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Shout Archive

Why Dost Thou Run? by KimicThranduilion

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Table of Contents

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Prompt: Running away was not nearly as easy as they promised

Rating: T

Setting: A year after Celebrian has sailed

Characters: Unnamed Elleth, Elladan

Summary: An elleth reflects on her lover's struggle to flee from his guilt and despair

++ So this is my alternative offering for Valentine's Day. To those of you celebrating have a great time and please understand I'm not trying to put a downer on it I just wanted to experiment a little bit. This is dedicated to the lovely LadyLindariel who wanted to see something starring Elladan. I hope this will suffice for now my dear (I promise one day I'll write you a happy Elladan fic but today was just not that day). I hope you all enjoy and drop me a one liner to let me know what you think ++

Anor rose slowly and steadily as it began its daily ascent and cast long thin beams of light through loosely closed shutters and across the face of an elleth who had been slumbering peacefully. Said sunlight gently roused her and she groggily focussed slate grey eyes and took stock of where she was.

The pale, rose pink walls and cream coloured lace curtains that fluttered lazily around her let her know that she was in her own bedchambers. And yet… there was a weight beside her that she did not recall nor recognise. Indeed she was still half asleep and had some trouble as she tried to recall the previous night's events. Evidently she had brought someone home with her and enjoyed the night in their company.

Slowly, bit by bit, inch by inch she rolled from her right side onto her left and smiled at who she saw sleeping beside her eyes firmly shut.


The elleth smiled and lightly reached out to remove a stray strand of ebony hair that had laid itself across his face. She studied the face before her; these past months the strong not quite elven features were only ever relaxed in sleep. The elleth took a moment to just look at him – to soak in his now peaceful features. His mouth was relaxed and loose and above the closed eyes (a sight she had long since gotten used to) his brow was smooth; no sign of the worried creases that usually marred his forehead when he was awake.

She wanted to reach out and kiss him. Right on his forehead, on the tip of his nose and full on the lips. The memory of last nights' loving was no longer hazy but clear and fresh in her mind yet she held back. Much as she desired a repeat performance she did not waken him for if she did he would no longer be at peace. He would instantly assume his worried face, he would fuss over her and ensure she was well all whilst he dressed and made guiltily for the door. He always ran away from her now, never stayed very long after he woke up – desperate to escape before she could see the misery and guilt in his eyes that ate away at him daily. She knew Elladan thought that she remained blissfully unaware of the grief and heartache that devoured him but she saw it as plain as day despite his running.

It was his way of trying to spare her as well as him trying to hide his perceived weaknesses, and even though it hurt to see him slip out of her room as silent as a wraith she never scolded him for it nor asked for more. She could not – not just yet.

They had become lovers only a year prior to the Lady Celebrian sailing and it had been the most blissful time she had ever had with any lover. Elladan treated her wonderfully; he was a consummate gentle-ellon and though he had held back and been a bit distant at first he had soon learned to be at ease with her. Indeed just before the attack on his Naneth Elladan had begun to really open up to her and show her a side to him that few save his nearest and dearest had ever seen.

Then it had happened and the change in him had been incredible.

He had come to her that first night he had returned to Imlardris from Mithlond, and sadness and grief had radiated from him in palpable waves. That night there had been no hiding his despair. Elladan had cried in her arms all night long. The morning after was the first morning where he'd checked her wellbeing then dressed and hurried off. No longer did they linger in bed talking, cuddling or enjoying each other's bodies.

She had thought it would get better with time, that once the initial grief had worn off he'd stop running and pulling away from her. She'd so hoped that he would once more confide in her and let her in again so she could help. Yet it was coming up close to a year now – a year since Lady Celebrian had sailed – and nothing had changed.

She sighed softly and rolled over to stare at her intricately designed ceiling - it was clear the grief still weighed strongly upon Elladan.

The elleth rolled back over after a moment and continued to study his sleeping form.

Ai Elladan, she though sadly as she watched his bare chest rise and fall gently, such a heavy burden you bear melethron-nin.

He stirred just then, slowly blinked his eyes open and her heart sank. His time of peace was over as was their time together.

As predicted it wasn't long before Elladan started to fuss over her, he even went so far as to grace her with a tender kiss to her brow. Still he was up and fully dressed far too soon and for once something came over her and she reached out and clasped his hand and tried to hold him back.

"You needn't leave melethron."

Elladan smiled at her but she could see that it didn't reach his eyes and was devoid of any real emotion.

"Nay meleth," and he bent to give her another kiss – this one a little less tender. "I have to meet with Elrohir."

"Will…will I see you again…tonight? Or tomorrow perhaps?" She felt weak for asking this yet she could help the way her body craved his touch and her fëa craved the brush of his.

"Nay," his voice was frigid now and when Elladan looked her in the eyes she was hard pressed not to gasp at what she saw swirling in his dark grey orbs.

"Elrohir and I will be away for some time on a mission – we have a few…things to deal with. Navaer."

She did not reach out again, did not try and stop him running this time. For she was still in shock at the pure hatred and rage she had seen in his eyes in amongst the usual grief and despair.

Ai Valar spare him, she prayed.

For he was running away – again – and this time she was sure that Elladan would be running straight into trouble.

After all things were never so simple, nothing was. Even running away was not nearly as easy as they said.

The elleth dropped back down onto her bed listlessly and wept for her lover.

Chapter end notes:
Anor – Sun

Elleth - Female elf

Ellon – Male elf

Naneth - Mother

Melethron-nin – My Lover (Male) / Melethron – Lover (Male)

Meleth – Love

Fëa – Soul (Quenya)

Navaer – Farewell
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