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A Last Conversation by cheekybeak General Audiences
Sometimes the best you can do for those you love is to leave them. Aragorn must find the strength to say goodbye.
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Legolas has loved Adlanniel since before she came of age, and she has loved him dearly. However, when Legolas volunteers...
The Secret Language Brother by Encairion Mature
Caranthir and Curufin’s story. Part of the Price of Eternity series
The song of tomorrow by Nuredhel Explicit
The past reaches out towards the future...A living mystery is being delivered to the king of Mirkwood as a gift and a strange...
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Caunedhiel
05/27/17 03:49 pm
Thanks Ziggy ! I keep posting everywhere and handed out posters. fingers crossed xx
ziggy
05/27/17 12:03 pm
you can go in and look. Don't give up. He'll be somewhere tucked up warm and living off mice. I pray anyway.xx
ziggy
05/27/17 12:02 pm
Caunedhiel- keeping everything crossed for your moggy's safe return- I have had one go missing for days and it was stuck in a neighbour's garage- GO BACK and look everywhere- ask people if you
Caunedhiel
05/26/17 09:58 pm
Thank you @Naledi and @Ysilme :( still not turned up but i hope wherever he is, he's being looked after x
Ysilme
05/26/17 12:14 am
So sorry to hear about your cat, Caunedhiel, and keep my fingers tightly crossed for him to be all right and come back. It's so hard to lose them, and harder still to not know what's happened.
Naledi
05/24/17 08:35 pm
Thanks Gabriel. It's hard to take in the things that are happening all round the world at the moment.
Gabriel
05/24/17 10:13 am
I hope this message finds everyone and their families in the UK safe and well. You are in our thoughts. Kia Kaha {Stay Strong} Love from NZ.
Naledi
05/23/17 07:32 pm
Oh no - I hope your cat turns up soon. It's so worrying when a pet goes missing:(
Caunedhiel
05/21/17 02:18 pm
Lost my 1 year old cat oreo this weekend! been out looking for him, posted to facebook, rang the vets but nothing has been seen of him since friday :( very worried its so unusual for him
Naledi
05/20/17 04:57 pm
Yes the bit I did was near Ludlow - around the Knighton and Kington sections. I love Ludlow, too!
Shout Archive



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: May 28, 2017 20:09 · For: The hammer is coming down

Poor, lonely, Maglor. This makes me sad.

Are his fears justified? I mean...I can see how he could do this, manipulate a persons mind to make them think they want whatever he does but would he? And if it were love, as well as just sex would that love hold him back? I think he does love Erestor in his own way. At least, he is very protective of him. 

The power imbalance doesn't bother me, and it is very real between these two. Not only because Maglor has SO much raw power and ability but also because he is Erestors saviour, his "master". But Erestor is no shrinking violet, and although he has no memory which puts him at an immediate disadvantage, he is clever and astute and strong in his own way. So this doesn't feel as "wrong" as I would expect it too. In a way Erestor is the stronger one. Maglor is quite fragile. 

And what gives with Finrod??? 



Author's Response:

I'm so relieved that Maglor's and Erestor's relationship doesn't seem wrong to you, despite the power imbalance. It's a theme in the story and it's good to hear you readers don't read it wrong. But you said it yourself, Maglor is fragile and Erestor resilient. Those fears will be adressed again, of course. Let's see if it's true or not. Just as what Finrod is going in this story.

(I'll be honest, I've been waiting soooo long to finally mention Finrod at least.)

But given we've roughly only covered ... 25% of the entire series, (my plans span through all three ages), some questions and characters are bound to come up sooner or later. I'll try (emphazises on TRY) to get this fic done this year, but we've still over ten chapters left and it might be that they explode in length. Bu at least I've finally figured out which parts of the series I can write without given away spoilers.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: April 22, 2017 23:42 · For: Steady as a beating drum

So Carnadril IS Huan???? Is that it? So confused! 



Author's Response:

Short answer? It's complicated. But I see, I'll dig out the draft to the background story again. Write a oneshot and hope you'll be less confused.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: April 18, 2017 12:26 · For: Steady as a beating drum

Oh! Such a sweet, head over heels in love Curufin! I love him. So different when usually his marriage is written as being a disaster. Liked his proud strong wife too. I approve of this turn of events. 

But hang on.....did Carnadril just turn into a dog? How did he do that?? I thought that was Celegorm's special thing—surely two of them can't do that? 

Loved how Erester kept off handedly musing about Celegorm's changing face! 

I am worried about Maglor. This feels worse than he is letting on, this malady. What has he done to himself? Damaged his fea? Can he repair it? 

Seriously, seriously worried about him. :-( 



Author's Response:

I'm so glad that Curufin comes across as in character despite the unusual behavior, because I'm so sick of him being portrayed as the mean and evil plotting kinslayer he becomes in Nargothrong. I've many headcanons why that's the case (aside from biased historicans). He deserves better! 

 

But hang on.....did Carnadril just turn into a dog? How did he do that?? I thought that was Celegorm's special thing—surely two of them can't do that?

And let's just it has to do with Huan as being itself. But I've plans on resolving the matter soon - aka someone finally takes pity on a confused Erestor.

For the rest, ... let's see. We get back to Maglor's POV next, but doesn't mean we get more answers than questions in the end!



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: March 11, 2017 20:04 · For: These silent chances pass one by

Re-reading.

just had to say...this meeting between Maedhros and Fingon is heartbreaking. So sad. Because Maedhros is trying so hard—and he doesn't even know why. 



Author's Response:

I'm glad to hear that re-reading is worth it. It helps getting through the mess that's waiting on the horizon



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2017 22:35 · For: Stripped down to the Bones

Ah so I will have to go back and reread I see.....sorry, couldn't help but jump straight into the new chapter but I promise to read the changes too. 

A truly powerful....and more than slightly insane, Maglor in this chapter. No wonder he is so tormented after the failure to heal his father. 

So Argon had a link with ALL the dragons? He was that powerful? I am surprised, and so his loss was truly a blow to Morgoth then. Or was he just an anchor but that was not his doing....like just coincidental?

Anyway...LOVED Erestor and Maglor in this chapter. Love them together, want to see more of Erestors quiet, slightly confused, calming of poor Maglor's chaotic mind! 

 



Author's Response:

You'll have enough time to read the edits. Next update will take awhile. But I love to hear it that you're this eager to read the new stuff. Especially since I EDITED this chapter A LOT until I was satisfied with it. But no, Argon wasn't actively tied to the dragons. He was like a basic ingredient in a powerful spell between Morgoth and the Dragons. But have no fear, that is going to come up again.

And YES! More Erestor and Maglor. In various stages of confusion and insanity! There will be more, I promise!  ^_^ /



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: January 09, 2017 10:21 · For: Another day in the right direction

Now you have warned me about the unreliable narrator before and I forgot all about it. 

There is just something about Maglor that makes me believe every word he says! And I am not usually gullible but he is so convincing.....despite me knowing his brain function is not exactly normal :-) go figure! 

I have to believe he truly believes what he says here and is not simply pulling the wool over Erestors eyes to keep him"trapped" as Erestor and not Argon. I know some of Maglor's behaviour may appear cruel and he certainly has his own agenda but his cruelness usually has a point and that point is not usually self-serving 

so I am hoping he doesn't disappoint me in this because I do have a soft spot for him.....despite his insanity. 

P.s. Keep writing....I will read them all!! Especially this one.......and the Celegorm one, can't wait for that.....oh, and Fingon/ Maedhros too......and Eol......



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2017 21:51 · For: Another day in the right direction

So Maglor might be wrong about that??? Oh! For some reason I never imagined Maglor being wrong. 

Does that mean there is hope for Erestor? 

Do you think there might be some self interest in Maglor keeping him as Erestor and not Argon? Perhaps not consciously....because that would be a pretty terrible thing to do....but, I don't know, it seems to me Maglor needs Erestor as much as Erestor needs him, and if Erestor becomes Argon....well he may not need Maglor at all any more. 

Gosh so sometime this year he may meet Fingolfin? I just want to know so much about that!! Will Fingolfin recognise his son through Maglor's glamour spell or whatever, and the damage done to him by Morgoth. I would think he would somehow deep down know it was Argon. And will Erestor know his father. Would that be the thing that breaks down Maglor's walls???

so many questions!

 

and I know you won't answer them :-)



Author's Response:

"For some reason I never imagined Maglor being wrong."

Oh boy. I take that as the greatest compliment because it tells me that evil author's schemes and working on character traits is WORKING. Yosh. But well, the unrealiable Narrator exists for a reason. As for the rest ... I can't say anything at all because you're right on track ... as usual. God, I need to work on that insanity I've taken up for Slashy Valentine so I can get back to this story!!! My heart burns to write my lovely insane Feanorian again XD

This is going to be a good year, I swear. Ever since Spiced told me how to get the fucking ë into the work flow without having to copy it every time MY WHOLE LIFE HAS CHANGED! No more excuses. Other people have resolutions. I've a list of fics I want to write/read this year. 



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2017 20:33 · For: Another day in the right direction

I can't remember if I asked you why Erestor could sense Celegorm was an imposter when others can't. Is it because he is family that he knows deep down this is not his cousin? 

I am still fascinated...sorry...how this set up goes in Nargothrond. How do they manage to fool Finrod? Because Huan IS there. Or does Finrod know anyway? How does it all work and why does Celegorm's mate still end up acting so weird re Luthien??? So many questions about that.

Maglor's interaction with the she Orc was lovely. And at the end with Erestor. Am loving those two together more and more. They both so badly need a connection. So Maglor says you cannot reclaim or erase the corruption from Morgoth, that he will not release it.  So he has locked Erestors away behind a wall? And if Erestor ever manages to break that wall down and reclaim himself he will return to being corrupted and evil? Do I have that right? Will nothing that has happened in the intervening time affect that? 

Gosh I want Erestor to meet Fingolfin!!! 

But who is hurt??????? Curufin?! 



Author's Response:

Yes, you asked. But I refused to give you an answer *g* ... let's just say that Celegorm, Carnadril and Huan in Nargothrond. That's going to be a clusterfuck. Seriously, the story will be epic! And probably dwarf this one when it comes to length and word count.

At least I can assure you that you'll learn more about Erestor in the next chapters. Yay, some answers that aren't buried two ages away :D ... Otherwise ... don't count on Maglor's opinion. He thinks he knows best, which is ususally true but, well ... Orcs and Morgoth will be come up again.

They'll meet. I promise. And if I can a minor miracle working, even this year! :DD



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: December 11, 2016 18:52 · For: Something stronger than Words

So good to get another chapter! I have missed this story.

It was SO good to see the affection between Maglor and Maedhros at the beginning, after so long with the two of them at each other's throats. It feels so terrible when they are fighting because the two of them need each other so badly.

Even better though were Maglor and Erestor at the end. I loved seeing that glimpse of affection for Erestor from Maglor. Something very small like stroking his head as he slept. Maglor feels very, very, lonely and this connection, for want of a better word, feels very important. I love what is developing between them....even though it is fraught with such potential difficulties. 

I am still fascinated by these guys in the future—Erestor in Imladris with Elrond. That can't be just incidental. He has to be there for Maglor....right? I just wonder if, by that time Erestor knows he is also Elrond's Uncle, (Great, great, uncle?? Can't be bothered to count!) 

Maglor MUST tell him, surely!) 

Love the dragon eye / palantir idea. Genius! 

Oh and Celegorm's sidekick double....what happens to him? Where is he when Celegorm is running around like an Idiot messing everything up with Luthien? 



Author's Response:

I'm sorry for the wait but NaNo was good for this story. Besides its good to hear you missed it this much.

And yes, the first scene was purely written for the shake of seeing Maglor and Maedhros getting along. this is how they're supposed to be though they'll always clash a little. But both need the closeness. Otherwise they're just hurting too much. In general Maglor needs a lot of affection / attention - as you rightly said. He's lonely. Veryly so, I might add. So it makes me happy that Erestor does manage to hold on. I worried if these two getting closer would be awkward. But well, the difficulties make up half the fun.

Otherwise ... why you ask questions I can't answer??? You'll have to be patient XD

Upside: this story / verse will be with us for a looooong time.

 



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: October 14, 2016 9:12 · For: The demons lie again. Play pretend that it never ends.

Even more curious now!!

 

Do the clues start from here or have there already been some? 

Maedhros' behaviour affecting Fingon....hmmm...



Author's Response:

Erm ... there has been one in this chapter. The rest will follow in the future ones.

And before you start going into depths, everything Maedhros does affects Fingon. To a great deal, Fingon is very receptive in that regard. Mostly when it comes to Maedhros so he doesn't know about THE secret and I doubt he noticed if something was going on.

But please go on. Play detective all you like :D



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: October 14, 2016 8:38 · For: The demons lie again. Play pretend that it never ends.

Oh wow! So Maedhros did this spilt personality thing to himself?? So didn't expect that. All this time I have thought it was some reaction to trauma. A splitting off of Nelyo because his brain just could,p not cope with the torture. Hmm, so if he did it himself can he reverse it? 

And Fingon?! Only finding Maedhros because of his lack of oswane!!  What an inspired idea, and especially cool because it was Melkor's meddling in Fingon's brain which meant he ended up like that in the first place. 

I loved this whole chapter. Loved seeing these two talk, and be close and supportive after quite a while at odds. But what is this secret? What can be so bad that Maglor is unable even to tell memoryless Maedhros. Gosh, you don't want to be making random vows in this world. Is it to do with Fingon? They were discussing him when Maglor bought it up.

So curious! 



Author's Response:

Well, there was trauma. Or still is, though most of it has healed somewhat. But yeah, despite Maglor putting the equivalent of a bandaid on his brother's mind the initial reason for the Maedhros/Nelyo issue is Nelyo himself. He shoved his memories so far down that there was little left. Of course, they're still there but he accesses them mostly through instinct and gut feeling. Maedhros seldom notices it when the lines blurr.

And yeah. Fingon's lack of oswane is the only reason why Maedhros isn't still hanging from the mountain. It's a bit like a spell on blood. Elves can sense / notice each other, especially to singal if they're friendly or not. So no Elf could've found Maedhros, even if they stood in his direct vicinity. And I kind of wanted to give Fingon a purpose. He suffers greatly from the lack of oswane and has many, many issues regarding it. I think he kind of needed the proof that he can be useful without it.

But let me tell, I'm so glad you liked the chapter. So much dialog! I was afraid I messed it up D: ... especially because a mostly sane Maglor was so much harder to write than his insane version XD ...

The secret itself ... I recommend to grap a pen and a paper. Start collecting clues. I'll take a lot of time before I gonna solve that one but I'll be dropping hints every now and then.

Gosh, you don't want to be making random vows in this world.

No. No you don't. Making random promises can really come back to bite you in the ass. There's no escaping it. Not even a memoryless Maedhros can't claim he doesn't know what the oath means. It's written into his soul. There will be more of it in the future but what I can tell you that Fingon has nothing to do with the secret. If at all, it affects him only through Maedhros/Nelyo's behavior.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: September 01, 2016 21:41 · For: The Voice, the World and the Silence
I think it was because Errstor was so "blank" when he first appeared....so passive. Just standing where he was told to, doing what he was ordered that I picked slave to describe him.

I love applying the weirdness you write here to canon.....like Celegorm/Huan/Luthien. Have been thinking about Erestor, hanging out in Imladris with Elrond....projecting this Erestor into the future. A son of Fingolfin in the third/fourth age!! It is so intriguing. Then I got to thinking, how did Elrond even turn out in anyway normal being raised by the psychological disasters of Maglor and Maedhros. I would have to assume Erestor actually did the bulk of parenting!

Author's Response:

Well, there's the shock of waking up to a new world. And spells powerful as Maglor take time to settle. Erestor was (still kind of is) on pain meds. Doesn't affect his personality but makes sure he stays safe for the time being. Hence why he follows Maglor around like a duckling. But I will keep the slave theme in my head. It's certainly interesting enough. 

Just ... be patient when it comes to Erestor. Due to the fact that he indeed lives to long, I'm going to pick up other storylines inbetween.

And ... you know far to well! You just ticked off at least three fics I'm going to write in the future xD ... spot on. Aside from the "who is raising Elrond&Elros" ... that's never going to be anyone but Maglor.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: September 01, 2016 20:40 · For: The Voice, the World and the Silence
So excited to see an update in this fascinating story this morning!

I love seeing the younger brothers worrying over Maglor. Especially Curufin and Caranthir who are often written in more negative ways...as difficult and angry. Here they are both caring and concerned. Very empathetic and alert to their brothers myriad of guises. Love it!

I am worried about Maglor (of course...because he is a mess) I can see how the sheer number of elves, and their unrestrained emotional joy would be hideously overwhelming for him with his mind abilities. Still he seemed to cope remarkably well with the festivities and I can only assume his willingness to sing was a good thing.

So sad to see him thinking of Maedhros and Nelyo as two distinctly different people, (which they are now of course) for some reason that really tugs at my heartstrings.

Loved the description of his voice. Such power!

So what's going on with Erestor? That's concerning...what's happening there? Some deterioration of the protections Maglor has wound into his brain? Or just the normal anxiety of memory loss. Is Erestor going to slip back into what he was? I hope not!

I got the feeling Erestor and Maglor really need each other here, the both of them, for different reasons, need a connection. But of course if they were to have a "relationship" beyond Master/healer and slave/patient it would not be a healthy one would it, due to the fact they are who they are. But still....even then I think it could help them.

Loved the thoughts on Eru.....what was he doing all that time "before"? Just chilling in the dark meditating? Very deep!

Author's Response:

Oh god that last image of Eru chilling in the dark. Remember Rafiki from Lion King? Now I can't unsee that XD

... otherwise I'm glad that I managed the scene with the three brothers well enough. Having three person talk / worry about the same person isn't easy. But yeah, they deserve more screen time. Way more, so no worry I'll get back to them.

And to say that Maglor is a mess is an understatement. I did a little across the ages characterisation for Heaven's R. F. and realized that this right here is one of Maglor's lowest points. Not rock bottom but the scene where he remembers himself to breath? Quite close. Sometimes he feels the insanity creeping in. And he can only deal with so many people because he's used to it. And he bears with the initial annoyance since he knows he needs company sometimes and would go truly mad if he stayed alone for too long.

Answers about Erestor are coming soon, I promise. But it's a bit of everything what you described. It's Erestor learning not to mess with the wall Maglor put between "him" and "Argon."

Rest of your theories I'll neither confirm nor deny but it's interesting that you picked Master/Slave instead of Master/Student. Not that I'm opposed to that :3 ... another image I can't unsee. But scenes containing THAT MUCH sexy times will be outsourced. Doesn't really fit into the flow of the fic ... I GUESS but that's not saying much. I've a vague plan where I'm going to end up but each scene I plan somewho expands into three chapters so who knows what happens until then.

 

 



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: July 04, 2016 8:57 · For: My Heart is a Ghost Town
You have no idea how much I have missed this story! It has to be the most fascinating story out there at the moment.
I don't even know where to start with this review because this was one hell of a chapter.
I loved that glimpse of Maedhros' power......well Nelyo's power it seems, that Maedhros no longer uses....is no longer aware of having? His memory loss really is all encompassing then, not only memories but his whole self.

The chasm between Maedhros and Maglor is so heartbreaking to read. The both of them yearning for each other at different parts of this chapter but not being able to connect. I loved Maglor saying he stopped fishing in Nelyo's head because he didn't want to see any more of what was going on with Fingon.

The thing with the dragon's and Erestor...oh wow! So Erestor is more important to Morgoth than I at first thought. (I mean obviously as a son of Fingolfin he was an important prisoner but I didn't anticipate him being such an important cog in the war machine) Can Maglor be confident whatever protections/ shielding he has in place will continue working? Because I would think Morgoth is trying rather hard to find him. Why did Erestor have such control over the dragons? Does it have something to do with his being a Finweion?
I wonder what Erestor thought hearing all of this spelled out?

Oh! And Has Ambarossa worked out who he is? They referred to him as "cousin" at one stage.

So interesting Maedhros' reaction to Ambarussa's name calling of Fingon. A deep gut instinct to anger that he doesn't really understand. The line between Maedhros and Nelyo was paper thin then I think! He almost, almost, broke through.

So much to think about here. I shall be reading it again I think because I am sure I have missed some things. I don't use or understand tumblr or otherwise, believe me I would be harassing you!

Author's Response:

You're a treasure. I love you reviews and when Faerie went down I feared they were lost. I'm glad this isn't the case.

For the chapter: i tried to make up for the long delay, putting a lot into this. Like Maedhros powers. Which are a little difficult to explain. When Nelyo was born Feanor feared to damage Nerdanel the same way he had Miriel, so he gave a lot of his spirit to his unborn child. As result Nelyo was always a little ... more. being taller than anyone else is a sign of it.  Otherwise Nelyo and Maedhros both are a little uncreative in using those powers. It's nothing especific, more a general state of strength Nelyo never had a reason to use. so Maedhros doesn't actually know that he's a little different. 

Erestor is a similar case. He never controlled the dragons. He was under complete control, his mind suppressed. Morgoth doesn't mourn his loss because he can always use someone else. Perhaps its inconvinient but not tragic. He simply lasted longer than the most <b>because</b> he was a Finweion.

And I'm reliefed that Maedhros' and Maglor's issues got across. Maglor doesn't want to admit it but losing "Nelyo" affected him and he doesn't want to blame Maedhros for it.

The rest will be answered in time. And if you don't want to use tumblr, you can always write me an email.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: March 19, 2016 18:06 · For: Once I rise above the noise and confusion
Oh I am glad you WANTED me to ask questions! Because when I had so many I did think........maybe I have just been really thick and missed something? Thanks for all the answers.

So it is Erestor. I did wonder........I got the beginnings of that vibe in that scene where he asks Maglor to reduce the contact because it hurts him, from Maglor I got it, not Erestor, just the smallest twinkling of a deeper intimacy.
I am happy with this idea!
I think Maglor needs something.....well obviously he needs many things, one of which is some good psychotherapy but that he needs comfort and closeness ......with someone . Actually he needs comfort from Nelyo but he is not going to get that.

And you are right, Maglor/Maedhros is messed up enough at the moment not to go there. I could only see that ending in disaster for them both as they are now anyway.

It seems Maglor suffers from the loss of Nelyo deeply, more than any of them, even Maedhros.

I did think briefly when Erestor could see the twins when they entered the meeting and then briefly see two forms, one red and one black when Maedhros went past that he could actually see both Nelyo and Maedhros, but it was Caranthir!

I want Fingolfin to meet Erestor because I wonder, would he know him? Even though his fea has changed, though Maglor has him hiding behind enchantment, would he see through it to glimpse the essence of his son which is still there? The Feanorians don't, because they may know him well but he is not one of them, but Fingolfin?

Oh and another story for me to look forward to....the beginnings of Maglor's pain.....yay! Well not yay, Maglor has pain, but yay, more of your writing!

Author's Response:

Ask ahead. I love question even if I can't answer them all. And yes, there will be slash with Erestor. He's first and kind of obvious choice. I had this first scene in my mind for a long time and now it's finally out. I'm so glad you like it since it isn't easy to write Maglor and intimacy. You'll see later on what I mean.

*waves hands and ignores the request of Nelyo+comfort*

But ... Fingolfin and Erestor ... god, you keep giving me idea. Of course I had the idea as well but your prompting gave me an idea how it can actually happen. Though I fear it cause more heartache then it will bring comfort. So remember, you asked for it =) ... Just as I'll remember that last sentence. I'm far from done with Maglor. If you wait long enough, he will appear in the new Fingon Interlude as well.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: March 18, 2016 23:49 · For: Once I rise above the noise and confusion
Well I am left with lots of questions.
What is it that has caused damage to Maglor as far back as before Curufin was born?
Does the fact Erestor could see the twins trailing behind Ambarrusa mean he has some special ability because I don't think everybody can see them? Or is it due to the fact he used to be close to them previously even though he doesn't remember that?

How did Celegorm "get" Huan? Was he not always able to transform? .......and why did the Valarin affect him most?

Last but not least, why can none of them recognise Erestor???

I loved how protective of Maglor all the brothers are especially Celegorm and the twins. It feels though almost as if Maedhros is losing his brothers. I don't mean they would ever desert him or be disloyal but something is missing now. They resent him......Its not really that but I am struggling for the right word.

I was thinking as I read this exactly what Erestor said. How terribly lonely it must be for Maglor because no one can tolerate his fea. I have always imagined a connection via fea to be a major way elves communicate emotion and support between each other and he does not have that.......so sad.
Could Maedhros connect with him normally that way? I ask because it feels as if that is part of his loneliness, the withdrawal of Maedhros.......or should I more correctly say Nelyo, from his life.

I am interested to see who the slash is between.....there are several options, and so excited for Fingon! I will be watching out for it!!

Author's Response:

Nice to know that the chapter was good for something. I struggled a lot with it. Apparently insane!Maglor is easier to write but since he doesn't wonder about whatever comes his way and I needed you ask question, it seems that I was successful.

The first one: "What is it that has caused damage to Maglor as far back as before Curufin was born?"
You'll get an entire story about this. I hate flashbacks and memory arcs in fics, so some time when the Fingon Interlude is finished, I'll move on to that part. It's a bit complicated.

Erestor seeing the twins ... I admit I was only thinking about special ability and not because he knew them before. Perhaps because becoming Ambarussa is something the twins learned at Formenos. Not all Finwions are aware of the ability, which only backs the rumors that one of them died at Losgar. But we'll see more of Eresotr (&Maglor) in the future. There's a reason why I wish to move the gathering.

And spot on for figuring it out. No, Celegorm wasn't always able to transform. More to that in the future but that Valarin affects him the most is part of that.

*stares at the next question* ... I need to write faster. You ask all the stuff that is unwritten yet. But partly: Maglor is making sure that no one recognizes him. As you mentioned later, elves communicate via connections with the fea. Argon has simply changed too much. There's not much left of him. Besides over the decades and centuries the features of an Elf can shift. Depending on how he lives, he might be tall, strong, broad shoulders ... or lean, depressed (which affects body and mind) etc. So no matter if they were close to Argon in the past or not, it's not a given that he looks the same.

And yeah, Maglor being so lonely is part of the reason why I include the slash. I couldn't cut out the part where it comes to personal happiness and sex. Hence why I can tell you that Erestor will play a big part in it. There're others, like Maedhros&Fingon, but for now Erestor is the only one Maglor lets past some barriers. It used to be Nelyo who comforted Maglor on a personal level but ... no, their relationship is twisted enough already. I have thought about incest but decided against it. No matter how much I like the pairing, their are already messed up. It's bad enough that Maedhros doesn't trust Maglor, something Nelyo always did regardless the situation. Which hurts Maglor the most and of course the rest takes notice. But, to defend Maedhros, it isn't his fault.

*sighes because the 'verse title "Misfortune" fits so well*



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2016 3:24 · For: In all these memories I see you smile
Initially I was not very impressed with Fingon and his behaviour regarding Maedhros.....I thought he was just a total arse. But now, well I am quite sympathetic really. Thanks to Maedhros determinedly eliminating Nelyo from his persona Fingon has lost the one he loved. It was Nelyo he loved after all. So now he has someone who looks like his love and sounds like his love but isn't his love. How painful must that be. I wonder if in fact a little piece of him hates Maedhros for that.....for the disappearance of Nelyo.

The saddest thing is that despite him wishing so badly not to be Nelyo the one thing Maedhros can't let go of is his love for Fingon. He yearns for it you can tell by the way you write him. Even if he can't remember it completely.
But he can't be Maedhros AND have Fingon.....or maybe it is better to say he can't not be Nelyo and still have Fingon. So sad for both of them.

Author's Response:

I just love reading this from your perspective. It's incredibly helpful since I've a shrewd view of the characters, thanks to Maglor. Sadly, there's more to Fingon & Maedhros than just the memory problems but in a way it always comes back to it. And I promise we'll seen Fingon again in this fic.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2016 0:54 · For: In all these memories I see you smile
So excited to read a new update. I know I say that every time but it's true.

I loved seeing Nelyo, though it makes me sad to think he is lost. It feels as if Maedhros is fighting a losing battle with Nelyo and one day he will lose, Nelyo will break free and destroy him. ( maybe that's just wishful thinking because I would like Nelyo back.) I assume this is how he copes with the trauma of his torture. It was Nelyo who fell to it not him.

It is so sad to see Maedhros and Maglor at odds. Poor Maglor, he feels really lost in this chapter and Maedhros just does not understand him.....not right now anyway. I hate them fighting.

Loved Celegorm. Loved his connection with Maglor, I love how the younger brothers all take so much care to protect him and care for him.

Great to hear this is a series!
Even greater to hear The Fingon interlude might be coming up!!!

Author's Response:

And I'm always excited to read your reviews. Especially you're so spot on. You're entirely correct about Nelyo and Maedhros though I'll go into further details some day. But at first I've to resolve the fact Maedhros & Maglor being at odds. I fear it will take the entire story because they're out of sync and it's difficult to get back into it, if one half doesn't remember anything. So all I can promise you that they don't really hate the other, no matter how much they might fight.

Celegorm was a surprise. Originally I wanted Curufin but that might've gotten too complicated. I needed easy comfort, so Celegorm it was. I like to think that he can be much more responsible than he's usually shown in Silmarillion fic's. He is one of the three eldest and Maglor isn't always the pillar of strength he pretends to be. So he took some of the responsebilities upon himself :)

And yeah, the series is good development. It gives me more freedom to write. Work other angles or include aspects that might've gotten lost otherwise because they don't fit into a linear storyline. The Fingon Interlude is a joy to work on. Originally I hated Fingon nearly as much as everyone else for being so hard on Maedhros. Now I take delight in writing him. Good news is that I'm half-way done.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: January 01, 2016 18:59 · For: The wind that shakes Himring's Hills
You have no idea how happy I am to see an update to this story. I love these tormented but fascinating characters so much!
Poor Maglor, my heart bleeds for him here, so much sensory overload. I really feel I am beginning to get a bit of a handle on him now and why he is how he is.

Maedhros is softer here too. It was good to see the connection between the brothers.

I am confused about one thing....why does no one else seem to recognise Erestor? He would be well known wouldn't he, as his former self, and Maglor says he wears a familiar face.....is that just because Maglor sees deeper than others?
I am not sure if I have not just missed something here.

As for the Luthien/ Celegorm news....so excited to read that!!!!

And that this is a series.....even better!!!
I really love this whole concept!

Author's Response:

Writing this chapter reminded me how much fun this verse is. So yes, I'm expanding it. The Luthien/Celegorm story is growing into epic proportions.

But first I need Maglor for a while more. Sensory overload is the correct word for what's happening to him right now. Hangover from using his powers. Sadly he can't <i>stop</i> using them, so he suffers more or less from side effects. I built his personality on a disorder I found online to keep him as real as possible. Simply adding "has powers" doesn't do it.

Hence why I wanted some reconcilation between the brothers. Didn't get as cuddly as I planned but who knows. Next time perhaps? (Well, no. That's a probably lie.) 

And you're right to be confused. I intent to clear the issue with Erestor next chapter but basically there are a few reasons who no one recognizes him. Most important one: his fea has changed. His hroä looks like a Noldor, maybe even like a Finwion perhaps but there're quite a lot of those related to the Royal Family. Anarie's family for one (who is a true Noldor). But Argon isn't exactly Argon anymore. If you don't know it, you simply look at a familiar Noldor but the bell never rings.

thanks for reviewing. it's fun every single time to read them. and I need the perspective to make sure it doesn't get too confusing.



Name: Encairion (Signed) · Date: October 28, 2015 13:32 · For: feverish eyes threaten to unbalance my mind

Oh I loved finally hearing what was going on with the twins!  They have been a big mystery to me in the story, and it was so fascinating to learn about their avatar and how it was really a mix of both of them, but also was a personality unto itself (and I wonder if Maglor really does prefer talking to it then the twins?).  I loved how well Ambarussa knows Maglor; that line about how he knows Malgor is mad is really telling.  And I liked the hint of his/their almost jealousy of Maedhros for being Maglor’s favorite brother!

A really great chapter, and I am so ecstatic that you are for sure writing the Luthien/Beren story! (as well as looking forward to all the hints you gave of other stories in the works!).



Author's Response:

I just remembered that I haven't answered this yet. I better should be before NaNo completely distracts me. I've written 4k in two days and the story is already taking me to crazy places. Should've guessed that the Feanorian's aren't letting me get away with writing only one of them. Otherwise I've a lot of Price of Vengeance in my head. Probably because the Nargothrond Arc got me reviewing in the first place.

Otherwise ... yes, Ambarussa is probably the only person who knows how mad exactly Maglor is. He knows Maglor better than most people so he isn't exactly jealous of Maedhros. He's better of this way. I would call it protective, of sorts. Since Ambarussa sees the cracks in Maglor's mind.

I'm hurrying off again. Next update will probably take awhile. Too. Much. To. Write.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2015 20:08 · For: feverish eyes threaten to unbalance my mind
Maglor is a creative genius of course with his musical ability and I think even in our world with people who have that level of creativity it is closely linked with insanity. What we see as insanity anyway because when we label people as insane all we are saying is that we can't understand their reality. That their reality is not ours. For some of these highly creative people it is like they have no limits in their brain. They can see beyond anything we may see. That's kind of how I see Maglor. I wouldn't want to "heal" him because then he wouldn't be who is is. I do want him to be happier though. If he could be insane and happy....well that would be better!

Author's Response:

Yeah, it's exactly like that. Maglor has far greater knowledge on how the world works and most other people do not. He lacks the means to tell other people what he sees, how subtle reality sometimes functions. I guess it's a great deal of frustation that he knows so much and can't tell his family, that he is at loss how to explain what he does.

What depresses me the most is that I failed come up with an "Maglor insane and happy" image. But it's a nice thought, something to work towards to.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2015 18:33 · For: feverish eyes threaten to unbalance my mind
So happy to see an update. This continues to fascinate me.

I have always struggled to get my head around Ambarussa. I find him/them quite a difficult concept to grasp. I like this definition of them, as if they are one spirit diluted into two bodies.......an accident of birth almost, at least I think that is what they are? I loved seeing them through Maglor's eyes and his sadness at their separation, that feeling a part of them is somewhere it shouldn't be.

I love your Maglor. His is completely insane I know and there is something very vulnerable about him yet he has this incredible strength. All the other brothers are protecting him, worrying over him and yet he rritates the hell out of them!

It feels as though he is in even more of a mess than Maedhros, ( and that's saying something because he is also completely mad!) I don't know how far you are going to take this but Inhate to think what happens to the Maglor as his brothers slowly die......and at the end. OMG, breaks my heart.

So looking forward to Luthien/ Celegorm/Huan. Loved the pinboard....that image you have of Maglor's mind. So powerful.

Author's Response:

In this story I do go with Ambarussa's state of being something of an accident. Read about the myth once how twins are one soul in two bodies and given how elves consciously sire children aka actually decided to have / create one, I think it's possible. Which would mean that Ambarussa is the intention instead of a side-effect. Just sad but so full of possebilities.

And yes, Maglor is utterly insane. Love how spot on you're about him. One of his powers is probably screwing with people. Meddling with their lifes, though it isn't always intentional. What will happen in the future I'm not gonna say right now, it's a surprise. Maedhros is a bit better off. Or, he suffers from a different kind of affliction. Maedhros could be healed. Or at least in a better would there'd be hope for him. Maglor can change who he is or how his mind works.

So thanks for the review.



Name: Encairion (Signed) · Date: October 12, 2015 2:34 · For: The powers called the stars to dance

I am in love with the way the Feanorions are worshiped by their people!  (I can’t remember that conversation between you –terrible memory right here—but it sounds really interesting lol  I am going to go back and dig around your reviews and see if I can find it :D)

Celegorm is as cool as ever.  I should tell you that I found out Cheekbeak was reading this story too and I pretty much fangirled over your Celegorm and the way he is literally Huan!  And I squealed when I saw you were on for writing the Luthian Beren story!  Gosh, I can’t wait!

I have such a bone to pick with Fingon in this story!  He is such a little shit!  How dare he care more about his own safety then Maedhros’?  Isn’t it bad enough he cannot see the wonderful person Maedhros still is (even if he’s a bit crazy lol), and love him for who he’s become?  Well, if he can’t, all right, we can’t force ourselves into love, but he could at least try being a better friend!  Geeze.  I am not happy with Fingon.  Not at all.

This was another great chapter!  This story is such a ride :D



Author's Response:

I think the conversation happened around the Kinslaying in Sirion, though I can't remember which fic it was. But the idea stems from there. If Feanor can be seen as firegod, as something other by his son than how normal people think about the Feanorians? I'm excited to explore this further. And Celegorm makes it easy for me. He (and Huan) are a great help. The whole chapter was meant for him and Maedhros return. 

Fingon hasn't it easy in this fic, I refuse to write him as lovable. In his defence ... I guess he's overwhelmed by the prospect of war. It's harder than he thought it was. But yeah, that's not an excuse. Yet I guess I've to put Fingon on the list of "One-Shot's to Write". Understanding is POV a bit more, let's what pops it because there's still the matter of Gil-galad.

And yes, I'm writing that Luthien story. Scary how I know that's is going to be a story and not an interlude. I've read up the the part of Finrod's death and I've so many ideas already. Good that Nano is coming.



Name: cheekybeak (Signed) · Date: October 10, 2015 11:29 · For: The powers called the stars to dance
I am so enamoured with this story. Every chapter is so new and intriguing. Still loving the Celegorm/Huan concept. In fact Celegorm even in elf form seems not fully Elven.
The avari boy D


Name: Encairion (Signed) · Date: September 22, 2015 16:31 · For: When I walk into the promised land

Another great chapter :)  I am curious why Curufin doesn’t recognize Erestor if the twins do?  I had gotten the impression that Erestor’s physical appearance hadn’t changed and that it was a concern for Maglor to keep him around because someone might recognize him, but is that not true?  It does seem strange that no one has….unless Maglor is doing something to everyone’s minds?

“ Guilt dulls the white eyes to greyness as Maglor poisons the ground where Arakáno is put to rest. No flowers will grow on the graveside of Fingolfin's son and Maglor will make sure the seeds of the corpse he laid to rest won't ever reach Erestor's garden.”

Is Maglor literally poisoning Arakano’s grave site?  Or is it his mind, the last remnants of Arakano that’s he’s destroying?  Why do this?  I guess everything could just be messed up in Maglor’s head, but he seemed to have some logical reason behind most of his actions, why destroy what was left of Arakano?  And why would he want to tarnish the grave site?

When I was reading the part about the dragons, I suddenly wondered if Maglor could have a song battle with them!  Do dragons sing in your AU? I am feeling like I am picking the idea of singing dragons up from somewhere but can’t put my finger on it….hum. 

Oh it will be so interesting to see you explore the idea of Celegorm/Huan more!  I’ve thought about it over the weeks, and I am still in love with it!  I’d really love to read that story :)

Thanks for another great chapter!

 



Author's Response:

I'm telling you almost the same what I told cheekybeak. Maglor's reacting mostly on instinct and since he's the narrator most of the time, he doesn't bother to inform us, the readers of his reasoning. But I do intend to explain those. This part was mostly to show what kind of mess his head is. And grave side is mostly symbolic here, a place in Erestor's head that belongs/belonged to Argon.

Curufin was starting to see some familiarity in Erestor, hence maglor's timely interruption. But Erestor does look a bit different than Argon. Again, something that will come to light a bit later.

Singing dragon's would be awesome. I've an idea how it could look like but have no idea where should I put it. But right now I'm occupied with "Luthien & Beren" anyway. Hell, that's a lot to chew on but also very, very exciting. I've actually decided to buy another Silmarillion copy so I can defile one with post-it notes and textmarkers!



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