Oh my good ness. This is epic and huge.
The opening shot of Angband is tremendous and sets the scene for this cosmic battle that i s way way beyond anything that Tolkien imagined. This whole chapter is just brilliant.
It looked — like part of a mountain-chain torn from its roots. And that, Vanimórë knew, was what it was supposed to resemble. It was Angband reimagined, recreated, fashioned of Melkor’s mind. Rivers of lightning splintered against it; fire and liquid darkness poured from its base and vast doorways gaped. A dragon curled about its triple crown of peaks, a dragon as black as they, eyes red as lava.
Ancalagon raised his head and roared forth flame.
And Melkor stood at the titanic doorway, the black stone around him curved like fangs. His armour was night-dark, the helm encasing his face, but leaving his features visible, sable hair streaming like a storm of night.
He was the Melkor of old, before his fall, and his eyes held the promise of ruin, of Ages of hatred.
The fortress moved, implacable as a juggernaut
We get this enormously satisfying sense of scale and then the gruesome horror, and the specatacle of Melkor's hordes. It feels like we could actually lose this battle.
I knew this chapter was going to be spectacular, but it exceeded my expectations ten times over! I keep going back to read over parts again, there is so much to take in here.
The imagery that you use brings this cosmic feeling to all of the moments here, and the fully realized elves in all of their glory are so fantastic. You made me want to cheer for them!
"They came down from the high airs in a line like the visible impact of a hurricane. The wind screamed and the spirits of the air, lead by one whom had been master of it before Manwë bound him, blasted back the blinding dust-cloud, flinging it northward, scattering Melkor’s armies like black, tumbling chaff. "
“And a star, dropping, faster, faster, sword outstretched and blazing white as lightning, wings back like a diving eagle, raven hair streaming, gauging perfectly Smaug’s speed and his own —“
These moments and so many others just took my breath, I can see it so vividly in my mind!
I loved the interactions of Mairon and Celebrimbor, they both fall into banter so easily. I was also loved seeing Vanya again, she is tough as nails. There were so many moments I loved, Elgalad and Van, Glorfindel and Ecthelion, I could gush about this chapter for a long time!
The scope of the battle was done so well, it felt vast and expansive. Within the full scope of the fight, all of the little personal details that you gave it were wonderful. With characters facing off against old foes, Glorfindel and Ecthelion against the Balrogs, or Turin against Glaurung. I can't imagine how hard it was to work this all together in a way that made sense, but you did it flawlessly; with so much to show, you balanced both macro and micro beautifully.
Van's realization at the end of this chapter is chilling, that this might have been Eru's plan all along, or that history is repeating itself. I still don't understand Eru or his motivation, or why he feels the need to try and bring another universe to its end. I can only hope that Vanimórë, Feanor, Fingolfin, and all of the rest of them can change the course of this universe.
I am so happy we get another chapter to continue this, I really cannot wait! Thank you for working so hard to bring your story to this point!
I am so thrilled at the comments I have had on this chapter, because it was damned hard to write :D And left me pretty exhausted, hence it being split into 2. And I have an idea the next one is going to be harder still. So thank you VERY much for your kind words, Poppy Marie :)
Oh my goodness, wow O_o
This is incredible, Spiced. I feel exhausted - like I was there with them.
Rivers of lightning splintered against it; fire and liquid darkness poured from its base and vast doorways gaped. A dragon curled about its triple crown of peaks, a dragon as black as they, eyes red as lava.
Ancalagon raised his head and roared forth flame.
I can see this so clearly; I've even got music in my head to accompany it. Brilliant description.
Their tall helms were a hindrance to the kiss.
I love that you included this. And oh, that farewell...I hope they do see each other on the other side :( :(
Seeing them all as they were meant to be is wonderful - Eonwë, Coldagnir, the Elves, Vanya's harder side (that gave me shivers in the most amazing way). And Sauron and Celebrimbor, wary cats, yes, perfect. And Orodreth is back! For some reason that made me ridiculously happy, I know he's an absolute piece of work in your 'verse but I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Loved the women turning up, and that Van's thought was essentially, hmm, yeah, wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of that lot...
And a star, dropping, faster, faster, sword outstretched and blazing white as lightning, wings back like a diving eagle, raven hair streaming, gauging perfectly Smaug’s speed and his own —
— And struck. The sword pierced dragon-hide like a white-hot awl.
Detonation. A fireball. Heat slammed outwards like a giant’s fist. Where Smaug had flown, there was now— nothing.
Vanimórë heard Fëanor’s agonised mind-shout. Fingolfin!
Fingolfin. For a moment, his soul-flame shone more brilliantly than any star then, it, too, was dragged inexorably into the Void of Angband.
Oh, goodness, I know (I hope??) you will bring Fingolfin back, but what is Fëanor going to do before then!?
And Vanimórë could not take his attention from Eru for one moment. He had rarely fought with fury; he had learned that lesson young. Be cold. Be ice. But now he felt it rising within him. He could not release it. Could not. It would destroy the Universe. And suddenly, shockingly as blood pouring into the throat from a death wound, came a sense of dreadful revelation.
Eru...is this what happened to thee? Is it?
:O :O :O
Amazing, Spiced, I can't imagine what it must have taken to write all this...so much happening at once, and yet it's all so clear, and so immersive. Love it
No-one is gone forever — hopefully! I am so glad you liked this. I was going to write it as one last chapter, but so much was going onut I’m delighted that you liked it and it made you tired, as it did me, lol! Thank you!
I am super late to this cahpter, but wow there is a lot here!
Maglor and Van are such a fantastic dynamic to read, with all of their complex emotions for one another. Their love, hate, admiration, and anger, this amalgamation of emotions creates something really unique in their relationship that makes them so incredible together. You have done such an amazing job with their characters across all your stories. Van got what he needed here, to let go at least for a little bit, his control must just kill him to keep up. When he said that he didn't "require" love, that was an interesting statement. I suppose he does not requrie it no, but does he even want it? Or is this just a holdover from his entire life of not allowing himself to want?
I did not see this coming with Eru, though I thought he was acting a bit odd. So now it will be Melkor and Eru against Vanimorë? Or all of them against one another? I can't believe after so long that we are coming to the final battle! I am so excited to see what happens form here!
Thank you for your brilliant writing!
Thank you so much, Poppy :) I am so glad you enjoyed it.
Van and Maglor are so interesting for me to write; so much going on there, although they’re not even a couple, lol.
I imagine that ‘love’ comment is honestly true as far as Van sees it, although he uses not necessarily seeing all the truth. When he killed his sister, and he was so young, he had no-one to love, and what he wanted *was* someone to love. So it;s the truth as far as it goes.
I am writing Dagor Dagorath at the moment, it’s the hardest bit of writing I have ever done!
oh no, looks like it will be Eru vs Van in the end...am hoping Feanor et all are on Van's side, and lend their collective strength to help Van...
And he and Maglor together, wow hot! fanning herself! These 2 are so mesmerizing.
lol I don't have high opinion of Indis, and you just show what a leech she is. I think some of her negative traits got passed down to Galadriel. And Yuck...seducing a young Feanor, what's she thinking. urgh....so disgusted by this :(
Wow, Kasura, massive apologies for not replying to this. I never even saw it :(
Thank you so much for your kind comments. I am so glad you liked Van and Maglor together, they are an odd not-couple but so interesting to write.
I have always thought Galadriel was rather like Indis, although more ‘aggressive’, perhaps.
Oh man, I am so disgusted with Finwe! He infuriates me! He is such a selfish prick. What exactly did Edenel do to him that was oh so terrible? Nothing! Finwe is just like Turgon, stewing in their jealousies and envies and letting it warp them -almost seeming to WANT it to warp them neither seem to have put up much of a fight, but rather embraced the nasty elements of their personalities. I wanted Edenel to punch Finwe in the face, or laugh in his face, but I can understand how his passed trauma caused him to think he 'owed' Finwe, or was somehow to blame -which just makes Finwe's actions all the more deplorable! Finwe is taking advantage of a person who has lived through horrors and pain he cannot even begin to fathom!
I have zero sympathy for Finwe left, and don't care at all if he ever comes to understand the true ugliness of what he did and what he has become. He hurt Edenel and that is just not on!
I love how much emotion you got me feeling over this scene! It was superbly executed :)
Thank you so much :)
I think Finwë is horribly jealous (still) and guilt-ridden (still) but his time in Valinor did him no good whatsoever, I feel, because all that just comes out now as a kind of hate against someone who (you’re right) does not deserve it.
"‘I love Elgalad, but he is not Elgalad.’
‘He is as much Elgalad as anyone, I think. One cannot live a persona for so long without some of it becoming real.’
‘Maglor. It is all right. Once I needed...I admit, I needed to love, for someone to love me.’ His smile almost shattered Maglor’s heart. Whatever the reason, he had been betrayed by the one person he had loved and trusted."
Oh god. This was such a gut-punch. I want to cry and throw things at my computer screen, screaming No, Van, NO! How does he bottle this all inside? And yet he does -and HAS for millennium, since he was just a child. My gods. This hurts so much to read tho, the way he tries to convince Maglor -himself- that he is fine, that he doesn't need anyone to love him anymore. :weeps: This was so SO well written.
OK, man, this scene between Maglor and Van, the whole of it, Maglor going behind Van's eyes, Maglor dominating Van, switching their roles out, not letting Van get away from him, and then, at the end, when Van tells him not to tell anyone....it was glorious and kept me clued to the page and left me rocking with all the passion and just sheer emotion and vivid detail of it all! Absolutely fabulous! So, so good!
Oh, thank you, I am glad you like it. It was a bit hard to write but it is a part of Van’s personality and Maglor knows it, really, from a long, long time ago (must have been in Dark God) and yes. And the hurt, always there, I am afraid....
Oh, I have been looking forwards to the encounter between Van and Indis! Love this:
walking with a long, light prowl
Yes, perfect. And Indis's story...well, I can see where your Galadriel gets her tendencies from :/
‘Really, my dear. I am not quite a slut. I do not bed everyone.’ He widened his eyes provocatively. ‘She is very beautiful, but she simply wanted to use me.’
A smile tugged at Maglor’s mouth. His long lashes lowered. He said demurely: ‘Of course she did.’
I love reading them together. So much history, so many layers of emotion and fury and kinship and love...brilliant and riveting.
The love of a Fëanorion for his kin is like nothing I have ever known. It is potent. But for a while thou didst hate them, in the depth of thy being, because they left thee all alone. They died. And Maedhros, the Storm of the North, they called him, though the orcs had another name, the Burning One, whose face they fled from, the brother thou didst admire and love most of all, who came back from torment and maiming, in the end he, too, left thee. He succumbed to despair. And thou didst hate him for that. And thou couldst not live with hating him, couldst thou?
Oh my goodness, YES, I haven't gone there yet in my 'verse because in Paradox he has moved on from that (as much as he is ever able to...) but this is exactly what I think too. (I'm choking up now.)
‘Vanimórë?’ Maglor said sharply, impatiently. And under that, there was a terrible tenderness. ‘Vanimorë?’
‘Melkor,’ Vanimórë said. ‘The Void has opened.’
‘Yes.’ Vanimórë turned to him, and his eyes reflected the red light like the wrath of gods. ‘I was holding it. This is not me. This is Eru. He has grown impatient. He wants the end-game, Maglor. And now it comes.’
OHHH!!! So it is time for the end game...and Eru against Vanimórë, yes, of course, that makes complete sense.
Amazing chapter; I cannot wait to see where this goes!
OOoh, I’m glad you ‘got’ that, because I think it’s perfectly possible to hate someone you love for something that was not even their fault, but the loneliness, the sense of having being left behind...it made me so sad.
Yes, end game coming up, and then I can heave a big sigh of relief and continue with other things, (and Portal stories) lol.
Thank you so much!
He broke from stillness, leapt down over the boulders, through the heather, her beautiful man, whom had died even before she with her short Mortal life. Had died but now lived, sun-bright hair streaming about him in wild waves, eyes light-filled, his wonderful mouth saying her name over and over.
He swept her up. She had forgotten how tall he was! But her heart, even in old age, had never forgotten the heat of his kiss, the strength of his arms. He kissed her all over her face and she chased his lips with her own until all that was left was a laughter welling up like a clear spring, a laughter that brought tears in its wake.
She turned to Finrod, who took her hand. ‘Welcome, beloved lady,’ he said and he, too kissed her. ‘I rejoice to see thee again.’
And he said, to Vanimórë: I thank thee.
I don't know how I missed this update- but it was such a treat to find. This is so romantic andbeautiful. As always, the imagery is superb, but the delicacy of he characterisation is just lovely- I wasn't familiar with the story but this has made me want to read it now.
Oh our wonderful noble Vanimore- absorbing all the sickness and evil done to those first elves who became orcs- i really want to see them cleansed and hrald- but I love that final scene with Maglor and rather agree with Van that I also 'enjoyed Maglor calling him an idiot in that wonderfully mellifluous bell-toned voice.'
I am really loking forward to that next bit.
Thank you so much :) I am so pleased you liked it. Sorry for the brevity, but I am with Mum at the moment!
Oh, wow! Turgon completely lost it! Even though you warned me that he'd try to kill Fingolfin, I am still shocked with how it all unfolded, and am left asking myself what the hell is wrong with him! How could he do this to Fingolfin? Gods, he has been eaten alive by his own hatred -and the worse is that he seems to have indulged it, that he enjoyed hating. Ugh.
Feanor, Fingolfin, all of these lovely Elves have finally said enough is enough, and what a powerful image they made! So beautiful, so full of fire, and so completely done with this. And I absolutely love that Fingolfin was the one to finally announce to the world that he was Feanor's lover! And I loved the way he said he, the way he was so done with people butting into his business! I can feel how entirely fed up they are all with hiding in the shadows, the time to burn openly has come!
I did love writing Fingolfin just completely done with the whole shebang and spoke out! He’d waited a log time for that :) Thank you!
Damn, what a cliff-hanger! Did someone attack Feanor (or is the place Turgon tried to kill Fingolfin, but failed and hit Feanor instead?); I shall have to read and find out!
I really loved this: “Gods, the things we will believe, so as not to accept the truth. They knew it was no illusion. But even Elves could find themselves confronted by something their minds could not encompass. Not forever. We will grow into what we were always meant to be. Beings of starlight, shedding our forms at will to walk among the worlds...”
Feanor is very insightful here in his understanding of human nature and the way the mind can twist itself away from the truth even when it’s looking us in the face (reminds me a lot of the times we are living in right now, ugh, but very spot on).
And I loved this glimpse of what the Elves will be/should have always been: Beings of starlight, shedding our forms at will to walk among the worlds...” So beautiful.
Another fantastic chapter!
Yes, they will become that, the Elves, well are already now, as far as I’ve written :)
Yes, oddd how things happening now are very relevant to things in the story! Thank you :)
I am terribly late reviewing this! my apologies!
The first part of this chapter was so beautiful! I have seen this art around on different sites and I thought it was just beautiful. I didn't expect to get such a lovely piece about these characters that we really never see, but I very much enjoyed it. You have a talent for making even minor plot points or side stories interesting and beautiful in their own rights. It adds dimension to the world you've built and I really enjoyed reading this one. I hope that Andreth and Aegnor are very happy!
I am looking forward more and more to this battle! I cannot wait to see how you write it! I was also intrigued by the questions of what to do with the orcs, I am not sure how I feel about Van's idea. I hate the thought of him putting himself thorough more horrible things even if his motivations are good. :/ I can't wait to see what Maglor has to say to Van though! I have been waiting for them to have an encounter!
Thank you for writing!
No apologies necessary— thank you for commenting :) I’m so glad you liked it, and I am working on Maglor and Van, just slowly, die to personal stuff. But it will come :)
Oh gods, this chapter! I love it! But man, what a punch in the gut at the beginning! That nightmare/alternative universe for Van was horrific. I absolutely loved seeing him and Vanya interacting! Van is right that he should have let her have the chance to grow strong, even if that meant she had to live a life similar to his, but I completely understand why he wasn’t able to either –both the explanation of not having an examples of strong women at that time, but also him being who he is, he just wanted to save her from the pain and was willing to sacrifice anything –even become her murderer- to see her safe (as he thought she would be in death). Also, it was so interesting the way they don’t have the same relationship with Sauron. And that makes so much sense too. Sauron wasn’t a large presence in their life by the time Vanya died; he wasn’t their direct tormenter nor did he fuck with her mind the way he did Van’s, holding out the possibility of partnership/ the illusion of love if only Van followed him, as Sauron did in the Second Age. I find Van and Sauron’s relationship one of the most interesting in the story, as well as one of the most heartbreaking. I guess I just keep holding my breath hoping that this time, this time, Sauron will do or say something to show he really does love Van and somehow he’d been playing some long game to keep Van safe all this time. I feel a bit like I am in an abusive relationship, and keep staying for the chance of love long after the violence started. That’s a credit to your writing, since their relationship was so abusive, and yet, a part of Van does love Sauron…of maybe doesn’t love…but is still seeking something from him, maybe exactly what I keep hoping for: that underneath everything, Sauron cares, even just a little, about him. Or maybe Van is smarter than that, and knows Sauron doesn’t care, but…I don’t know, still cares about Sauron anyway, even knowing Sauron never did and never will love him back?
This is what I am talking about! Their relationship is so complex, and even after all this time I still don’t have it figured out, and it still keeps me at the edge of my seat!
Bainalph: Thranduil get away from him! Seriously, I want to grab Bainalph and run! I just have these strong feelings of protectiveness towards Bainalph, and I am so done with Thranduil and his emotional abuse! If he gets within touching distance of Bainalph one more time I swear I will bitch-slap him. Lol. But, seriously, I love the strong emotions you have me feeling over these two, even the very strong, negative ones for Thranduil.
Absolutely fantastic chapter! Loved it!
Aww, thank you so much, Beth :)
Yes, the Van/Sauron relationship is one even I don’t understand really. I cab’t help thinking that somewhere inside Van is a boy who wanted is father to love him, even if it meant being used for sex. As for Sauron...he’s almost incomprehensible, but no doubt we’ll see further along the line!
Yes, dear Bainalph. well, he won’t have to be used by Thranduil any longer, I do know that, although what he’ll choose is another matter.
sniff:sniff: the Andreth section is beautiful. Glad she got her happily ever after!
Whoa, not surprised Indis is the same mold as Galadriel. So sad for Fingolfin to realize he can't respect both of his parents. Will Finwe ever make peace with his twin?
The first elves who got twisted into orcs by Melkor - glad you thought of them - and hoping they could be brought back. Because what was done to them was heartbreaking. And make sense Vanimore has to absorb corruptions to restore these elves back...the process is horrifying and bad for him, but I think it will be worth it to save these elves...
aww, thank you, Kasura :) So glad you like it.
I think Galadriel and Indis are both ambitious yes, but they did very little except sit around; that’s just not the way to be — they have to *do* something.
Vanimór´ë would not forget those first Elves; it’s going to be hell for him, though, and rather dangerous.
Thank you so much :)
Yesssss, my Sunday night mood has just gone from grumpy to great! I loved this chapter so much. What amazing character development - and, in Aegnor and Andreth's case, resolution! Hurrah!
I thought, this is too sad, I must do something about this!
Oh, me too, I've been thinking about this so much lately! Can't wait to see where you've taken this :D and I adore that picture, it's one of my favourite images of Finrod.
Long she lived, the great love of her girlhood tucked into her heart as her body aged and her hair grew white wings that slowly, stealthy as a night-thief, stole the shining darkness of her youth
What a gorgeous, perfect image...and I cried when she saw them both there, and at this:
She turned to Finrod, who took her hand. ‘Welcome, beloved lady,’ he said and he, too kissed her. ‘I rejoice to see thee again.’
And he said, to Vanimórë: I thank thee.
Thank you for giving them a happy ending! :D
(I know it's not over yet, but whatever happens, it's already happier than canon...)
Fingon's perspective on his father and Fëanor's relationship is really interesting; I love how clear sighted he is. This is interesting, too:
There were enough parents who let their children be raised by servants because they were too busy.
Especially in light of Aegnor's determination not to be with Andreth, in case he wasn't able to be around for any possible children. Clearly some parents didn't think that was so important...and actually, come to think of it, there were Elves that had children in wartime, weren't there? Dior and Nimloth, Elwing and Eärendil...unless that doesn't count because at least one of the couple in both cases was Half-Elven? Although Maeglin was born in wartime too...hmmm! Perhaps Aegnor and Finrod are just far too honourable XD
‘Do not tell me that she is going to try to influence Vanimórë?’ Fingon laughed in disbelief
Er...yeah, I don't see that going well!
Tauriel putting in an appearance made me smile - and I loved Maglor and Van at the end there, especially Maglor calling him an idiot. I can't get enough of their unique relationship; I feel like Maglor will dare to say things to Van that nobody else will.
Oh, no, I’m sorry you’re grumpy :(
I always felt Andreth and Aegnor was much, much sadder than any of the other Mortal/Elf or Elf/Maia stories. And that picture just made me cry. (Yes, it’S a gorgeous Finrod picture! It’s just how I imagine him) I have no idea about the marriage in wartime thing, but Finrod does tell Andreth that, so I had to go with it. But I think also Aegnor would be afraid to lose her to a Mortal death, that he couldn’t see how to cope with it, it was not something, (I assume) he had seen.I believe he was in the Dagor Aglareb and other sorties but death in battle is not the same as watching someone age and die, and probably that was a huge reason, even if he admitted it to no-one but her. And then he died before she did, and she had to live on. ;__;
I’m sure they’ll be fine; they have a long time, and she was a very wise woman. Van probably thought she would make a wonderful goddess :) I hope you do write something about these two, I would love to read it!! That picture just caught at my heart. I’ve seen some beautiful young Andreth and Aegnor images by Ekukanova, but there is something much more poignant in this one. And she is still lovely, despite her age.
I don’t think Van minds people trying to influence him, but he would probably tell Indis to broaden her horizons a bit, as she’s a goddess, not to cling to the old ways so much! Of course, some of the Valinor Elves feel a power vacuum in the sense that their ‘gods’ are gone, and that’s a scary thing.
Haha, I do love writing Van and Maglor; it’s so not a normal relationship (or even a relationship in the normal sense) and never could be, but it makes me think that Maglor is technically older than Van (whatever Van has become) and sometimes does feel this ‘younger’ man is a complete idiot and needs to be told XD. And Van does not mind this (he is, after all, used to being ordered around, or was, for thousands of years).
Thank you very much, Narya, and I am glad I could make your evening a bit less grumpy :)
So much to unpack, this chapter was full of such fabulous interactions, and the psychology major in me is just thrilled with all the subtle nuances in the conversations! First I will say that you write complex personalities so well, its honestly so much fun for me to try and figure them out.
I love that Celebrimbor is opening up to Fëanor now, I think he really needs that family connection especially with all the uncertainty and mixed emotions of what to do with Mairon. As usual, I love getting a look inside his head, being born out of the earth and not quite like the gods or the elves, with emotional output that is never clearly defined just makes him that much more fascinating. His own perspective of his actions makes quite a lot of sense here, though I never agree with anything he did, it is easier to see his angle now. Coldagnir almost accusing him of having some “feeling” of some kind towards Celebrimbor is interesting, because it’s almost as if he doesn't truly know what he feels towards Celebrimbor. And how a being like Mairon understands feelings must be another thing entirely. I am sorry for going on and on about him, you’ve simply created such an amazing case study in his character, I find myself trying to pick apart his mind far too often.
I love seeing Van and Elgalad conversing, I hope they find a new dynamic fitting to who they truly are. I am still not even sure who that is for Elgalad though, and I don’t think Vanimorë is either. I feel like Vanimorë is almost trying to pull away again, I just wish he could see that he does not need to choose this emotional exile. Even though he can, he won’t just reach out to those who would welcome him, I worry for him when he does that :(
I sense some drama with Eru coming up here, he has been off in the shadows and now he decides to show up? What are you planning Eru?
Thank you again for all the work and time you put in, each chapter is a treat!
Thank you, Poppy Marie :)
Mairon is interesting precisely because his emotions are not human; it is almost as if he understands them but cannot feel them, except in his own way. I think Vanimórë said he had total empathy without feeling it at all, which is dangerous.
As for Vanimórë — he’s hovering on the brink, I think. As long as he can ‘do’ something (But not too much) he can pretend things are not too bad. :/
And Eru, yes, Eru has his own agenda, here!
So very pleased you are still enjoying and commenting; thank you so much!
" I was sick of Galadriel. I never liked her and her attitude that all should treat her like a queen when she did nothing but hide away until the wars were well over. She could have acquitted herself well in battle, but she never wanted to, because do not tell me that anyone would have tried to stop her.’" This sums up my feeling about Galadriel alright...I can never understand how wonderful she is,how awe-inspiring, when she did nothing, accomplished nothing, comparing to her other relatives. And then just took over Amroth's kingdom when there's a power vacuum after his death- feels like usurping to me...
So glad to read about Celebrimbor's conflicting feelings for Sauron. And eagerly awaiting more of him and Feanor's open heart conversations about Sauron, and what they plan to do with the maia ;) Ah hope Eru is not steering up the pot too much.
Wait...Dior hasn't seen his sons yet? and he's bitching about Feanorians...this guy needs to get his priorities straight.
Good point about Olwe and Thingol - how Olwe can't change, he just doesn't get it because he never endured fighting hopeless wars. Prob most Teleri elves are like Olwe, they can't change, and they don't know how to change....
Hi Kasura, I hope you’re well.
Yes, I know re: Galadriel, when I came into the online fandom so many people seemed to practically worship her, and I thought: WHY? I never understood it, and she does not interest me. She’s the least of the house of Finarfin and only lived because she hid from war! I doubt I’ll ever write about her again. She’s gone as far as I’m concerned.
Eru definitely has his own agenda for Sauron, but we’ll hear more about that later. But Celebrimbor shall definitely meet him again.
Dior, well, he was infected by sickness from the Silmarils, so now he’s not, and hopefully will meet his sons.
As for the Teleri of Alqualondë — they have done sod-all throughout history, and I cannot write about boring bastards ;) Those who were in Middle-earth were different of course.
Yay, Friday! Now I can go through and leave you a decent comment :D
‘Vanimórë does not want Eru’s palace, and it is a beautiful enough place, but if we are to dwell there we should set our own stamp on it, should we not? Go, and then tell me thine own thoughts. Explore the Timeless Halls, create what thou wouldst wish.’ He had cupped Finarfin’s beautiful face in his hands and kissed his brow. ‘This is freedom, brother. At last.’
I love this. I am so happy that Finarfin and Fëanor are reconciled, and I can't wait to see what role you have in store for Finarfin in the climactic battles.
(I need to go back and do a re-read...has Orodreth been reborn in your 'verse? I know he was a traitor in the earlier Magnificat books.)
Lovely interaction between Fëanor and Celebrimbor, too. I am thinking more and more about Celebrimbor these days, and I really like your version of him. Steely, but vulnerable.
(Another question, sorry...remind me how Galadriel ended up with Nenya in your 'verse? Did Celebrimbor give it to her, even though he doesn't think much of her?)
And Coldagnir and Mairon...this gets better and better :D
‘I certainly learned nothing of it in Utumno or Angband!’ A snap that carried Ages of slavery and horror. ‘Very well then, desire, respect, need, lust, even affection. Do not pretend thou didst not feel all of those for Celebrimbor.’
Celebrimbor had been different, and Melkor had not been breathing down his neck as when Maedhros Fëanorion was a prisoner in Angband. Mairon had been quite sincere in his desire to rule the world with the Elves as his allies, but had reckoned without their stubborn adherence to old wounds. They could not look past his ‘crimes’, would never understand that he had to follow Melkor, who claimed lordship over the whole world, Marion’s world.
This is fascinating and sad. You articulate that mess of emotions between Annatar and Celebrimbor so well, and it's almost tragic that he genuinely did want the Elves as his allies - and that it was his world, and Melkor took it from him.
Middle-earth was exceptionally lucky that all the Elves did not become Other, like Edenel and his Ithiledhil.’ His eyes hooded. ‘They were precisely what Melkor desired, and was he not delighted with them? He did not create them, but he believed he did. And was he not enraged when he could create no more?’
‘Yes,’ Coldagnir said curtly. ‘Then where did they come from? And why so few?’
‘Oh, come. Vanimórë knew of them, and so they came into being with this universe.’ He sent Coldagnir a mocking smile. ‘Well, what does Eru want with me?’
I love this - paradoxes inside paradoxes. I honestly never thought about why Melkor was unable to replicate Edenel and his kin.
(I am still desperately hoping for an Edenel/Coldagnir encounter at some point, I might have to write one...)
‘Mairon,’ Eru said, and his voice filled the chamber like wind. ‘It is time we spoke again, thou and I.’
Ooooh. OOOOH :D I can't wait to see what they have to say to each other...
And I can't get enough of Elgalad and Van like this, teasing and flirting as equals - although it does break my heart that Van (inevitably) no longer truly trusts him.
In the darkest moments, when we scream and scream for help and no-one answers, all we have is ourselves.
Fabulous (and bleak) last line, with the weight of a prophecy about it. Why do I get the feeling I'll be remembering that line before this is all over...?
Thank you, Narya :)
Oh, Orodreth was reborn along with everyone else, but Dana took him away after he turned traitor, which Van was fine with as was everyone else, until it became clear what she was, when Glorfindel went and got him. He definitely was punished, but not killed, so he didn’t need to be reborn.
Poor Celebrimbor; looks as if his revenge is cancelled just for the moment, but I am glad you like him.
Galadriel, I suppose he gave her the Nenya as there was no-one else he could think of, or there may be a story there — I’ll have to think about it, flesh that period out more with a gap filler. He didn’t like her, but didn’t doubt her strength of will to wield it.
I imagine with Edenel, and the Ithiledhil, (if we discount paradoxes) that Melkor was able to create them in some way, allied to their own strength of will, but they were the only ones he could design to his will, the rest were orcs. Which wasn’t what he wanted. But with the paradox they are there because Vanimórë saw them. ;)
And yes, Edenel and Coldagnir should meet — I’d love it if you wrote them :)
I imagine the Mairon and Eru conversation might be worth hearing!
I don’t think Vanimórë trusts anyone, sadly, but it’s even sadder that he does not think there’s any reason he woouldn’t be betrayed. His father betrayed him when he was young, and that has forever marked him, I’m afraid.
Thank you so much and I’m so glad you liked it :) Although yes, that last statement of Van’s might be memorable :(
Fabulous chapter! On the train & using my phone so will comment properly later, but couldn't resist reading on my way home. So many wonderful character interactions here! And such a sense of beautiful inevitability about all of it. Wonderful.
Author's Response: Thank you. I hope you’re feeling better! You’re off on holiday Saturday, aren’t you? Hope it’s wonderful!
Turgon, my god! How could he have said all that filth to Fingolfin? Fingolfin, asking himself where he went wrong, shutting down his mind after he left Turgon, cuts to the quick. That must have been devastating. He’d known Turgon was spying on them and was stuck in the Valar’s black and white world, but to learn your own son hated you so much he’d rejoiced at your death and pissed on your grave? Gods. WHY? Why does Turgon hate Fingolfin this much? Just because of Feanor? Turgon blaming the Feanorions from his wife’s death on the ice is easy to see, and blaming Fingolfin and Fingon as well for loving the Feanorions, but I am still shocked over the amount of hate festering in him (not that I didn’t buy it! Turgon resenting his family enough not to even come during the Battle of Sudden Flame is a good explanation for his absence).
I am wondering, like Fingolfin, why Turgon seems so obsessed over male-male sex. Is he repressing his own sexuality? Or some other non-vanilla sexual desire that he’s in denial over because it didn’t fit with the Valar’s teachings?
Man, tho, Turgon is a piece of work. But you have me really curious to see how he turns out after rebirth! Will he loose his memories of her first life?
I am supper nervous after that conversation between Sauron and Elgalad! Elgalad shouldn’t work with Sauron on anyway, doesn’t he know that?!?! Or maybe Sauron can actually be trusted in this? It just seems too much to believe, considering it’s Sauron. And I am worried about Elgalad agreeing to anything that he would keep from Van. Not after his past betrayal. Van doesn’t seem to hold it against Elgalad, but this is Van we are talking about. And, while Elgalad was convinced he had to die by Eru, he still chose to go along with it even knowing how it would destroy Van to lose him. But maybe Van does forgive him…Van has such a low opinion of himself that being fashioned like a weapon is all he thinks he deserved and as long as it turned out ‘ok’ in the end than Elgalad was right? I really wish we could hear Van’s honest opinion about it, but if he felt betrayed, then he’s probably seriously suppressed those feelings. (Or maybe I am forgetting that you already wrote this scene? I am sorry if I have!)
I think with Turgon, well...it’s in a later chapter, but it was Anairë who moulded him into hating the Fëanorions, because she was a strong Varda-worshipper, and Varda told her that Fingolfin loved Fëanor even though at that time they weren’t lovers. Not entirely her fault, as she was brainwashed. But Turgon was very, very young at the time. And then he grew up hating the fact Fingon was obviously clearly obsessed with Maedhros and Aredhel was a ‘good time girl’ so to speak and not family-oriented, so no doubt he felt isolated, felt that all his family save his mother were being stolen by the Fëanorions.
In fact Lómion saw Turgon desecrate Fingolfin’s grave, as I write later, but no-one would have believed him, of course.
Turgon wasn't actually pro-Valar, he wanted those laws thought, for different reasons, but to implement them himself. As it was, he found he couldn’t. In some cases, anyhow, so just ‘disapproved’.
Turgon wouldn’t lose his memories, Fëanor didn’t when he was reborn as a child, he just to gradually remember them.
I think re: Elgalad ans Sauron, in this case Sauron is sincere, although for his own reasons, of course.
I think you’re right that Van would think, why wouldn’t Elgalad betray him,, but he needed that nadir to reach ‘Outside’, to go beyond himself. That does not mean he liked it, but why would he expect anything different? I don’t think he has really spoken about it, no except to kind of brush it off, but that’s typical! He would say he has more important things to deal with.
Thank you, Encairion :)
“'Was it a good ride?' Fëanor asked.”
Ha! Feanor, you tease! I love that they are not denying themselves completely, even if they can only meet in the dark –damn you Turgon! Seriously, spying on them like this? I can totally understand Fingon when he said it felt like they had come back to the start. Only it will all end differently this time, thank god!
“'Thou didst both make me what I am, and so did many others,' Vanimórë interpolated. 'Elgalad, I no longer care what he did to me.'
Elgalad's shining face, emotion moulding the beautiful bones hard as ice, swung to him.
'Perhaps it is something to do with seeing the birth of the Universe, knowing what everything is, how it is, existence, life, so magnificent, so impossible.' He lifted his wide shoulders. 'After that...my dear,' he touched Elgalad's cheek, the small gesture so redolent of love, of gentleness, Mairon found himself gritting his teeth. 'I am not the same person I was.'
Liar, Mairon thought, dourly admiring. But a convincing one. Elgalad cannot see into you, either. He walked away, smiling, then whipped round in a shimmer of robes. 'Really, my dear. The orcs, the wolves...do you really no longer care?'
'And thou.' Elgalad's voice vibrated with a god's hate eternal hate. 'Raping him as a Fell-wolf.' The same horror he had placed into Elgalad's mind, long ago.
'But he liked that, or he did in the end,' Mairon replied gently. 'Anything was better than nothing, was it not, my son?'
Vanimórë's hand shot out to grasp Elgalad's wrist. 'As thou sayest, father. Anything was better than nothing. And that does not matter either. Sex, what one enjoys, or will accept. It is truly is nothing, less than nothing, social and moral constructs devised by minds who deem what is acceptable and what is not. I have touched the heart of ancient stars, looks into the eye of black holes. Why would such pettiness concern me? Only force is abominable. Yes, and I have used it also, with Maglor, I do not forget it.'”
Oh, gods, Elgalad don’t believe him! I hope he didn’t! Man, Van can be so convincing when he wants to deflected others from seeing too deeply inside him. But I don’t believe for a moment that he is no longer affected by what Sauron did to him. Of course he wishes that it no longer had the power to wound him –don’t we all?—but it is not that easy. It’s like Frodo said: some hurts take a hold of you and refuse to let go.
Van and Sauron have as complicated a relationship as ever. You write it so incredibly! As impossible as it seems to the outsider looking in, I think a part of Van loves his father….or just wants Sauron to love him? And Sauron knows it, the smug bastard!
Exquisite writing, as your work ever is. Each sentence beauty, so much sensuality! It feels like I am at a feast table and your work the banquet!
Thank you so much. Well, eventually it will be different — I hope!
No, I don’t think Van is unaffected at all, but as you say, he deflects people; he cannot bear pity. And somewhere inside him is the boy who wanted his father to love him. :/
This was well worth the wait to see where Fëanor got pulled off to, my mind is jsut spinning with so many "what ifs?" I can see the dangerous potential of trying to "fix" these alternate realities, Van must think about it a lot, and have to use that carefully cultivated self-control to keep from changing things. Just thinking about the infinite possibilities and having the power to alter the course of history for a whole reality would be hugely tempting.
I thought it was interesting how you made it a different reality, and yet, there was something in that Fëanor that recognized Vanimorë. You do such a good job of connecting everything and tying it all back together. I love that even through he didn't know him, the other Fëanor is pulled toward Van, as if it is inevitable wherever they are.
Oh Fëanor and Fingolfin, I understand both of their feelings on the matter; Fingolfin is right, Fëanor would do the same thing for his sons. I know that Fëanor is famous for saying things out of passion, but his comment about how if it were him he wouldn't have to do this was a bit harsh. The implicit statement there, which I am sure Fëanor didn't mean, is that "I'm better than you, I was a better parent" They are both so glorious directing all their passion at each-other, I hope they can find a way to unlock that in the future without being at each-other's throats.
I can't wait to see what you do next, in the meantime, I will ponder all the possibilities of the alternate worlds. Thank you for writing!
Author's Response: Thank you Poppy Marie :) Yes awfully tempting to want to change realities, isn't it? And Fëanor has changed one, we'll see how tat goes ;) Vanimórë exists in every reality, I said that back in book III, I think, and so does Fëanor, so yes, they would know each other, even if Fëanor would not know *how* he knew him.
I a sure Feanor didn't mean to imply he was a better parents, I think he cannot imagine his sons not loving him, but he does know that there must be a reality where they did not. Thank you for commenting, and have a lovely week :)
Hmm. If Maedhros did, for some reason get captured....Vanimórë isn’t born yet....even...Sauron?
I love either of those scenarios :D I could so imagine Sauron in a double agent role, playing both sides...
And yes of course I will let you know when it's on AO3 x
Author's Response: Thank you, Narya :) Well, at least I have many ideas for when I finish this series :)
Are you posting it here, after?
I will do, probably on Sunday night or early next week, after reveals on AO3 :) it's not long but has given me an idea for more stories with those characters. (In the last year or so I've become nearly incapable of writing standalones...)
Oh yes, a friend for Coldagnir in Angband...I wonder who that could be...?!
Author's Response: Let me know when it’s up on AO3 please?
Hmm. If Maedhros did, for some reason get captured....Vanimórë isn’t born yet....even...Sauron?
Actuyally I did dream once that I got up and found all my fic was gone. It was awful!
Oh my god, I'd have woken up sobbing o_O
And I hope you have a relaxing weekend. Almost time for SiS, too!
Thanks, you too. I am excited for reveals although I am worried about my fic...my recipient requested M, and I never know if I've I've gone too near the edge and written NC-17...
I am somewhat in love with the idea of Coldagnir as a spy in Angband :D
Author's Response: I did sob, it seemed such a waste of all those years!
M - NC17 is always such a close thing. But I am sure they will love it. Are you posting it here, after?
Hmm Coldagnir would need a friend in Angband...