Membership status: Member
Member since: July 04, 2011
Ultimately, I would like to write romantic fiction, so I am using fanfic as a spring board into that!
If any one has suggestions on how to become a better writer i would appreciate the feed back, as i am slightly unsure of how my words come across. And I will gladly respond to everyone!
I sorta like to fill in the blanks in some of Tolkien's characters. Like Lothiriel or now I am thinking about why Boromir and Theodred were 41 and both not married... seems not to make sense so I want to fix it!! LOL!
I have a lot of time to think so my imagination wanders, and fiction is all about asking what if!
I want to put my characters in positions that will make them act irrationally. Conflict between characters makes the story better! I don't want to read a story where two people fall in love and everything is easy. 'Cause love ain't easy!!
I'm not a real huge fan of Elves... I like men. Barbarians, in particular. Fuck Prince Charming, eh?
I'm not a kid, i'm older, so i think i have good perspective. Although i can be serious, i try not to take myself too seriously!
I'll probably never be as prolific as a Nora Roberts or as descripitve or philosphical as Diana Gabaldon, but I don't want to write Formula Romance like Julie Garwood. It's like reading the same story over and over. Yuck. Think outside the box.
I believe there is a big difference between being a writer and a storyteller. Writer's do methodical stuff like non fiction and journalism. Story tellers tell tales of the lives of people and events that shape lives.
Do the best job you can and try your hardest when you write. Take your work seriously but remember not to take yourself too seriously. People, Middle earth is not a real place!
Just a quick note on the Assassin's Creed:
If you're reading this and expect Eomer to be like Edward Cullen, stop reading now. If you're under 25 yrs old, understand that not all men are Prince Charming. Men can be rude, selfish, and cold even to people they care deeply about. My Eomer can be a jerk, and an ass. He'll sleep with who he wants when he wants and not apologize for it.
Rated: Explicit [Reviews - 86]
Characters: Éomer, Éowyn, Gríma Wormtongue, Haldir, Legolas, OFC, OMC, Theoden, Théodred
Content: Action/Adventure, AU, Character Death, Explicit Sex, Het, Romance
Chapters: 45 | Completed: Yes | Word count: 269126 | Read count: 58096
Published: June 25, 2012 | Updated: February 22, 2014
Date: July 11, 2012 Title: Chapter 3: Nightmares
Ha ha ha! So much machismo! I love reading and writing men like that! They are always so much more colorful and somehow they always seem to steal the spot light.
I was just reading in the RWA magazine about the use of accent vs dialect. I loved your use of dialect here! The 'that there'. It fits perfectly with these men and I can totally see them using it. Up here everything is a direction. You go up to the house not to the house or you take up a rake or you go down the Chicago. Oh, and everybody says them instead of those which bothers the crap out of me. Using dialect really helps give color to people or regions, helps give a better sense of who they are and shows us something about their back ground--rural, lack of education, lack of contact with outsiders.
Leggy is so vulnerable and cute and strong, you can't help but like him.
Elhadron too. Very likeable fellow. Possessed of great strength, compassion, loyalty.
Author's Response: I had a feeling you'd like my Woodsmen. I like that kind of bantering between the men too. It's how they are when they're enjoying the company of their friends. I see what you're saying about dialect. I think these men have a certain way of speaking and I could hear it in my head. For the most part, I think they are talking 'normally?', but when they forget about their guests, they fall into their relaxed speech. Still, it's difficult to keep it up. I don't want them to sound like hillbillies. Goodness knows I hear enough of that living in Kentucky. I swear, if I hear one more 'Get 'er done . . .' LOL. BTW, I'd like to learn more about this RWA mag you mention. If you think of it, drop me a link or information about it.
Date: July 20, 2012 Title: Chapter 4: Guidance
I'm really liking this story. I didn't really expect them to stick to one place for very long either, but I suppose time doesn't really matter for elves. Boring thing, immortaility.
Little boys always want to play the man don't they?!These guys are a good influence on Leggy. Very astute of you to make sure he has a female influence. I see Sefa teaches him how to clean up after him self or something to that effect. I'm fairly certain this lessen was an effort in futility, but good for her to try at least. lol.
You set the scene well in the part where the men are sitting around in the hall drinking and smoking. Engaging all the senses.
Author's Response: Sefa will teach him a lot, whether he knows it or not. But he will remember and I'm sure all of these lessons will come in handy at some point. I really like the Woodsmen, good hearty folk, loyal and kind, ferocious fighters when they need to be. Legolas is very lucky. Everything he learns here he will take with him throughout. I'm glad you like this story. It's so far out there A/U, but it's fun.
Date: July 24, 2012 Title: Chapter 5: From Dreams to Reality
Wow! Are you sure it's you that's writing this? It almost doesn't sound like you. You're voice is similar but it's changed. Gotten better! You're dialouge even seems alot less ridgid.
I didn't want to see Elhadron die, I liked him, but what a way to do it. I didn't exactly see it coming. Very GRR Martin of you! I love twists and turns like that! Makes the story so much more fun to read when you never know what's going to happen next.
Author's Response: Thanks, but it's still me. I think writing a story whose main plot is not romance might be the reason for this. It's a little more challenging for me. I have to come up with different conflict besides the love/hate storyline that I've always done before. There's more tragedy, I guess. It's difficult to kill a character. I liked Elhadron too, but it had to be done.
Date: August 17, 2012 Title: Chapter 6: Friends Along The Way
Nice chapter and lovely writing. With the whole funeral thing, I could see leggy just standing there looking or feeling confused or awkward or over whelmed.
You're doing a good job with characterization, like normal. Leggy is sort of in his shell, somewhat awkward, unsure of himself or who or what he is. There's never really been anytime for him to jusst be a kid. I can see him just going around with that dazed, big eyed deer in the headlights look; listening and absorbing but not saying anything.
That scene with katala was awkward but sweet. She stirs something inside Leggy.
I love stories where I don't know what's going to happen next. Unfortunatly, romances, because of their formulaic structure, are always somewhat predictable, or alot predictable since the point of romances is to have a fulfilling ending. But since this isn't technically a romance (a story with romantic elements is a better description since you said there will be an eventual subplot)you're not bound to any of those formula strictures! It can go where ever you want and be whatever it is!
Author's Response: It's true, romance does go by a certain formula and you kind of know how it's gonna end. It's my thing though. I love writing them. But I never thought about this story the way you put it here, that I'm not bound to a formula, except that I'm somewhat restricted to story verse. It's growing on me though and as I go along, I see where I'm going a little better. It's requiring some rewriting though (future chapters, not what I've posted)
Date: August 18, 2012 Title: Chapter 7: Grimbeorn
Lots of unknowns help build the tension in this chapter. I liked your descriptions of the beornings, especially the women. You'd expect them to be rather gruff, but they're actually quite hospitable. Honestly, I have a thing for shapeshifting bears after reading the dark hunter series, so I got a kick out of Grimbeorn. He's taciturn but not unfriendly or without compassion. Folvar and Sefa's realtionship is bittersweet, but it's a good thing for Leggy to see.
Author's Response: Well, I used my imagination for that since there's not much known about the women, or at least I couldn't find anything. Grimbeorn was fun to describe too. The Woodsmen are his cousins so I think the Beornings would be tolerant. Other outsiders maybe not so much. I think they'd help those in need, but still be wary.
Date: August 21, 2012 Title: Chapter 8: By Moonlight
Leggy and Kat are so cute aren't they? They have a very innocent relationship built on a genuine liking for each other instead of lust or sexual attraction. Although I seem to forget how old they both are? About ten or so?
Your description of the bears changing shape was great! I was curious how you were going to handle it when the time came.
I can slowly see Leggy becoming a man. To be a convincing warrior, you have to have fierceness and I think he's slowly developing that. That's probably part of the reason I don't like him so much in the book. It seems he's always singing every line he says and although there's no doubt that he's brave, he doesn't have that same intensity that guys like Aragron or Eomer or even Faramir have. Personally, I think it's that fierceness, that intensity that makes those men so charismatic and such good leaders.
Author's Response: I think the book Legolas reflects the Mirkwood elves as they are described in The Hobbit, singing and laughing, but you know there is an edge of danger there, like they might turn on you if the wrong word is spoken. In my own head, I see them differently in LOTR, and I think it has to do with the times. With danger and destruction so close, there's no time for joking around. The singing and all that is just a cover up. Who would ever be afraid of a singing elf, and then BAM, suddenly there's an arrow protruding from your chest and you don't know what happened. That's just my take on it. I do like to think of the Mirkwood elves as dangerous and unpredictable. But with this story, I wanted to make Legolas more humanized since he is being raised in their enviroment. I want to develop that part of him that makes him fierce but loyal. And yea, Legi and Katala are only children, so there's not much but a sort of puppy love at this point or I'd be breaking some rules. I had to keep reminding myself that as I wrote it. You know me and my romance. Can't do that here, lol.
Date: September 12, 2012 Title: Chapter 10: Rohan
Oh my gosh! I'm positively loving these four together. Each has his or her own distinct personality. Theo is the leader. Eomer the skeptical sidekick. Leggy the thoughtful maybe reluctant one. And Eowyn is just being Eowyn. You did a good job of showing their personality traits, especially Eowyn! I bet thesefour are going to be a handful!
I see what you mean by loosely following the canon. But hey, if you're ggoingto goAU might as well go all the way!
Author's Response: The three boys are a lot of fun to write for, and they will have a few adventures for sure. And poor Eowyn has to put up with them. She'll be good for Legolas too, kind of his Jiminy Cricket. He'll need someone to keep him on track, or the other two will have his mind corrupted.
Date: September 16, 2012 Title: Chapter 11: Tour of Edoras
Already these three are making trouble! After having spent all yesterday with 5 eight yr old boys, I would say, yep, this is exactly how boys act! The panty raid was so funny and I'm glad he didn't get caught there. Imagining Leggy holding out those undies infront of Eowyn was much more entertaining. It's refreshing to see Eowyn portrayed as a rule follower, and uptight. I'd never thought to imagine her this way, but I can see how it works. That she and Eomer don't always see eye to eye is different too. Syblings don't always get along. Especially when they're both so strong willed.
I totally didn't see the similarites between Leggy and Eomer until you mentioned it. It really helps to give them common ground and bonding.
It's little things like Theodred's "adventure" that helps build his character and the world in which they live. You never come out and say what he did, but everybody knows what happened!!
Boy, this was a long chapter for you. I was suprised to see it was so long. 8000 words or so, but it read like one that was 2000.
Author's Response: 5 boys? My goodness, you must have been exhausted. This was a great review, because you pointed out some things that I felt were important to tell. I really think Eomer and Eowyn are a lot alike and they probably behaved like your typical brother and sister when they were young. As they grow older, they get along quite well, but there is always that underlying current of stubornness there. I always think of that part where she is helping Merry get ready for battle, and Eomer laughs and teases about his height. She took offence to that and let him know, not just for Merry's sake, but for her own. So yea, they will always have those little scuffles between them. Although Legi, E, and Theo are all very good friends, I think Legi and E have a little more in common. Theo is definitely the leader right now, and Legi and E look up to him, but there is more of a connection to each other because of their similarites, and that will be needed as the story progresses. I'm rewriting this story as I send it off for beta, and I'm finding that my chapters are increasing a bit, but my posts are farther apart so maybe that makes up for it, lol.
Date: September 27, 2012 Title: The Last Wood Elf
LOL Parts of this chapter are quite funny. What's great about E and Theo is they are such natural people. Unpretentious. It's ha ha funny to see a younger Legolas influenced by two older rogues, but he still holds on to who he is. The birth of the foal was a nice touch and Luta seems like a nice, strongwilled girl.
There were only two things that I was a bit confused about. One was, why Theoden was upset about not being told the mare was foaling? Was it one of his horses? Did I miss that part? Maybe I did. The other is, I'm not quite sure if the mare was standing up or lying down when she gave birth. It seemed to me as if she was standing up and that makes my Wisconsin farm girl sensiblities tingle. lol Very rarely, if ever, do I ever read what you've written and go, huh? What just happened again? You write in a very clear, concise, straight forward way, that this latter issue just stuck out in my pea brain. The rest of that scene was very cute, however, with the little guy all wobbly and stuff.
This is such a fun story and the characters play together so well I look forward to reading it! Alot of that has to do with the humor you've been putting in. It makes it entertaining to read, which is the point, after all. So much better than listening to a bunch of stiff necks posturing like so many stories out there.
Author's Response: Trust me, I did my research for a horse giving birth, and I understand that they lay and stand restlessly until the birth begins, then they lay down. If I did not detail this correctly, then is was a mistake on my part. I've never actually seen a horse birth, though I did help deliver a breeched goat once. So yea, my bad on that. As for Theoden, it is my own idea that I think he would want to be present for most if not all of the horse foalings, so that's why he was upset when he had not been informed. However it was an emergency and there wasn't enough time.
Date: November 06, 2012 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14 Lies and Love
Ah, young love, right? I remember what it was like before I got old and cynical. That sort of love scene with leggy and luta was sweet and innocent and you did a good thing there just fading to black and letting the reader imagine what might have happened. I think if you would have written anymore it would have ruined the whole experience, diminished it. This line:Legolas knew this moment would burn into his memory like a drawing in a book, forever etched on his mind to draw upon in later days--that whole paragraph really was lovely.
Theo, Eomer and Legolas are all different personalities, aren't they. I can see Leggy is sort of uptight, but Theo and Eomer aren't just mirrors of each other. I can see the differences in the two of them in this chapter. They are all very well rounded like each could have their own story. And I liked how you gave E and Leggy a bonding moment there.
Oh, back to the Leggy/Luta moment and sometimes less is more. There was something about the whole situation and the way you wrote it. At first I thought it was erotic, but usually erotic implies slobbering and lots of descriptons of body parts. A better word is sensual.
You chose great words for Grima too! Scaly, slithered, scrabbled. He's kind of a low life, but you've done a good job of at least making him sympathetic.
Author's Response: I really see how less is more, especially after reading DG, which btw, I'm at the end of the last book (and omg C/LJ-who would have guessed!). Anyways, I couldn't write this scene in detail because they are underage here. It would be morally wrong to make that erotic, and besides, first times usually aren't very romantic. Better to just leave it to the imagination. I love the three guys in this, and as I go along, I can start to see similarities between Eomer and my version of Legolas. Of course, I want them to bond because, well we all know what happens to poor Theo eventually. And Grima? Well, he's great to write too, oily and pathatic, yet with a secret that could take down the whole Rohirric nation.
Date: November 15, 2012 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15 Part of the Plan
So, weren't you the lady who said she didn't know how to write good similies? You've really got some excellent ones in here. You know which ones they are, too, I'm sure.
Grima is turning out to be an interesting character. I read one of your review responses that said you'd never written extensively for a villian. Villians are hard to write. Yes, they are bad or evil, and say and do bad things according to society of the protagonist's beliefs. But the villian believes he's justified in his actions. To him, he thinks what he's doing is okay. They're almost like characters with multiple personalities. How the protaganist sees him, how he sees himself, how outsiders see him and how the author sees him. My own opinion is that the antagonist almost needs to be more better developed than the antagonist. One reason I like reading Lisa Kleypas is that she takes the villian from one book and makes him the hero in the next. That's well rounded, layered, complicated character right there when you can do that. Personally, I like a villian who is sympathetic. Jamie Lannister is the quintessential sympathetic villian. He's a real son of a bitch, but I understand why he does what he does and there is always hope he can be redeemed. Writing words down on paper is easy. It's only 10% of the work. The other 90% is figuring out why people act the way they do. Psychology. Oh, often times villians drive the action of a story. Their decisions cause the protaganist to do or not do something, so you have to know what motivates them.
Anyway, Grima is a real silver tongued slimeball. The way you wrote that part with him getting inside Luta's head and manipulating her like that was classic Grima. Huh? You think Tolkien was thinking about politicians when he wrote Grima's part? I'm just sayin'...
Really good deep point of view there in that scene with Luta and Grima. You did good showing with feelings and sensations, giving the reader an experience.
Author's Response: Hmm, you got me thinking about Grima and politicians. He just might be an example of what a little of that power does to the average man, especially one with nothing to lose. I've always imagined Grima had other people doing all his dirty work so that it appeared his hands were clean. I'm sure if there were paper shredders in Middle-earth, he'd have at least one. I have to agree with you about villians. They really do need to be more developed. The good guy is easy, he's always doing what's right and just. The bad guy has to pretend to do that while working behind the scenes to ruin his adversaries, playing both sides at times. Like you said, duel personalities for sure. Oh, and thanks for your comment about similies. Yes I did say that and still do, though I work very hard at it. I'm glad it worked.
Date: December 07, 2012 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16 Changes Taking Place
I was waiting and checking every day to see if you'd updated! Yeah!
Great chapter. Everything looked like it was about to come together for Leggy didn't it. Grima putting those thoughts into Luta's head really threw a wrench in to his plans and their happiness. It's hard to give your heart completely to someone when you're feeling insecure, or lacking confidence. Luta seems a bit frightened and I think that's completely understandable. Grima's words aren't exactly wrong.
My favorite character has got to be Eowyn! I just want to read about her! She's so brash and unabashedly herself. I think you should do an Eowyn/Faramir. You're perspecitve on their relationship and how they fell in love would be passionate and exciting I bet. Somebody needs to do a really stirring E/F!
Anyway, this chapter was well paced and loose. Not tight or hesitant. Dialouge was good too. The reader can see Theo, Leggs and Eomer maturing, learning their places and roles in the world, becoming more comfortable with themselves.
Author's Response: Eowyn is by far my fav of all the LotR women. I think it would be fun to write her and Faramir. It's really wide open to ideas isn't it. We know how they met and when they met, and a few other bits of information, but there's lots of room to expand there. Hmm ... now you've got me thinking.
Date: December 28, 2012 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17 Gone
Wow. There are so many good things to say about this chapter. So many things. You're prose is smooth. The description is thorough but not overwhelming. It was really good. I could picture everything. The emotion is strong. I can feel Leggy's anguish and feelings of rejection and Luta's confusiocn and eventually her dismay. Breaking up with your first love is always a pisser.
This thing you're doing with Grima--the darkness--it's fantastic. How he gets in their heads. Poisons them. He's brilliant and devious. It make sense, fits into the story and give the characters a reason for acting in the way they do. I could totally imagine this was the way Grima influenced people in the book.
Grima really is sort of a sad, misunderstood man. He really is ambitious and motivated. Too bad he used those traits for evil instead of good.(Cliche, I know!) I don't think he's incapable of love, because he clearly does love Eowyn even if it is in a twisted sort of way. Do you think his love for her makes him desperate?
And, oh, yeah, this is a Legolas I could fall in love with. He turned from this sweet boy into a so quickly man! He was so fierce and confident, standing up to Theoden like I'd imagine probably only Theo or Eomer might do. He was almost snarling. It totally changed my perception of him I could see him standing up straight, not timid but intimidating. That part where he punked Grima, that was when I could see that quasi barbarian Rohirric influence on him. Now I see him as a warrior, not just a soldier. It reminded me a little of that part in Drums of Autumn when Roger asks Bri to marry him and they get in that argument. Roger goes from Mr Nice Guy to fierce Scot just like that. That was when I fell in love with Roger. That part with Grima was when I fell in love with Legolas. I expect that kind of reckless behavior from Eomer, but not Leggy. I'd read more Legomances, if writers didn't make him out to be such a milktoast all the time. Legolas does not live in a sunshine-and-rainbows forest. He lives in a gloomy forest infested with giant spiders. I didn't write that but the point is he's not a wimp.
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: I think I can say I did my job when my friend, Duchess, admits she has fallen for an elf, lol. You know, you are a product of your environment, and that is exactly what I was trying to do with Legolas here. He hasn't been raised in an elven kingdom, he's grown up amongst humans, and most of those years have been spent with the Rohirrim, esp. Theo and E. Here, he can only be pushed so far before the fierce wood elf emerges, mixed with Rohir influences. Grima's lucky the other's stepped in to stop him. And, btw, I liked that part with Roger too. It was definitely a turning point in his personality. He came into his own then.
Date: April 06, 2013 Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23 From Darkness Into Flight
Wow! Another really well written chapter! Flowing, descriptive, well paced. Parts were very suspenseful! Gamling totally reminded me of Barristan Selmy from Game of Thrones.
The dialogue was nice and smooth too. Very realistic. I know I always bring dialogue up, but I really don't like stilted dialogue. I'm really excited about where this story is going.
Sorry, I didn't get around to reviewing until now. I'm going to read the next chapter sometime tonight if I don't fall asleep! lol
Author's Response: Hey, I'll take your reviews anywhere, anytime, Duchess. I always look forward to them. Gosh, I'd love to see the Game of Thrones, but I guess I'll have to settle for the books, if I can get around to reading them ... well, buying them first too. I feel the same way about dialog. If it's slow with a lot of repeating, I completely lose interest. I always hear them speaking like a movie in my head when I write it. I enjoy writing dialog, for the most part. Well, I've still got some new ideas for this story as far as where it's going, and I think it will get a little less stressful to write once I get to certain parts. As long as I stop and think it out first, I'm ok.
Date: April 07, 2013 Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24 On Open Plains
This was really exciting and beautifully written. I find it interesting that Legolas is still struggling with who he is or where he fits in in the world. He's got a lot of scars both physically and emotionally.
My favorite part was the part with the farmer. I was hoping it was actually going to be Bema in disguise or something. The way Legs describes Eowyn in her armor, she seems so cute.
Author's Response: Legolas has always struggled, even though he's been accepted by the people he's lived with. Still, they are not his people, and a part of him has always felt out of place. I think Rohan has been more 'home' than anywhere else, but it's still not the same. He'll learn more about himself and where he came from as the story advances.
Date: June 11, 2013 Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 25 The Entwood
Again, lovely smooth writing with great rhythm and no hesitations. Great scenes that cause Legolas to act and make decisions.
Beechbone was unexpected and light hearted addition to the supporting cast. He and Legolas play well off of each other. It was funny when he said, yeah, if it was termites I'd know what to do.
Uh oh! Did we just meet the romantic heroine? If so, dramatic way to introduce her. We know a lot about her already just from Legolas's impressions and her actions. It says a lot about Legolas too. Even though he notices she's from Lothlorien, he doesn't hesitate to help her. He could be vindictive and refuse because of what he believes are past injustices, but he's too honorable for that.
Author's Response: Thanks Duchess. I'm glad you liked this chapter. I don't know when I'll be able to post again. Had a bit of a family emergency and I'm in FL taking care of my elderly parents. Been here for 2 wks and here for another 2. Laptop is at home and there's no time for writing. It may be a while, but eventually I'll get back to it. I might have to reread the entire story since I feel like I've forgotten the whole thing.