Reviews For Child of Storms
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: November 04, 2014 16:30 · For: Chapter 67: Pride before the fall
Interesting, action filled chapter. Not like most of the action, but I love seeing Himeth (by the way, are they really calling her Himeth in her face? That seems unlikely, as it is not even her nickname...) getting put in her place!
Author's Response: Thank you! You are absolutely right, It is her nickname but as we got on with writing this story she was just referred to as 'Himeth' so often I think we both forgot what her actual name was XD
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: November 04, 2014 16:16 · For: Chapter 66: A tale written in flame
And so the story unfolds. Thanks for an other 2 chapters! Poor Anwyn, Poor Finolas. At least she could point them in the direction of the south.
I am certain you have re-written some portions of this chapter multiple times. Unfortunately it appears that the phrasing has suffered some from it. Let me see if I can point out some things, though I came across many.
Especially at the beginning, like this:
*that did she did not mind that betrayed her deep fondness for the tall golden haired elf* There are at least 2 different sentences here: *that betrayed her deep fondness* and *that she did not mind betraying her deep fondness* Unfortunately they do not work together like they are right now.
Also, it appears that the first paragraph has a runon sentence, at least 2 completely different actions have been mashed in one sentence. (The hugging of Elgalad, and the turning towards Eldarion) It would be a lot more easy to read if you would at least give each of those their own sentence.
And it appears you ended the sentence with a comma rather then a period: *and she was quite pleased to have such company about her now, * After this you start a new sentence.
I think a slow read through might be helpful, though I fully understand that that is not easy to do with your own work. One very easily reads what one intended to write, rather then what is actually written.
If you want me to point out some other points in this chapter, I will be happy to do so. You know, I hope, that I only point to these things to make your story even better, and even more enjoyable to read.
Author's Response: *Cracks knuckles* Okay! Let me work through this and you have given me abit to go on, which is not at all a bad thing! I appreciate that someone other than me cares about this story enough to give critique on how to make it better, critique which will not only help me with fixing this story but that I will also carry forward with me into other works. I do go back and re-read what I have written but even with that I still seem to miss things that I don't catch till someone points them out to me and then they seem to leap out. Re-writing parts of this story has been more difficult then I would have imagined, as I change one small detail and that throws other details suddenly out of sync but since I know how things go on the grander scale now I want to have this story, which is the starting point for so much, kind of sync with what is to come. Even though this story was 'done' so to speak years ago, it is still a work in progress. I just wish I could wrap my brain around writing more during the day, but I often do all of my writing at night because during the day I am usually at work and otherwise busy and at night is when I find the 'me' time I need to concentrate on writing (Productivity has dropped 900% percent since I got a baby mouse and his cage is right beside my computer and he is awake at night and I keep distracted watching him running around and forget about writing, LOL) There are only a few more chapters left in this story now, and I am actually going to write a couple of completely new chapters as I feel there are some things I need to wrap up before I close the cover on this story. If you would like to make some suggestions, I would be glad to hear them and I shall continue to do my best to make this story better and more coherent.
Name: curiouswombat (Signed) · Date: November 02, 2014 17:24 · For: Chapter 67: Pride before the fall
Ha! Good for Imrahil!
Author's Response: Imrahil is such a favorite character of mine and I am really excited whenever I have a chance to write with him :)
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 20, 2014 0:50 · For: Chapter 65 'Ask me anything'
Woohoo, 3 chapters, love it! Great interactions, and now Ephir knows. Before too long everyone will know, and Anwyn will feel betrayed once more. I hope they do think that through. Poor Finola. She has quite some adjusting to do... But she sounds like she is going to do what she can to make things right. Thanks for some great chapters this afternoon. The perfect ending this weekend. Obviously I could not ration them, despite my best intentions... LOL
Author's Response: Sorry about being so slow to respond to this! Yes, I had a good night and managed to post three chapters up at once, I was feeling pretty good about that. I didn't get as much work done on this story as I had anticipated during my time off but I am still chipping away at it. Actually, Anwyn will still not find out for a good long time yet, Elphir is exceptionally good at keeping his word. Finola kind of came out of nowhere and has in the time she has been around became a real personal favorite of mine, I am going to be tweaking her part in the rest of this story abit to set up for different things later on but she is a character that I will keep around as I can see her becoming a close friend to Anwyn as they are both in a place where they don't really long and can bond over that for starts at least. I can never ration things either (as proven by my already rapidly dwindling stash of Halloween Candy...still just under a week to the actual night and I got into it even though I told myself I wouldn't) so you won't get any judgement from me! Thanks as always for the review and I hope to have some new chapters up for you soon.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 13, 2014 19:18 · For: Chapter 62: Healing
I guess it did not take me that long... :( Oh well :) At least I got to read the 2nd chapter, and have thoroughly and joyed it. This is not the end, so I will wait somewhat patiently for the next chapters... LOL
I am so happy that Finola has been healed. How typical, for Eru to do so while Vanimore (or Eru I suppose using Vanimore) gets to caress and kiss her... :) Does Yridhren realize that his daughter might be tried as accomplice? Too bad that he got away, I hope that he will still gets what he deserves! I wish I could just spirit him back to Dol Amroth...
One question: *Imrahil and his sons will make provision for he , I am sure ''* I thought that was about Finola, which means they *will make provision for her*, not he?
Author's Response: This chapter was one of Spiced Wine's so I just import it over, it is my chapters I am finicky about and go back and change around so that they work better. This is not the final chapter, but as far as this story is concerned we are definitely on the downwards slide towards the finish, just a few more chapters left (In this story) Finola is a great character, I am really excited to bring her into other stories as I think Anwyn and her understand each other, they are both from the outside and weren't born into court but end up there all the same. Yridhren, for the time being, is gone. Though you have not heard the last of him. That is cliched villian talk, I know, but it is true. You are right, just a small type I will go back and fix :)
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 13, 2014 17:11 · For: Chapter 61: Mercy
Woohoo, new chapter!! Very sweet, finally Yridhren will get what he deserves, obviously the daughter of a murderer is not suitable as a queen.. All seems to finally be getting right! I am so thrilled. I was surprised by the CPR, though not necessarily because of whether or not they would have known about it. I had expected mouth to mouth, as she was not breathing, but this works too. :D Great chapter. Now, how long can I savor it before I read the second chapter you posted? LOL
Author's Response: I was relieved to get it done too! I changed alot of it around from the original. Unfortunately Yridhren has gotten away from this all quite cleanly, not his daughter though, she is not going to get off so neatly from all of this. Even if she had no part in what happened with Anwyn, she is still guilty of so much else. Mouth to Mouth rescue breathing *would* have been the best way to help someone who is not breathing with a pulse. I have read another story where a character performed CPR on someone who was unconscious with no pulse. Okay, I admit from a medical stand point that little bit of writing is not medically sound! Yet for the sake of the story it did work. If you are like me you won't be able to stay away from reading the next chapter for very long as I am very 'I will save it for later....Nah, gonna read it now!' I should have the next couple of chapters up within the next few days.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 08, 2014 18:20 · For: Chapter 60: 'Come back to me'
She is safe, at least for now. And maybe Vanimore can help the poor girl? I certainly hope so. I have reached the end for now. It is time for lunch anyway. Thanks for a pleasurable morning. I am waiting with bated breath for the next chapters! :D
Author's Response: I am so glad you enjoyed your mornings read! It might my afternoon to check my inbox and see all the reviews truthfully! :D It is a win win situation. I will work on getting the chapters up as quickly as I can, they are written they just need some tweaking here and there, nothing too wild fortunately so they should be up soon, I will see what I can get through tonight.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 08, 2014 18:10 · For: Chapter 59: The flower that grew in darkness
Some part of me is thinking that Yridhren had something with the fire that disfigured the poor girl. How awful to keep someone under those conditions!
I am a little surprised that he gave her the key though. And Anwyn trying to safe her even as she was being strangled. Unfortunately Finola is as likely to come back as truly escape, because this captivity is really all she knows, and she is undoubtable scared of how others would react to her. Poor Girl! Poor Anwyn. This story seems very grim at this point... One more chapter, and then I will wait (im) patiently until you post more. (Next week you said? :) )
Author's Response: Wether Yridhren was responsible for the fire, well that is not something I have ever really considered though I would not put it past him actually, as you can now see he is quite capable of doing some horrendous things if it works in his favor. Or it might have been he found the girl and decided he could have some use for her. I think he believed Finola so afraid of him he trusted her with the key, but her spirit is not completely crushed, fortunately. Really, she is a character I have become quite fond of as she has kind of grown in my mind though I am not really sure where she came from really, but I am glad she did come from somewhere. I don't want to say too much and spoil it, but she doesn't go anywhere and will be a part of further stories. Yes, next week as I booked the week off just because so I will have time to update this and if everything goes well, post the story in its entirety (Finally)
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 08, 2014 17:54 · For: Chapter 58: Of Marriage and Murder
At least they are looking! I can not believe that Yridhren would stoop that low. When the deceit would be discovered, the King would undoubtably declare the marriage null and void! I suppose the one redeeming feature of this situation is that Himeth would die long before Eldarion....
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 08, 2014 17:46 · For: Chapter 57: 'Consider yourself most fortunate'
Yridhren just does not give up, does he? Eldarion did not bed Himeth, She ensnared him, drugging him senseless! That is not the way a lady should behave! I certainly hope she and her father, who is no better, if not worse, get what they deserve, as you promised... Something is definitely wrong in a society where acts as such appear to get one exactly what is wanted. Time for Anwyn and Elphir to change those bad traditions!
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 08, 2014 17:37 · For: Chapter 56: Questions of Honor
Oh, what a wonderful mess here! Eldarion is being lured into a marriage by his own sense of honor, even though his impression of having spoiled Himeth is completely wrong... And now he congratulates Anwyn and Elphir in front of Imrahil, who obviously does not approve of any betrothal between them. I was intending on rationing the rest of these chapters, so I will not run out nearly as quickly, but I think today completely destroys any chance I have of that. I think I am in need of some relaxation and entertainment, and this fits the bill perfectly!
Author's Response: I hear you, I feel for Eldarion too but sometimes part of growing up is making mistakes that you will regret and hopefully he will learn. He congratulates them as he figures that Imrahil would have accepted the union of course he knows who Anwyn's real father is but he is really the only one! He has really gotten himself into a world of trouble, the poor guy.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 06, 2014 21:22 · For: Chapter 54: Love, Denied.
Interesting chapter! So much love between Elphir and Anwyn. Prince Imrahil clearly uncertain how to proceed with this. And Yridhren being his rude, obnoxious self... Prince Imrahil so clearly tries to make things reasonably pleasant, possibly can not understand that Anwyn and Elphir would flat out refuse to follow his ruling. I am amused that for all appearances, Dol Amroth is now going to arrange a marriage that Elphir has historically refused to accept. I would dare say, that Himeth (gees, I can not even think of what her real name is... LOL) is a very poor considering she has all but admitted to lying with another already, and has been proven a thief and has in front of all exhibited behaviour unbefitting a lady! (the dance where she ended up bedding Eldarion). And her father does not appear to have enough manners to act properly to a guest of the Prince, to the extend that the Prince has to admonish him in front of her. Very poor manners indeed! I vote Elphir and Anwyn run off together, and let the rest of Dol Amroth stew in their traditional rigid court. I am pretty sure they would be welcome in Gondor, or Ithilien.... :) But Elphir is probably too dutiful to do so, so they must find another way.
How are the rest of the chapters coming along? I am quickly running out here! ;)
Author's Response: Oh my goodness, you are catching up so very quickly! I have the rest of the chapters saved away, I just need to sort out which goes where and make sure that the continuity all matches up. There are maybe ten chapters more left in this story? I would have to check to be sure. The next part of Anwyn's adventure is already written, and I have parts of what comes after that too. I really like the character of Prince Imrahil, in ROTK he has some great lines but in this story he more has to stand up and be the voice of reason and tradition. There is so much going on now that I need to get all tied up before the end of the story, It does happen! I think sometimes linage is more important than behaviors, becuase if you have enough money you can buy peoples silence and Himeth comes from a family that does not want at all for money so some of her other indiscretions may have been swept under the rug so to speak. For the women, their entire lives they are raised to make the right marriage which could further their family socially. Himeth is no exception, she has been pursuing Elphir for years and he has been avoiding her advances for just as many years I should think so it would burn her like nothing else to see him with a woman of no name, so to speak. Even for how much he loves Anwyn, which is a great deal, Elphir would never turn his back on his family, he is just too loyal like that. I shall work on getting these last chapters up, I have some time off work coming up next week but I will see what I can do in the meantime as well! :)
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 04, 2014 3:15 · For: Chapter 53: In the land of Princes
Great chapter. Anwyns insecurity comes through so very well, it almost made me worried! :D She is a stranger in a strange land, and that is not easy. And to be introduced to it thusly, I can hardly begin to imagine how scary it must be, considering she is basically being measured and weighed by Imrahil, and the rest of the people are clearly taking their cue from that. I am glad Elphir is at first staying with her, but what could have kept him so long?
Couple of things, I am very confused reading this following sentence: *In her own lands she had felt such need for discomfort, nor had such a tide of doubt swept over her in the time she had dwelt in the court of the King at Minas Tirth but in Dol Armoth all was changed for her was the home of the man whom she loved, and in time it would become her home as well. * I think I get the gist of it, but the sentence does not make much sense as it is.
The courtier, a young man of perhaps fifteen summers with large kind eyes and dark hair gave her a kind smile and Anwyn followed her to a room, --- The courtier is clearly male, therefore it would be *followed him to a room*.
Author's Response: You would think Anwyn should be more accustomed to being the odd one out by now, she has enough experience with it! There is also something of a stiffness to her character, she doesn't want to change to become more accepted, she doesn't think she needs to. Really, Elphir is the only reason she is there, I think she may have optioned going to Ithilien and perhaps living with Eowyn there until things can be sorted out, but her heart is with Elphir and she is willing to cope with the ackwardness and strangeness for him. I ended up removing that paragraph completely, I was thinking to rework it then I saw what was before and after and it just felt unnecessary, that is what I keep doing with my 'pruning' taking out anything that is awkward and unnecessary. That mistake has been fixed also, Thank you :)
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 03, 2014 21:14 · For: Chapter 52: Daughter of Land, Son of Sea
Oh, not another spy! Grrr.... The travel sounds lovely though. Wish we could travel like that, instead of being cooped into a car! Glad to hear that Elphir and Anwyn are absolutely and positively in love, and that they are going to get married. Are they not a little careless though? Making love whenever they want is what gets a girl pregnant! :D
One small thing:
Anwyn was silent as was Elphir, as they both simply savored this time for the journey had not allowed them no time to be so alone. --- This is a double negative, in fact meaning that they had been allowed time to be alone.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 03, 2014 20:44 · For: Chapter 50: Tokens of Love
And Eowyn slept through all that? Somehow I find that hard to believe! :) Even if she were exhausted, the door slammed open, Himeth shrieking...
At least it sounds like Eldarion is getting some good advice, and I hope that they are just getting a good life lesson out of this. Man, that vixen just does not know when to stop! Are you sure I can not go and beat her up? :)
Author's Response: I don't know if Eowyn was truly asleep, or just feigning it as she felt it better not to get involved ;) I mean she has to let this younger generation figure some of their nonsense out! Eldarion is young, that is one thing I keep in mind with him, still young and controlled by passions more than reason. It doesn't feel he is not intelligent, but we all do things in the heat of a moment we may later regret. I have no trouble with Himeth getting beaten up! But don't worry, she will get hers! You are just whipping through this story, woah! I will see what I can do with getting the rest of it up this weekend, it is all written I just need to re-read and edit if required.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 03, 2014 19:31 · For: Chapter 49: Strange Desires
Poor Eldarion, how is he going to get out of this one? Loved the tension, the fury coming from Eldarion. Poor Elphir, getting knocked out for trying to safe him... Himeth certainly seems to be getting all she wants... Can I beat her up? Thanks for a very interesting chapter. I kept thinking that someone, somehow had to come and safe Eldarion.
Author's Response: Eldarion, despite his Royal upbringing and his impressive lineage, he is still just a young impulsive lad and he is in a strange confusing place mentally, just like Anwyn was a while back, and in those times people don't always make the most reasonable decision. Elphir wasn't knocked out, it was more a blow to the family jewels? Not at all a fitting thing for one Prince to do another, but Eldarion is incredibly jealous of what is growing between Anwyn and Elphir. You are free to beat Himeth up, I surely will not stop you! Eldarion has friends who care about him deeply, he will not be left alone to deal with Himeth, I can certainly assure that.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 03, 2014 1:12 · For: Chapter 47: The breaking of a storm
Man, these last chapters have been amazing. I could hardly stop reading, they were just too exciting, too much happening to put the computer away for a while. Poor Anwyn, but at least Vanimore has at least aided her a little, even if it did not truly change what would happen anyway. It will make Anwyn her life a little easier, which will be difficult enough in the near future... At least Elphir appears to be sincere in his desire for her, even if he is not sure how to deal with her unknown sire. Gailrin and her father need to be locked in the deepest dungeon to be found. I sincerely dislike them! (and realize that they have been written for that purpose, so great job!)
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 02, 2014 21:24 · For: Chapter 44: Blood of the Innocent
I hate this chapter! It is very well written, but I do not want Olwen to die. :( I still *had* to read it, because it is so well written, the horror just pouring out of it....
Author's Response: This is really a rough chapter. There are a few of them, spread throughout the stories, that when I have to come back and deal with that chapter I have to mentally brace myself. Poor Olwen, what happened to her was really awful but Himeth is just so freaking ambitious, she doesn't care who gets hurt...she would just rather it be Anwyn, and not a good friend of her but when you light a fire you can't always control where it goes.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 02, 2014 17:40 · For: Chapter 41: Difficult Diplomacy
I enjoyed this chapter a lot, but was left a little confused about some things.
*He also, now, felt a stab of jealousy. He had kissed Anwyn, and surely had felt her respond, felt the flame between them. * Who had kissed Anwyn? I think I missed something and am confused. I think it is indicating that Elgalad kissed Anwyn, and I certainly would remember that!
Elgalad told Elphir that Vanimore has Maia blood, but when Van speaks into his mind it appears that fact has completely slipped Elphir*s mind.
And I am now a little confused by the spelling of Melion/Meluion. Here it is spelled without u again, and I am starting to wonder what the right spelling is.
Just one more minor thing:
I felt.. my faather would have done something --- I think father is with one a.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 02, 2014 17:23 · For: Chapter 40: Under the Stars
I loved this chapter. * the embodiment of the full fury of a shaken beehive wrapped up in silks. * made me truly lol. My daughter thought I had gone off the deep end. Thanks, I needed a laugh this morning.
And Gailrin*s swim in the pond, precious! Even if it effectively drove her into Elphir*s arms... Anwyn is going to have to learn court politics very soon, if she is going to be involved with Elphir.
I hope I am not inundating you with reviews too much. Do not hesitate to take your time in responding to them. I am a stay at home mom, with 2 little girls still at home (2 slightly bigger boys at school), and every once in a while I need some outlet to stay sane. Right now Child of Storms is it... :D
Yet it was not the King or Prince she did not wish to dine with, it was nearly everyone else who was sure to also be there and she did not understand her Eowyn’s rigid insistence that she must attend. --- I think the her before Eowyn is superfluous...
she found herself starring woman’s turned back, with dark curls bouncing with each quick step before the woman reached out to accept the Princes offered hand. --- I think she found herself staring *at the*
woman’s turned back?
Anwyn turned sharply on a heel and strode quickly away, not caring where her feet took he.. ---- I think the first period at the end should be an *r*? (..., not caring where her feet took her.)
Gailrin’s lower trembled as the one who had been so cold and cruel but moments ago now appeared upon the verge of tears and with a wail she threw herself forward, her arms wrapping about Elphir’s waist --- I think a word is missing after lower. Lip maybe?
All too aware of closely she was now being watched and perhaps even further judged she had no desire to remain and proclaim her innocence. --- Should that not be *All too aware of how closely she was not being watched*?
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 02, 2014 0:38 · For: Chapter 39: The Dangers of High Ambition
Fun chapter where it feels like several situations are being set up. I can so understand Eldarion just wanting a friend and not a title sayer. It must really be pretty lonely, to be crown prince, with very few true friends... I have a feeling I remember what happens to poor Olwen.... :( I almost want to skip that part, but we will see when I get to it.
Just one tiny question: Thy feelings are natural , but toward one whom is close kin to thee in blood. And as Melion said, that has only just been revealed to thee . --- I thought Meluion had a u in it?
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2014 22:46 · For: Chapter 38: "Welcome to Arda Marred..."
Poor Eldarion. But better he finds out now, rather then after he does something he will regret. Of course Elgalad would be concerned about such things, and know about it too.
One question: *Thou art drawn to the Lady? And for the first time, but not the last , thou dost know desire desire.* Why the double use of the word desire?
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2014 21:10 · For: Chapter 37: The beauty in truth
Ah, Elphir is indeed overlooking her behavior, and trying to be her friend. I amuses me that Anwyn takes her brother*s words, and does not seem to think of what this will do to her parents, who loved her as one of their own, knowing full well that she was not of their blood. Her parents must still be terrified, not knowing what happened to her, and very sad to not see her again.
I have been very interested in her calling her mother so quickly mother. After all, Anwyn has a person she truly considers her mother, just like she has a person who she truly considers her father. I have known people who were adopted, found a birth parent and loved them, but called them by their first name for the rest of their life, because they already had a mother/father. Considering the short amount of time that Anwyn has met Eowyn, I would have expected her to call her by her first name, if not her title.
I like Elphir and his personality. He is very much a spoiled prince, but instinctively he does have a very good nature.
Thanks for a fun chapter, and I am glad that Anwyn got a little bit of a break from the horror. Undoubtably there will be more on the horizon, as I am sure the king and queen will be arriving, and the queen obviously did not like her before, and that will not have changed. I can even see her blaming Anwyn for the unscheduled sea voyage....
Author's Response: Writing this, I was kind of questioning if Anwyn firstly would ever call Eowyn mother ever, it felt strange to me as well but writing it I just got the strong feeling that she would in kind of a moment of weakness, where she realized how close they were to potentially being separated and never seeing each other again, and feeling frightened it just kind of happened. I think that Anwyn is slowly accepting that Eowyn might have given birth to her, but there is another woman who she truly views as her mother. In the future Anwyn does call Eowyn, well, Eowyn or Lady Eowyn as occassion might call for. What is between them is tricky, There is a strange sort of love but Anwyn does not want to accept her as a mother, as she does feel it would be betraying the one who actually raised her. Elphir is kind of one of my favorite characters, he can come off as kind of aloof and granted, yes, spoiled, but that is how he was raised. Being raised in a place where you are told you are the Heir, it does leave you with a sense of importance and duty but beneath that, he is a good man, noble even to a fault. He intially doesn't know what to make of Anwyn, ladies in his Kingdom fall over themselves to get his attention and Anwyn just won't do that, she has been through too much already to bother putting on a show for him or any man, though she has certainly noticed him and isn't sure what to make of him either, she doesn't want to trust him but he hasn't given her a reason not to. There have been many who up to now have mostly wanted to hurt her. One of my favorite stories is writing the evolving relationship between them. Thank you for all the new reviews, I got up caught dealing with other things tonight and it has gotten quite late already but I shall respond to the others as soon as I can as since you took the time to write them, which I appreciate so much, I shall certainly take the time to respond when I can :)
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2014 5:02 · For: Prologue: Grief and Hope
I wanted to comment on this:
*Thank you for bringing that to my attention, it is not something you have missed but it is something I should add as if it is not clear to you, the reader, then I need to go back and do a little bit more revision. Basically, as I kind of left it in the case of the murder, The King personally has found Anwyn not guilty of any wrong doing but now has Armelle in the prison for charges of kidnapping, and that is to start. I think way, way, WAY back I might have written a scene of a trial where Anwyn is asked to stand up and tell about everything that has happened but that has kind of fallen to the cutting room floor of things. I think I found it too procedural for what this story is, and the King knows that Anwyn could have killed a man, and so he does not hold her responsible and after Vanimore came and spoke on her behalf he let her have more freedom, even if she is not to leave completely and return to Rohan. I do apologize as I am so familiar with all the canon of my own story which is in my head as I have been writing this story and working with these characters for years, I sometimes forget to translate that into the story which might confuse readers, which is certainly not my goal. There should be a scene (I hope it has not gotten left out) where someone else tells him that she is there, even if he does not see her for himself, they do not meet up at the Inn, *
Just copied your response, as I do not believe these reviews link up to your responses, or even the original chapters, and I do not want things to become very confusing. :D I do think it might be worth maybe adding a line or two in the chapter where Eldarion takes her on the ride, that the king has found her not guilty, as in this edit that is not present in any way. It definitely makes it confusing for me. I do think that the whole trial (or even a scene there of) would be a bit procedural. It would be very hard to remember all these things, especially when one goes back and changes things (for the better I am sure). As the story reads right now, I initially had the impression she was not aware, then later there was a comment that she had heard Eadearn talking/yelling at Eowyn, which seemed reasonable, as there was likely an open window or so. Then it seemed a little weird to me that she would basically still trust him in the forest, when he basically tries to kill her. But it all worked pretty well for me. It was just confusing that apparently Eadbearn attempted to press his attentions which were unwanted. (Chapter 30) He did not even get to talk to her since her initial kidnapping (poor girl, most people do not even get kidnapped once! LOL), how could he have pressed his attentions (presumably sexual attention, as that is what Elgalad was talking about) on her? Just my impressions of course. :D
Author's Response: Thank you for all these thoughtful and very indepth reviews, I am truly grateful for all of them even if I have fallen more behind then I would like in responding back becuase I feel if someone has taken the time to leave a review, I will surely find the time to respond back. I'm just at the end of a very long work week so I will see what catching up I can do now! I will track back to that chapter and put something in to hopefully make it clearer for when other people read the story it will make sense for them as I am sure there was a trial and some kind of sentance handed down to Armelle but it didn't make sense to have Anwyn dragged in and be part of it, if she had told the King everything that she knew and had happened I think he would have taken that with him before deciding on a punishment. Now as what happens between Anwyn and her brother Eadbearn, that is an aspect of the story that has changed several times as I have moved this story around. Intially his advances towards her were more of a sexual nature, which he felt more free to do knowing that she was not his sister in blood, and so in his mind not at all. But I have now written past just Child of Storms, which runs over the course of a few months in Anwyn's life, but writing the story after and the story after that when I came back to the story I wanted to change a couple of things and so I did for my part, but I wrote this story co-operative with Spiced Wine years ago when it was part of a roleplay, like I would post my part and then she would post her part and we worked back and fourth like that and this story grew out of that. Now, I have no issue going back and changing my own writing in a story but I won't touch any of Spiced's writing out of respect for her, I was and still very grateful for her help in crafting this story as she brought some really great ideas to the table which really helped me, and created some important plot points which I could branch out from. So when you read her parts, those were written in response to the very first draft of the story when I was still trying to flesh out characters and what they were about, as taking it from an RP to a full story was something I had never done before. This is my very first full length story. Though, nderstandably, it can get confusing at times. I wanted to kind of steer Eadearn's motives towards he is very angry as he feels Anwyn is personally responsible for the deception and he wants to humiliate and shame her, in one of the first drafts I think he tried to do more but again, knowing what I know now about the characters and later plots I felt it was best to steer away from that.
Name: Mindirith (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2014 4:47 · For: Prologue: Grief and Hope
In regards to this question:*But were those errors in the same chapter? This review is showing up on Chapter 30, which was actually one of Spiced's chapters. I will go back and have another look, I poked around a few chapters but couldn't find that specific bit of text. It is bad when you have written stuff and you can't remember it, but I have written loads of stuff over the years, and sometimes I have mental blocks on stuff. Here are the typo thingies I came across:
Pephennas remarked choosing this moment to grab the fists with his own hands and lift the woman’s arms above her had, I think that would be above her *head* (my apologies by the way, my keyboard is old, and the apostrophy and quote key does not work anymore... So I try to resolve it in inventive ways, if spell check does not give me the right option. Also, it appears that you need a period at the end, because you start a new sentence at the end.
Eowyn had at last spoken, though her voice was scarcely above a raspy whisper, her expression then was dangerously venerable --- Venerable means showing a great deal respect. Did you mean vulnerable?
And last but not least: Eowyn cast sidelong glance at her, and in it Anwyn saw both disappointment in relief at once. should that be *disappointment and relief?*.* For me it said from Chapter 32, held by bonds of love and I do find them there. Hope this helps. :)
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