Time together had grown precious and rare, and there were nights when Maedhros would not sleep. Instead he kept watch over the one who lay beside him. Cousin. Saviour. Beloved.
That last was the hardest of all to believe. The wild boy, the earnest young scholar, the fiery-eyed rebel, the laughing friend, the passionate and generous lover – all of it lay hidden now, at least by day. As King, Fingon wore a mask of still water and stone.
Its as if Maedhros feels something pressing against them and their time together. An ominousness, a gathering storm. That's how it feels to me. Which of course is so sad.
Sometimes the nightmares would come, and Maedhros would wake his cousin gently, and Fingon's eyes would blink open and the fear would fade, and he would give a soft-edged smile and murmur, “Maitimo.”
A lie of a name, now. And one he would permit only Fingon to use.
Oh! Maedhros. He believes he is ugly? now? I also think he believes he does not deserve Fingon either. I'm probably reading too much into it, just let me know if I am, but, I just get the edge of regret, there. Hence why he appears so protective.
Author's Response: "Its as if Maedhros feels something pressing against them and their time together. An ominousness, a gathering storm. That's how it feels to me. Which of course is so sad" - yes, exactly :( "I also think he believes he does not deserve Fingon either. I'm probably reading too much into it, just let me know if I am, but, I just get the edge of regret, there. " - I don't think you are reading too much into it, I think you're spot on. I think because, in this 'verse, they don't admit their feelings until they've been in Middle-earth for a number of years, Maedhros will always feel that element of guilt - that he shouldn't have involved Fingon in his Oath and his life any more than was necessary, and it was selfish to tell him how he felt. It's not even as though they were rekindling an old relationship, he deliberately began something in this dangerous time and place, with the Doom hanging over them, and you're probably right that that's why he is so protective.
Thank you, as always, Gabriel! <3
oh narya! You have distilled years of companionship and love into these elegantly phrases and oh so poignant thoughts of a sleepless Maedhros. Such a wonderful characterization of Fingon is such a few words. I love it. You know how much I love these two and I have an image of them in my head right now, just how they look in moments like this. Beautiful.
Author's Response: Thank you, Nelya! The storm clouds are really closing in for them now, and moments like this are increasingly rare. I love them too, I adored writing this, even though it's so short.
I love this, Narya. In just this one scene, you tell us everything. As always, the images are delicate and subtle, but complex and full of meaning, and the tender devotion of Maedhros- the fact he only lets Fingon say Maitimo- is heart breaking.
Author's Response: Aw, thank you, ziggy. I love these two.
Yet by night, if one watched carefully, flickers of his old selves danced across his sleeping features. His mouth would curl as though at some half-heard joke, or set in the hard, fixed line that had warned Maedhros of many an unwise scheme in the brewing. Sometimes the nightmares would come, and Maedhros would wake his cousin gently, and Fingon's eyes would blink open and the fear would fade, and he would give a soft-edged smile and murmur, “Maitimo
That’s so sad :( But I can imagine it, Fingon becoming like this when he has to take the crown of High Kingship.
Author's Response: Yes, and I imagine Fingon has his share of traumatic memories too - and Maedhros, at this distance from his own trauma, can probably help him cope. Thank you :)