Ok, so I started reading this while I still wasn't in Faerie and I actually wrote a draft on my email to send to you when I finished, so here it goes.
Who the hell is Erestor and why do I care about him so much??? I have devoured this story!
The descriptions were stunning (Maedhros the Crownless King: ouch, my heart!), I was completely transported to the story, felt every death (I cried so much with Mórivo and Thangear's), every angst, cheered with every relationship (Elros and Elrond's development, the Choice!! My god!!!), hoped Erestor stopped being thick and realized how much Lindir loves him and honestly wished this would never end.
You are a marvel, ridiculously talented, and I'm in absolute awe! The construction of your characters is so complex and interesting, the environments, the build up of tension... You OWN these characters, giving them such a thorough background, tighted up so well I don't even have words for it. And the way your view of this world is build up around Tolkien's is really incredible. It's been a long time since I read such a good story, so full of nuances, that I can say honestly there are many published, famous authors who can't do what you do.
I'm beyond words right now. Just thank you for doing it, making it public and please don't you dare ever stop writing! Please, don't deprive me of your amazing talent.
Oh my gosh, this review!!! I’m giddy with happiness! Gods, I don’t even know what to say, I’m so happy. I have tears in my eyes! Every time I’m feeling down about my writing I am going to come back to this review. It banishes all the doubts and energizes me to keep writing! I cannot thank you enough for giving me this gift :hugs:
Your stories are addictive, i've been stuck to my computer Reading for days when i should be doing other Things... Like they say, good stories creates a world in which you would want to live, great stories gives you no Choice, these tales of Yours are great stories. The way the characters come to life, the way their feelings and motivation are described, the very way the story is put together. And With all the details you are still true to the Source. it is really amazing and i am in utter awe of Your talent. Now i am going to start Reading the price of memory and i bet i will get stuck to my screen for even longer, you are truly a great writer. Do keep writing for Your work is better than almost everything else i have read in this genre so far. I have plowed through Your stories and i have felt all sorts of emotions while Reading and that is above all the mark of great art, it moves you and creates reactions, and feelings. I loved the way you portray Glorfindel in special, and i pity him and admire the way you describe how both he and the other characters react to their surroundings and not the least the experiences of their lives and how they shape them into who they are. There are well known Authors out there With characters not even half as well described as you describe these, they come to life and become real. Again, you have left me in awe!
:stutters and blushes:
You have left me tongue-tied with your review! Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I am treasuring this review! Your words are like eating the best chocolate, an absolute treat, and worth more than words can say :hugs:
I am so glad you like Glorfindel, he’s one of my darlings, I just want to dunk him in happiness after all the pain he’s gone through. That he could have moved you so, and been so memorial, is wonderful! I probably care more then I should for characters, I’ve certainly cried over a good many of them, and when they burrow their way into my heart, I want everyone to love them as I do, so hearing that you enjoyed his story is the absolute best :)
Happy reading, and thank you again for the lovely review!
Oropher is a girl? For some reason that strikes me as very very funny . I have a mental image of Lee Pace in a dress.... Well he does wear lots if robes in the hobbit movies but a more dress like dress!
It will take some mental adjusting to that idea.
You will be Pleased to know, at least I think you will that Gil-Galad has grown on me much as he has on Erestor. His is not perfect but then who is?
I have to say how wonderful this story has been to read. SO glad Ziggy pointed me in your direction and excited about reading all your others . I was intending to go back in time now and read Price of Vengeance but I just can't let Erestor go yet so I think I will go on to the sequel of this one. I know what I want for Erestor , not sure you will give it to
“Oropher is a girl? For some reason that strikes me as very very funny . I have a mental image of Lee Pace in a dress....”
OMG, that is like the best image ever! I am cracking up!
I actually don’t see Oropher as a female in my head, and have had to remind myself that I wrote him/her that way in this story. Just blame it all on Legolas of Gondolin. I wrote him in The Price of Vengeance, and as Thranduil was no way getting a sex change, uh-uh, it had to be Oropher because Legolas of Gondolin was determined to be Legolas’ father/grandfather, something!
“You will be Pleased to know, at least I think you will that Gil-Galad has grown on me much as he has on Erestor. His is not perfect but then who is?”
I am glad to hear it :) He’s not one of my top favorite characters, though I do like him, but the guy did have to weather some rough stuff and it molded him into an interesting person, and one I want to see happy before he…wait, have you finished the Silmarillion? I don’t want to spoil anything for you!
“but I just can't let Erestor go yet so I think I will go on to the sequel of this one. I know what I want for Erestor , not sure you will give it to me though!”
Oh :squeeze: I am jumping up and down to hear you liked him so much! And as for what you’re hoping for…I think, just maybe, if I’m reading things right, you’ll be satisfied (after Erestor gets over being a blind idiot of course lol).
Man, I am just on this incredible high hearing how much you loved the story! It’s been an amazing week to wake up to all these reviews! You have no idea how much it’s meant to me. I am so glad Ziggy pointed you over too, and most, I am glad we got the chance to meet :hugs:
I hate to say it but becoming mortal has been the making of Elros. He feels more complete, more healthy than he has ever done and now it is Erond who falls apart.
Elros has always felt emotionally stunted, and who can blame him ? But now he is strong, courageous, wise and.......whole.
And as for Erestor, is he completely blind and clueless? Can he not see that Lindir has the hots for him??!! He keeps bumping into you because he likes you Erestor!
I am right aren't I? Please say I'm right.
“I hate to say it but becoming mortal has been the making of Elros.”
Yes. Or rather both the war and becoming Mortal settled him. I think they gave him purpose. With the War he was able to look passed his own suffering and really learn empathy and compassion and wisdom, and with becoming Mortal and having a nation thrust upon him his life gained a clear-cut purpose. He knows who he is and what he needs to do with his life.
“And as for Erestor, is he completely blind and clueless? Can he not see that Lindir has the hots for him??!! He keeps bumping into you because he likes you Erestor!”
Hahaha, yes you are 100% right! And you nailed Erestor too, the guy’s seriously blind when it comes to himself. It goes back to his self-hate, he just can’t imagine why Lindir would want him, so he just doesn’t see Lindir’s actions as anything but friendship because even friendship is more then he thinks he deserves most days.
Oh now I really do detest the Valar.
Like I told you, I already find Elrond and Elros heartbreaking and now it's ten times worse!
This idea does make sense to me though, one thing I struggle with is why Elros ever made that choice, why would you? Apart from it being a convenient plot device for Tolkien. Well Arwen did too I guess. The idea it was forced upon him makes some sense of that decision.
And the Valar continue thier appalling treatment of Earendil.
The one thing I do agree with surprisingly is that Elrond will never know. Thank goodness. What would it do to him knowing going first into the tent,making his choice , sentenced his brother to mortality and death.
Eonwe is an intriguing and elusive character here. Very different from how I usually see him written.
“This idea does make sense to me though, one thing I struggle with is why Elros ever made that choice, why would you?”
I know, it makes no sense that he would ever choose to be separated from Elrond. I can’t even see him wanting to choose Mortality even if he’d fallen in love with a Mortal woman. Elrond and Elros had a connection deep as Elladan and Elrohir, I see them choosing their brother over a lover, I just do. Which leads to the situation where Elros choosing Mortality makes no sense!
“The one thing I do agree with surprisingly is that Elrond will never know. Thank goodness. What would it do to him knowing going first into the tent,making his choice , sentenced his brother to mortality and death.”
I hadn’t thought of that before. Hmmm….yes, actually I see this point. In the immediate aftermath of Elros’ decision when Elrond was struggling so terribly with it, it seems a mercy to tell him it was never his fault, but maybe as he ages he would have looked back with blame for himself, thinking himself an ignorant fool to have not pressed Eönwë with more questions/conditions of his choice.
“Eonwe is an intriguing and elusive character here. Very different from how I usually see him written.”
He’s one of those characters whose slipped around in my mind a bit, changing on me. I can’t say I am entirely satisfied with how he came together, but that might just call for some future editing :sighs: At least he was interesting!
A chapter full of heartache.
Poor Erestor and his hate for himself.
Poor Elros, Poor abandoned, insecure Elros.
And I even feel sorry for Gil-Galad. Oh you have made a big mistake Gil-Galad, and he seems an elf who makes very few mistakes as a rule. A young, confused boy is not one to involve yourself with.
Elros will not emerge from this unscathed.
It was indeed a chapter of heartache! Poor everyone pretty much lol
“And I even feel sorry for Gil-Galad. Oh you have made a big mistake Gil-Galad, and he seems an elf who makes very few mistakes as a rule. A young, confused boy is not one to involve yourself with.”
Yes he has made a mistake and doesn’t know how to get himself out of it. There really is no easy way by this point because you are exactly right: he never should have involved himself with Elros to begin with! I rather think Gil-galad had never had anything but casual lovers before this, most of them probably older and more experienced then himself for a long time. He wasn’t on the lookout for the signs that should have told him to keep well away from a boy like Elros who could so easily get hurt. And Elros, dear Elros, who Erestor knows so well and can read like a book, would have tried to make himself look mature and confident before Gil-galad. A terrible situation all around.
Omg omg omg......I have no words!!!!
I knew what Elros was up to behind that closed door but Gil-Galad! That blew me away.
In fact this whole chapter left me speechless, Morovio and Orcs?! I had speculated on what had happened to him but not that. Now I wonder how he managed to keep together the sanity he had.
Anyway back to Gil-Galad and Elros now I have collected my thoughts somewhat. Gil-Galad and Elros, how bizaare that sounds. I wonder what made an elf as powerful as Gil-Galad, (he does almost feel as powerful as you write the sons of Feanor) turn his attentions to a mixed up boy like Elros? I totally get why Elros would fall for him, Elros is desperate for any love. But Gil-Galad you think would overlook him. Is it because he is young and easily controlled because surely it is a dangerous game Gil-Galad plays and he needs a lover he can ensure he can keep a tight rein on.
If that is the case I think he may have chosen wrongly because Elros is actually full of wild emotions he struggles to control himself let alone others being able to.
Or is it genuine love? I can see no good coming from this for Elros. Does it tip the balance down the track for him rejecting the elves and turning to men I wonder?
I do admire Elros for still, despite this new love, and the anti Feonorians opinions he is now exposed to, being able to see the truth about Maedrhos and be strong enough to defend him, even to the King.
Still flabbergasted at this new development!
And last but not least..... Lindir..... Can he possibly get Erestor to see his worth, to release him from this spiral of self loathing I DO hope so somehow.
“Omg omg omg......I have no words!!!!
Haha, yes, I know.
“Morovio and Orcs?! I had speculated on what had happened to him but not that. Now I wonder how he managed to keep together the sanity he had.”
I think it’s only because he didn’t understand what was happening to him at the time, and then repressed the memories for a long time – letting them twist him up inside, unable to heal from them—that he didn’t fade, for it really was horrific what he endured. Still, it’s like he said: a reason, not an excuse. He hurt a lot of people: Erestor, Lindir, and I am sure there were others we never learned of. He needed help, but he got none, not even from his parents.
“I wonder what made an elf as powerful as Gil-Galad, (he does almost feel as powerful as you write the sons of Feanor) turn his attentions to a mixed up boy like Elros?”
Oh, I am glad Gil-galad came across so powerfully. I was hoping for it. Erestor both dislikes and cannot help respecting and admiring Gil-galad. As for Elros/Gil-galad, well Gil-galad fucked up I’d say. There’s nothing wrong with his decision to sleep with Elros as they were both consenting adults, but he didn’t take the time to get to know the boy under the façade I’m sure Elros threw up to the world, and then once he saw, he was in too deep and didn’t know how to back out, because Elros was, exactly like you said, desperate to be loved, and I imagine he fell fast and hard.
“But Gil-Galad you think would overlook him. Is it because he is young and easily controlled because surely it is a dangerous game Gil-Galad plays and he needs a lover he can ensure he can keep a tight rein on.”
I wouldn’t say it was that, more a case of Gil-galad thinking Elros was hot and wanting him, and when Elros said yes, Gil-galad went for it.
“If that is the case I think he may have chosen wrongly because Elros is actually full of wild emotions he struggles to control himself let alone others being able to.”
This is Elros to a T.
“I do admire Elros for still, despite this new love, and the anti Feonorians opinions he is now exposed to, being able to see the truth about Maedrhos and be strong enough to defend him, even to the King.”
Aww, I am so glad you still like Elros. I have a soft spot for him, and rather like Erestor, will forgive him an awful lot knowing how much he’s hurting inside. It’s wonderful to hear Elros is still admirable to you as well :)
Just so you know, this story has got right inside my head!
How hard was that for Earendil to do. Give those letters to his boys . What a measure of him as a man and a father. The temptation to destroy them must have been strong..... And who would have ever known ? And yet he didn't . I am impressed. So pleased to see him making head way with Elros too.
So Morovio has met a nasty end. I always thought he would but he has managed to redeem himself somewhat in my eyes. Although he still seemed somehow twisted and wrong he at least faced up to what he had done in the end. Erestor endures yet another loss. Elves as immortals are not designed to have to experience as much as he has done I think.
Impressed with Lindir too. To do that for someone who has harmed you, for a whole people who have harmed you and devalued you...amazing!
“Just so you know, this story has got right inside my head!”
Oh those are my favorite stories! I am going take this as a wonderful complement :grins:
“How hard was that for Earendil to do. Give those letters to his boys . What a measure of him as a man and a father. The temptation to destroy them must have been strong..... And who would have ever known ? And yet he didn't . I am impressed. So pleased to see him making head way with Elros too.”
Oh Eärendil! He’s such a beautiful person, so glad you think so too! Yes, he must have really wanted to destroy those letters, but he loved his boys more –always.
Yes, Mórivo has come to the end of his tale. I agree with you that he still had a lot messed up in his head; he was not healed, only really beginning the path of his healing. And then he died. I wonder what kind of person he might have turned into.
“Impressed with Lindir too. To do that for someone who has harmed you, for a whole people who have harmed you and devalued you...amazing!”
If you read the sequel –The Price of Memory—you’ll hear a lot more about Lindir’s past, and gods but I don’t know how he was able to show Mórivo any respect in death, yet he did. Lindir may have been seriously stunted by his childhood but he’s not a bad person, the poor dear.
I feel so very, very sorry for Earendil. I believe him. He loves his sons, he believed he had no choice but to leave them and he paid such a terrible terrible price.
I felt so sad reading this. I tried to make myself feel better thinking he will get time with Elrond eventually but that just reminded me Elros will be lost to him forever.... And Elros is the one who needs him, who like him identifies with Men.
His line about the Valar thinking he was a pretty new toy struck home because that is exactly how I feel about the Valar encouraging the elves to leave Middleearth where they were supposed to be and go to Valinor in the first place. Because the Valar thought they were beautiful and entertaining playthings and wanted them closer..... And that is what started the whole mess!
Poor Earendil, sentenced to sail through the skies, his wife mad and his sons hating him. He deserves so much more. I am hating on the Valar at the moment!!
So, for the longest time I felt pretty blah about Eärendil, even almost seeing him in a bit of a villainous light for abandoning his kids like that, but then I started writing him and BAM, I just fell in love! I am so happy to hear you like him as he smashed his way into one of my favs. Poor baby, I just want him to be happy too and he’s gotten such a shitty deal!
“I am hating on the Valar at the moment!!”
Yes! I am over here despising them with you! (Most of them, there a few, a very very few, that I like :) ) And I agree with you completely about how the Valar saw the Elves as their pretty dolls. They like having ‘lesser’ beings they can set themselves above as gods and rule the lives of all the while looking pretty, I think. Gods, sometimes I really really hate them! I need to go cool down lol!
Gosh I just love all these reviews you’ve been so kind to give me! I look forward to reading each one. You’ve made this week like, supper awesome for me :hugs:
Lindir! I am excited by his reappearance. I think it is significant for Erestor.
I have been eagerly anticipating seeing how you would write Gil-galad. I don't like him. I guess it natural since the story is written from the viewpoint of a Feanorian that I wouldn't.
Still loving how you are writing the twins. Poor little Elrond. So frightened of losing his brother and we know , with our readers foresight, that he eventually will. I find the thought of the separation of Elrond and Elros by his taking mortality one of the most painful parts of Tolkiens story . It makes my stomach churn reading of Elros's enjoyment of mortal company even though I know already the outcome is inevitable.
It was good to see Elronds spirit though standing up to Gil-Galad.
Thank you , thank you , thank you for your notes on Feanor. I am going to read those links when I get home tonight. But what you said about his intelligence and genius causing his problems communicating and understanding other elves and their viewpoints really rang true. It makes so much sense to me! You have changed the way I see him!! (I will still see his relationship with his wife as a good one though, I look at it as what others described as control from the outside looking in was really her ability to provide that link for him to connect with the rest of world. The fact she was said to be smart and wise is important I think) Thanks again! I love it when someone points out a new way of looking at things that really resonates.
“Lindir! I am excited by his reappearance. I think it is significant for Erestor.”
You have such excellent intuition! Yes, Lindir will be important :grins:
“I have been eagerly anticipating seeing how you would write Gil-galad. I don't like him. I guess it natural since the story is written from the viewpoint of a Feanorian that I wouldn't.”
Yes, we are seeing him from Erestor’s POV and that is significant, we only know what Erestor knows. You still might not like him by the end, but I’ll be interested in hearing your thoughts as we learn more about him.
“I find the thought of the separation of Elrond and Elros by his taking mortality one of the most painful parts of Tolkiens story.”
I am with you 100% here. Honestly, reading the deaths of family members is probably more heartbreaking to me then the death of a lover, though that’s terrible too, but to lose a sibling, gods, even the idea of it kills me (I keep thinking of my own in their place and just…no, no, no, I can’t even thinking about this).
“But what you said about his intelligence and genius causing his problems communicating and understanding other elves and their viewpoints really rang true. It makes so much sense to me! You have changed the way I see him!!”
:squeals: I can’t take credit for any original thinking there, I’ve picked up a lot of the way I see him from a variety of excellent fan fics, but that’s just the way I like it. I love hearing other people’s opinions and reading their stories and have them be so amazing they just click in my head right away am I am like ‘Yes, exactly this, how did anything in the world make senses before I read this?’ LOL Anyway, I just love that something I said let you look at Fëanor in a different way :D
“(I will still see his relationship with his wife as a good one though, I look at it as what others described as control from the outside looking in was really her ability to provide that link for him to connect with the rest of world. The fact she was said to be smart and wise is important I think)”
Totally cool. Yours is, after all, the usual way of seeing their relationship. I’m a bit out there, but I do like my spot out here on the edges lol!
Thanks so much for the review and this great discussion!
Oh the twins . They are so gorgeous . I like that I can see differences in them. Already I can see Elros leaning toward the world of men and Elrond more elven. Maybe that's just my imagination!
Erestor needs these two, to love and care for, to ease his loneliness and to give him a focus he can put his energy into. It is as if it was meant to be.
I also like how despite the situation they find themselves in, (what they do is wrong and on one level they know it ) Maedrhos and Maglor have lost none of their honor and morality. They still try to be true to their real selves. Who was Maedrhos talking to? I feel kind of dumb that I can't get that. Is it his father? Or is it just a sign his sanity is slipping?
I loved your response about Feanor and the silmarils Thank you! To me it feels like the silmarils have become corrupted. They are no longer as Feanor made them and we see this in their effect on the elves. Elwing abandoned her children for them... Yet another putting the silmarils before all else. But when did that corruption happen? Was it during the long time Morgoth held them? I have kind of decided that it happened before that with the first kinslaying. As soon as elven blood was spilt in their name the silmarils were no longer pure.
I don't dislike Feanor himself. Tolkien leaves us lots of gaps to fill in so I have come up with my own explanation for Feanor. I think he never learned empathy . Not entirely his fault. Some
People are naturally empathetic like your Erestor and others need to be taught that as a child. But what happened to Feanor? His mother left him, she couldn't be bothered to stay around to nuture him. His father consumed with grief and guilt pandered to him and wasn't able to teach him the hard lessons of life.
I think Feanors wife helped him to empathise, Tolkien says she was the only one who could control him. I think she provided him the key to seeing things from others point of view. I don't mean he was incapable of love and compassion just that how other people saw the world was a mystery to him. His wife was like a translator to help him bridge that gap and once she helped him see clearly he could feel the appropriate emotions. Then she disappears from the story and once she is gone he is lost and it all falls apart. Maedrhos tries to help him, as he is also very empathetic but Feanor can't listen. What parent can easily take advice from a child?
That's my head canon anyway !
Ps LOVE the spoiler about Legolas's grandmother. She is just perfect for that!!
“Erestor needs these two, to love and care for, to ease his loneliness and to give him a focus he can put his energy into.”
Yes he does. This was just what he needed, something to live for, someone to cling to, someone to love. I’m so glad you liked the twins :)
“Who was Maedrhos talking to? I feel kind of dumb that I can't get that. Is it his father? Or is it just a sign his sanity is slipping?”
No, don’t, it’s just me being really vague lol It’s Fingon he’s talking to. I have a scene in The Price of Vengeance before Doriath where we see from his POV, and that’s where this comes from. He blames himself for Fingon’s death, and unless he goes entirely insane, this is his mind’s coping mechanism for Fingon’s death (and his brothers and father).
“Elwing abandoned her children for them... Yet another putting the silmarils before all else. But when did that corruption happen? Was it during the long time Morgoth held them? I have kind of decided that it happened before that with the first kinslaying. As soon as elven blood was spilt in their name the silmarils were no longer pure.”
This is an interesting idea (though given my general resentment against the Valar I’d say it was the moment Varda ‘hollowed’ them that they were corrupted lol). Anyway, I think it was Ziggy who made the comparison between the Silmarils and the One Ring, and I think, for anyone not of Fëanor’s blood trying to lay claim to them (Thingol, Dior, Elwing) it was a bit like that. The Silmarils have a bit of a will of their own, and I think they want to get back to the Fëanorions, but they have none of the Ring’s almost sentient intelligence, so they fail rather badly and just drive their present holds a bit mad with lust for their light. And I have this theory that the situation is made worse by the Maia-blood in Dior and Elwing.
I’ve read some other theories that I found really interesting. I found that essay I was talking about before, and I tried a ‘contact author’ for you but that usually fails for me, so I’ll just give you the link here if you’re interested, it’s really fascinating: http://lintamande.tumblr.com/post/57211874071/the-silmarils-are-not-macguffins
There was another one by this same writer which is more about the Darkening of Valinor, but had this really interesting passage about how Tolkien at one time had Finwë’s body being so destroyed in Morgoth’s attack that only the Silmarils could have healed it and thus brought his spirit out of Mandos’ Halls which just makes me cry to think about! Here’s the link to that one if you’re interested: http://lintamande.tumblr.com/post/58219991838/about-the-darkening
I am glad to hear you don’t dislike Fëanor (not that I would stop liking you if you did :) ). I can understand disliking his choices but still finding him an interesting character. He is one of the ones who I find both fascinating, and yet feel like I don’t have a solid grasp on. He keeps slipping about in my mind, unsettled, but I suppose that’s just a testament to his complexity, because damn, he’s one of the most complex characters in the entire book!
I think he probably did have trouble connecting with most other Elves. He was genius level brilliant, and I think that would have made him awkward socially in his youth, if not later as well. I think he was probably impatient and bored with most Elves, but not cruel. I don’t think he was cruel, even to his step brothers and sisters.
He could collect followers who were passionately loyal to him; he had charisma because he was genuine, almost painfully so in the eyes of the nobles, he said what he meant, and never put on airs and had no trouble at all mingling with the common people (he married Nerdanel after all, and I don’t think she was any high-born lady). I love that he picked her, a woman not noted for her beauty but her skill and her mind. He is like the only Elf in ever mentioned to do so.
As for his relationship with Nerdanel, well…I actually think it wasn’t healthy. Not at the end for sure. For either of them. I think they would have made a beautiful friendship, but expectations were placed on Nerdanel to ‘reign’ her husband in (this is completely head cannon by the way), and he didn’t take well to it. It’s just, I actually find Tolkien’s statement of Nerdanel controlling Fëanor really disturbing, it makes it seem like something it wrong with him just being who he is (an attitude we see reflected in the Valar’s words to him in the Shibboleth of Fëanor where they pretty much tell him there’s something tainted inside him and blame him for his mother’s death).
OK, I need to stop talking about Fëanor or I will go on and on! Can you tell I find him fascinating? Lol
I totally agree with you about Maedhros. I think Maedhros was a very empathetic person (though he often hide it within the politician he had to become when Morgoth started poisoning the air), and after Nerdanel left, yes, I think he was the only one who could get his father to listen (on occasion, but again, I agree with you, I think Fëanor wouldn’t have wanted to be swayed by his son as much as he respected Maedhros, and by this point Fëanor was poisoned by Morgoth’s lies along with the rest and was paranoid like anything).
I’ve really enjoyed talking about this with you, I like hearing differing opinions (and similar ones) especially about Fëanor as he still confounds me at times :) Thank you so much for continuing to read and review! I hope you continue to enjoy :D
I dont know what to make of Morovio. is he inately evil, or has something been done to him to turn him into what he is?
It seems there is no hope for him. He does not even understand the wrongs he has done. Without regret how is change possible?
I struggle to understand why Erestor seems to have this need for him. A legacy of the abuse or just the end result of loneliness and despair.
If you have noone then anyones touch can feel good. I would not mind if I thought Morovio could be redeemed but at the moment I think that is impossible.
“I dont know what to make of Morovio. is he inately evil, or has something been done to him to turn him into what he is?”
I am afraid this is one of those too often cases where someone who has suffered abuse in their childhood turns into the abuser. More of what happened comes out later in the story, so I’ll try not to spoil it. But regardless of what was done to Mórivo, it’s a reason, not an excuse. There can be no excuse for such actions even if there can be forgiveness.
“It seems there is no hope for him. He does not even understand the wrongs he has done. Without regret how is change possible?”
He’s in a lot of denial right now, still trying to justify what he did because without justification he must face the ruthless truth of what he is and what he’s done.
“If you have noone then anyones touch can feel good.”
Yes, I think Erestor’s motivation for allowing Mórivo back into his life is loneliness to a crippling degree. He has been alone for 30 years, with little enough companionship, lost in his grief, he’s desperate for someone, anyone, and unfortunately that anyone turns out to be Mórivo –for a time.
Thank you so very much for these great reviews :hugs: I love that you like the story so much, despite its no-doubt many flaws. I hope you continue to enjoy it :)
When I said Erestor needed someone to help him save himself I did not mean Morivo!!!!
Though he certainly needs saving and much as I despise Morivo at least he seems to have unlocked Erestors empathy and compassion and that's important.
How he has done that I don't know but if Erestor can feel sorry for his deepest enemy then there is hope for him!
Ps I love the picture. He is beautiful.
“When I said Erestor needed someone to help him save himself I did not mean Morivo!!!!”
Lol! When I read that in your last review, I was like oh shit, cause I knew what, or rather who was coming. Poor Erestor!
Erestor is a very compassionate person, and while he has a lot of hate and pain at this moment, he’s not a cold person. I don’t know how he can forgive Mórivo, but it’s not for me to understand, Erestor is just more compassionate then he has a right to be.
This was emotional, all the way through. So hard to read of elves killing elves.
I am pleased Erestors father died early though I wish he had not had to kill anyone again.
I hope he is reunited in the halls with Erestors mother. He was a good man damaged by an impulsive act in his youth..... Swearing an oath he would not have done had he known what it really meant. His punishment was his life that followed after. Surely that is enough. The valar may be petty but I like to think Eru is not.
While I was reading Erestors anguish I thought "he needs his silvan lady" and then she was there as if she knew but is she gone to him forever now? Has he destroyed that in his grief? Heartbreaking.
Lalauro..... Hmm I struggle with this. I understand the intensity of elves grieving but I cannot get past the fact she seems selfish, self absorbed, no thought for Erestor no thought for anyone beyond herself. To tell the truth I have never warmed to her. I don't know why. The note at the end says it all and Erestor is right to react as he did. How dare she.
I fear for Erestor now. I am nervous about reading what comes next. He needs someone, someone to help him refind himself. But where are they?
It was painful to write, but wonderful to hear it came across so well :) I am glad you liked it. And yes, I like to hope Erestor’s father has found some sort of peace in death and re-union with his wife.
“While I was reading Erestors anguish I thought "he needs his silvan lady" and then she was there as if she knew but is she gone to him forever now? Has he destroyed that in his grief? Heartbreaking.”
I’m afraid he has. Larainas isn’t going to allow herself to be treated like that, even if she is a compassionate person and can understand it came from the root of grief. We don’t see her again in this story; she has her own to live. I don’t mind giving a bit of a spoiler if you don’t mind reading one, it’s not something I’ve written yet as anything more than a mention, but Larainas ends up in the Greenwood/Mirkwood and actually becomes Legolas’ grandmother on his mother’s side.
“Lalauro..... Hmm I struggle with this. I understand the intensity of elves grieving but I cannot get past the fact she seems selfish, self absorbed, no thought for Erestor no thought for anyone beyond herself.”
I actually agree with you. I don’t think this was her first selfish act either; she got practically obsessive with her lover and didn’t visit Erestor or his father for long stretches of time. But while Erestor may have built her up in his mind into some creature of perfection –perhaps because he thinks himself so far from it—she was as flawed as any other person.
Wonderful chapter! I get Erestors father now. The kinslaying was totally abhorrent to him. His sense of duty is a shield he hides behind to protect his soul from the reality of what he has done and now that shield is cracking. It is not enough to keep out the truth of his deeds. I think he can no longer justify his actions to himself.
And now he knows his oath, his past, will lead his son to be a kinslayer also. How crushing. Erestor asked why he wasn't enough to make his father smile whereas Lalauro could. I do not think it is because he loves him less but the opposite. Lalauro he cares for but Erestor is his heart. The good to have come from his life and now all he sees is his deeds of the past destroying that most precious to him. He is overwhelmed with guilt.
Loved the scene in the forest. So glad Erestor had such a lovely first experience. It couldn't have been with anyone better! VERY hot!!
The Noldor and the silmarils frustrate me. They cannot let them go. They corrupt them by the actions they justify to regain them. Lainaras is right, they are a gem not a god. I know they are more than just a gem, but no matter what they contain or who made them or what oath was made over them they cannot be worth the damage done to souls in their name. They are not more important than the humanity of the elves themselves.
If there is one thing I blame Feanor for it is that he did not release his sons from the oath when he died. Even then the silmarils were more important to him than his children. He created the silmarils sure but he created his children also , are they not more precious? More beautiful? More wondrous? Erestors Father gets this finally. Feanor sadly never did.
Oh my goodness, thank you for all these wonderful reviews! Gosh you just made this a beautiful day :)
“Erestor asked why he wasn't enough to make his father smile whereas Lalauro could. I do not think it is because he loves him less but the opposite. Lalauro he cares for but Erestor is his heart.”
Yes, I agree with you completely. Erestor is the one he loves most deeply, but that love has been mixed with so much pain, especially now when his father sees the full extent of what his teachings of duty will lead his son into. Doriath is like all of his father’s nightmares come true, not just for himself, but for his son. I feel teary-eyed over these two now! Why the hell did I write this lol!
“Loved the scene in the forest. So glad Erestor had such a lovely first experience. It couldn't have been with anyone better! VERY hot!!”
Thanks! I am thrilled you liked those two together :)
“I know they are more than just a gem, but no matter what they contain or who made them or what oath was made over them they cannot be worth the damage done to souls in their name. They are not more important than the humanity of the elves themselves.”
I do agree with you, and actually, I think most of Fëanor’s sons would agree with you as well. But they can’t escape the Oath, so whether they want to or not, in the end it will drive them to its fulfillment. I mean, if the only thing they cared about was reclaiming the Silmarils they wouldn’t have sent Dior 2 requests for its surrender, they would have gone for a surprise attack, or attacked sooner, when Lúthien had just died and Dior hadn’t established himself well in Doriath yet. I know not everyone views the Oath as unbreakable (almost like Morgoth’s curse on Húrin’s line, the way it will always find them and ruin everything) but hey, to each their own :D
Ok, back to the Silmarils. I agree, they are no gods, and it doesn’t matter who created them or who put a part of themselves inside them, they are not worth killing over. However, I think what they really were was twisted into something completely different over the dark years in Beleriand. I read this really good essay that I’ve been looking for to link you to but can’t find :tears out hair: about the Silmarils and why Fëanor would have sworn his Oath to them and not to vengeance for his father. It talked about what the Silmarils could have represented to the Noldor in that time of Darkness when the Trees were gone and they were lost in the dark. In that environment, the Silmarils were a link to the Two Trees, to light, to hope for a future, and even to possibly the feeding of an addiction (the author makes the point that the Tree light could have been an almost addictive substance, and now I really wish I could find this to re-read again). Anyway, this is getting really long and I am no essay writer, but I totally think the re-claiming of the Silmarils was twisted into something else during the long years of war and hardship. To re-claim the Silmarils was something like claiming the ability to build their own paradise with the Silmarils’ light, for some of the people of Fëanor –at least I think so :)
“If there is one thing I blame Feanor for it is that he did not release his sons from the oath when he died. Even then the silmarils were more important to him than his children. He created the silmarils sure but he created his children also , are they not more precious? More beautiful? More wondrous? Erestors Father gets this finally. Feanor sadly never did.”
I should tell you before I start talking about Fëanor, that I love his character. That said, I can totally see how a person wouldn’t, and that’s completely cool. I am not one of those people who will start going crazy if you criticize one of my favs lol!
Anyway, I actually think the Oath is unbreakable, Fëanor literally doesn’t have the power to release his sons. I don’t know how far you’ve gotten in your Silm readings, and I’d hate to spoil anything for you, I’ll just say that Maedhros and Maglor have a discussion about the Oath later on and they pretty much agree that they can never be realized from the Oath because they swore on Eru, and even if Manwë and Varda were to release them, how can they ever reach Eru to ask the same?
I think Fëanor finally understood the magnitude of how far he’d damned his sons as he lay dying. He’d finally see the full measure of what exactly they were facing, seen the might of Morgoth, the immense height of Angband’s fortifications with his own eyes, and realized how far he’d fucked up not only himself but his sons. And then he went and fucked up more by yes, making them swear the Oath again, 3x! Do I think he said other stuff before he died and the re-sworn Oath was the only thing recorded? Yeah, I do. But even if he told his sons he loved them one last time, he still made then re-swear the Oath which I think pretty much negated any words of love because it made them doubt all over again which he loved best: the Silmarils or them.
I am not entirely sure why he wanted them to sear the Oath again, it could have been something twisted up in his head where he thought those were the only words of advice he could give them left: finish it. Or maybe he didn’t know what the fuck to do and was secretly panicking and despairing inside. Or maybe I’m giving him too much credit or maybe he was too lost in grief to be thinking clearly at all. I don’t know, I only know that I believe he did love his sons more than the Silmarils, but I think he didn’t make sure they knew that in the end and it had some devastating consequence on his sons over the years. I think it’s really triadic.
Omg this response has gotten really long! Sorry! I just love talking about this stuff too much lol Thanks again for the review :)
Erestors father is a complex and confusing character. I like him..... And yet most of the time I do not like him.
It feels like he wears a mask. We see only glimpses of who he really is. Honor and duty are obviously important to his self esteem yet they crush the humanity out of him. So sad.
Just when I am thinking he is unfeeling and judgemental he turns round and is surprisingly accepting of Erestor possibly being "different", before he even knew of the abuse.
I feel he wishes he could more often be himself at least with his son and this scene of them together with all their walls down was very touching.
Erestor’s father is yes, complex, but I am thrilled you both like and don’t like him lol! He’s…broken, I guess is a good word for him. I don’t think he ever really recovered from the Kinslaying, as so many soldiers who have killed in combat don’t. And he’s wrapped all that up in duty and honor so it’s easier for him to live with. And then he lost Erestor’s mother who he not only loved, but who I image was something of a steadying companion to him, his light in the darkness. You said it just right when you said he wears a mask, and that he’s crushed himself underneath it.
Gosh, I hadn’t thought about his character in a while and now, talking about him, it’s giving me all these feels lol!
I haven’t talked about Mórivo to you, I’m waiting to see what your feelings are towards him in a few chapters, because yeah, right now he looks like a total monster. I shall wait with anticipation to hear your thoughts.
Thank you so much for these lovely reviews. You made my day :hugs:
I am glad you put in that explanation of aging because all the way through the second half of the chapter I was wondering how Erestor had grown up so much in so short a time as an Elf.
And just when I thought Morivo was never to be seen again he is back, no doubt to try and inflict more pain on Erestor.
P.S. I really like Maglor!
Ah, maybe I should move that note to the beginning of the chapter…sorry if it was confusing! Elf aging is a bit confusing to me what with the differences of Tree and Sun years. It was actually Urloth who first started me on the idea that the children of Aman-born Elves might still age slower then Sindar, Silvan, ect. I’m glad it made sense (at least at the end lol).
I am so glad you still like Maglor! Those Fëanorions are as intimidating to write as they are exciting :)
This was so intense. I feel drained just reading it. A really good description inside the mind of a victim of abuse. How for all Erestors attempts he was powerless to stop what happened to him and how the abusers manipulated him.
Poor poor Erestor. I want to give him a hug and take him home with me.
And now I am going to have to go and read The Price of Vengeance too! My first impression of Maglor is relief he has found Erestor. I hope I am not disappointed in that. I love how you convey his power while all he was doing was carrying a small elfling. He feels somehow "more" than the other elves you have described so far.
“A really good description inside the mind of a victim of abuse. How for all Erestors attempts he was powerless to stop what happened to him and how the abusers manipulated him.”
I really appreciate hearing this, I want it to be realistic as much as possible, but I doubt my ability to write it well enough.
“And now I am going to have to go and read The Price of Vengeance too!”
As you are reading the Silm, I’m hopeful it won’t be too confusing if you do get a chance to read that one :) You will find Maglor changed a lot over the years (how could he not after all he endured?).
“I love how you convey his power while all he was doing was carrying a small elfling. He feels somehow "more" than the other elves you have described so far.”
Lol! You have no idea how much I love that he came across this way! I want my writing of the Fëanorions to be exactly like this, especially from an outsider’s POV, so I am ecstatic you felt this way when reading!
Hi, I am here following Ziggy's recommendation in search of Erestor, disillusioned after finding him absent in the Silmarillion!
Wow this is good! So gripping. I had never imagined Erestor as an elfling. He seems so unelfling like in his adult version. I fear for his safety here. Morivo has his eyes on him I can tell. What is Erestors father thinking abandoning him with these vile creatures? It's obvious his father loves him dearly but he seems neglectful all the same.
Am eagerly off to read more chapters!
Thank you so much for all these lovely reviews! It’s so wonderful it is to hear you’re enjoying the story :)
I hope you will not be disappointed with my Erestor, I’m in love with Ziggy’s Erestor as well, but I wrote this story long before I first read her work so the two of them don’t bear a strong resemblance other than that they both love their lords.
I agree with your assessment of Erestor’s father: he loves Erestor, but he is neglectful. I see you’ve comment more on Erestor’s father in another review, so I’ll talk about him there.
I can’t imagine Ziggy’s Erestor as an elfling either, other than that I image he followed Maedhros around everywhere, hero worshiping him as much as he adored him :D
This story almost made me cry at times, but I also laughed a lot. Elros' kids were so cute and funny!
I'm glad Erestor at least has Elrond and and Lindir left. The poor guy lost so many people, any other Elf would have faded by now for sure.
Of course I will stay to read the sequel as well. Though I'm having a bit of trouble with some of the characters you changed. Female Oropher nearly cost me my laptop, I won't be drinking any water again for sure when I'm reading.
Thank you so much for the review! You just made my day to hear from a new reader :hugs: I am so thrilled to hear you liked the story, and that you even found laughter in it (goodness knows it’s got a ton of angst :))
“Elros' kids were so cute and funny!”
I am glad you think so! I felt, when written Elros’ family, that is was pretty self-indulgent on my part. I just wanted to explore Númenórean society so much, and explore my thought that it might not actually be the best idea for Ainur and other races to have kids together as the Ainur are kind of like an alien species in a lot of ways.
“I'm glad Erestor at least has Elrond and and Lindir left. The poor guy lost so many people, any other Elf would have faded by now for sure.”
I know. Poor Erestor has suffered. :Looks around for culprit, finds no one but own self to blame. But..but... finger point, the muse made me!:
“Though I'm having a bit of trouble with some of the characters you changed. Female Oropher nearly cost me my laptop, I won't be drinking any water again for sure when I'm reading.”
I am taking this problem as a problem with excessive laughter and not ‘WTF, throws laptop across room’ kind of problem :grins: Ok, Oropher, yes Oropher. Oropher is not a female in my head, and I actually fought myself on this one, but Legolas of Gondolin would not say no to being Legolas’ granddaddy, and there was no way Thranduil was down with being a woman so Legolas of Gondolin could be Legolas’ father. Really what I should have done was whip back over to what I’d written of Legolas of Gondolin in The Price of Vengeance and sex-changed Legolas of Gondolin into a woman and then everything would have worked better. But no, I had to go the different route. Well let’s hope it proves interesting at the least.
Thank you ever so much for reading and reviewing! I hope you enjoy the sequel if you get a chance to read it, and let me hear what you think :D
I really enjoyed the ending. Loved the interactions between Elrond and Erestor. :)
Thank you for the review, it's so great to hear you liked it! I enjoy writing Elrond and Erestor together, Elrond surprises me with how youthful he still is. I used to not like Elrond as a character before I stared writing him, but then I read stories like your own excellent portrayal of himand started liking him. Now, the more I write him, the more he worms his way into my favorites :D
I'm really enjoying this. Very dark, very atmospheric. On to read more! :)
I apologize for the lateness of this reply. Thank you for taking the time to read and review, it's wonderful to hear you enjoyed the story, especially hearing this from such a talented author as yourself :)
:D Looks good! :)
It’s great to hear you’re still enjoying the story! There’s only one more chapter left after this one, but I am working on revising the sequel, so I should be re-posting that one within the week if all goes well. Thank you so much for the continued support :hugs:
I ended up really sorry for Elros here. I can believe the founding of N
No- it's not you not explaining it as all- it's me letting my imagination run riot! I was tongue in cheek whe I said he might be a spy- well a bit anyway. You are actually expoalining things really clearly.
Sometimes I really wish I could hear your thoughts in person, because I totally thought you were really confused lol! Thank you for taking a second and relieving my doubts, lovely lady :hugs: