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Fire Dancing Upon Our Souls by cheekybeak Teen
Sequel to "The Hands of the King" AND "Darkness in Your Heart" Misunderstanding and heartache cause antagonism between Legolas...
The Condensed Silmarillion. (Which is not so short any more.) by cheekybeak General Audiences
The Silm you read when you are not really reading the Silm. Everything you always wanted to know......but missing all the...
Heaven's Reward Fallacy by mangacrack Explicit
In which Fingon struggles with life and never seems to get it right.
Where the Shadows Lie by ziggy General Audiences
Not only the Three survive Sauron's fall, and not all darkness is vanquished. Sequel to Sons of Thunder. Warnings: loads...
Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home by IdrilsSecret Explicit
To avoid the scandal that is still following Rumil in Lothlorien, he is sent on a mission to Mirkwood. He must negotiate...
Our love was raw and young by mangacrack Explicit
AU. Maedhros cheats, Caranthir eavesdrops and Maglor is a political mastermind.
Not so Valiant not so Wise by Fadesintothewest Explicit
*EDITED (2015)*An unlikely secret night of passion threatens the relationship between Fingon and Turgon. One possible scenario...

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06/21/17 01:54 am
Hi Spiced, good to hear from you :) I am sorry things been weighing you down, and work piling up. I hope a chance to relax and do what you love comes soon :hugs:
06/21/17 01:25 am
Lovely to hear you are getting back, Spiced!
06/20/17 06:16 am
Hope you are feeling better now Spiced. ((hugs))
Spiced Wine
06/19/17 07:18 pm
I hope you're all okay my loves. Such appalling things going on the last few weeks :( I am overwhelmed by that and a work backlog, but trying to get that done to write again. Hugs to all
06/11/17 01:37 pm
Have a great trip and a great time, Naledi!
06/11/17 09:19 am
Thanks! Maybe I'll be inspired - who knows?
06/10/17 01:39 pm
Have a lovely time, Naledi- how lovely. hope you are inspired to write something for all of us!!xx
Spiced Wine
06/09/17 10:25 pm
Wonderful! Your are so lucky, Naledi. Have a lovely time. Have a great weekend everyone!
06/09/17 07:20 pm
Happy Friday, everyone! I'm off on holiday to Pembrokeshire for a week but I hope I'll have internet access.
Spiced Wine
06/06/17 10:07 am
Thank you, Ziggy :)
Shout Archive

Name: elfscribe (Signed) · Date: June 22, 2017 14:28 · For: Elros, The King?

I'm so happy you are  continuing this totally hilarious and spot on take on the Silm. Yes, Elros choosing to be a Man when he could have been an Elf. Maybe he just really wanted to be a king and with elves you had to wait for one to die of unnatural causes, although considering the rate of that happening I would just have counseled him to wait. Patience Elros. Thanks for brightening my morning, Cheeky!

Author's Response:

Hello! So good to see you. :-)

You are right. Elros' chance for elven kingship would have come soon enough. It was only a matter of time before Gil-Galad succumbed to death by Balrog.....or Maia as it turned out. 

Silly, silly, Elros! 

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: June 22, 2017 8:25 · For: Elros, The King?

Why hasn't my review appeared?????

Never mind- So glad you are wrting this agian. I love this bonkers little fic which challenges all the gaps and holes and contradictions in Tolkien's stories.

What I want to know is, does that mean Elros was already 90 when he made this foolish, uneducated decision? Or did he run off screaming into the wilderness for 90 years when the penny finally dropped and he realised what he had done? 




Anyway, eventually he pulled himself together and began ruling over Men. Why he ruled them when there must have already been plenty of quite adequate rulers before Elros the Man came on the scene I do not know. 




I wonder how the Dunedain felt about this "recently an elf" usurper when he first showed up? 




You see what I mean?


YES!!! YES I do -exactly see what you mean! And yes, there would have been rulers so how come he just waltzed in and dsaid Hi, I'm here now, You can step over.


MAkes me chuckle. Love this. Please keepwrting it.

Author's Response:

I have a couple more chapters already waiting! Glad you agree. Elros' kingship is very dodgy! I know he's Earendil's son but Earendil was more an elf than a Man.....I mean he spent his whole life hanging with elves so hardly had a large claim did he! 


Still, I guess Aragorn did much the same. And nobody questions him do they? 

Apart from Denethor.

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: June 21, 2017 11:21 · For: Elros, The King?

I was going to quote back the bits I particularly agreed with, but then realised that would involve quoting the entire chapter!

I think you get to the heart of why I don't like the Silmarillion as much as LOTR or The Hobbit, which is that we don't get to see the characters' inner thoughts, feelings and motivations. In LOTR, we see the action through a character's eyes, in the Silm we're floating above the action in a valar-like way. That's why nothing ever sticks when I read it, I think. I'm not living through the action.

And, yeah - how could Tolkien do that to us? A decision that had major consequences for an Age to come, summed up in one line, with no reason given.

Author's Response:

Imagine what a story the Silm would be if we got more than just a sketchy outline of everything! 

The randomness of Elros' choice demonstrates it perfectly. A whole pile of potential angst there...and political issues, and all the rest. You could write a book just about Elros.....and all we get is that one line. 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 20, 2017 10:10 · For: Here Come the Valar
As you said, it seems the Valar spent more time putting their energy into looking the part 'as the pretty and mighty Army' than actually devising some kind of strategy to defeat Morgoth.
I like Finarfin, it's rather sad that he loses most of his family to Morgoth and the oath.
Great stuff! :)

Author's Response:

The Valar are all about appearances and shiny, pretty things. No substance to them at all......strategy? What's that? 

I like Finarfin. He is one of my favs and I think he gets a bad rap. Poor guy. What choices did he have after all? 

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: June 18, 2017 15:39 · For: Twinsies

Yes! I agree with you completely. What were the Valar thinking, and why did Elros choose mortality? At least with Arwen Tolkien gives a reason, even if it is incomprehensible (who would you rather marry, Arwen - a beautiful, wise, fragrant elf or stinky Aragorn?) And even then, why isn't that the last of the choices? Why do Elrond's children have to choose too? After all, they're far more than half-elven. Grrr....

Author's Response:

Yes this. Elrond made his choice, his kids should have been stuck with it......as Elros's kids were, (but more about that later) 

Double standards much???? 

Damn Valar. 

Name: Alquien (Signed) · Date: June 17, 2017 19:20 · For: Twinsies
Whatever the reason for Elros' choice it ending up causing a whole heap of trouble.

Which was probably the Valar's motivation all along.

--I think the Valar are secretly politicians at heart.

Author's Response:

Oh they are, they are! They just LOVE meddling and manipulating. Crooked politicians out for their own good and no one else's, that's the Valar for you.

so good to see you! 

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: June 17, 2017 15:50 · For: Twinsies

Oh I am SOOOOooooo pleased you have started this again- I love your wonderfully sarky style that is amused and knowledgably baffled by the inconsistenices of Tolkien!

Elrond chose to be an elf........because, who in their right mind, given this choice would not chose to be an elf. On the one hand; beauty, wisdom, super strength and living for ever, on the other hand; being very ordinary looking, smelling bad, and having to admit you were probably related to Turin. 

Made me laugh out loud!


And because I love you for writing this, I'll do you and Legolas, with Naledi and Nash.


Author's Response:

Glad you liked it. I had forgotten how fun this was to write....and how easy. Have two more chapters already.

I know you are not interested in the Men. I am not either. So I am trying to shove as many elves in this as possible. So far it's easy. Those Numenóreans, they just love those elves! 

Looking forward to Legolas. Not sure about having to share him! 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 14, 2017 10:51 · For: Manwë is the Boss. Don't you forget it!
Wow! The Valar make some serious mistakes, in their quests to feel important, lording it over everyone. What were they thinking sending a Silmaril into the sky. Did they ever think how that would affect Elrond or the Feanorions for that matter, obviously not. I can just see Feanor chomping at the bit to get out of Mandos to exact some revenge.
Talk about not thinking things through, or just not thinking at all.
Love it Cheekybeak! :)

Author's Response:

That's the Valar for you. They NEVER think it through. This whole story could have been avoided if the Valar had just "thought it through!!!" 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 09, 2017 11:13 · For: In which Eárendil shows his true colours
I would really like to hear more on you Turgon and Finrod relationship.
What a mess the Sirion thing was. Where is Dr.Phil when you need him.
Everyone seems to be so bedazzled by a jewel that they seem to forget about'people' in general, and become so selfish. {A huge amount of counselling needed.
Love it! :)

Author's Response:

There is more Turgon and Finrod in the first chapter of a story here called "Family reunion" It is Turgon and Finrod together in Valinor.....poor babies.....They are such a messed up pair! 

I don't know what it is about the Silmaril. It just sucks all the humanity out of everyone. As soon as they touch it they lose all commonsense. 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 01, 2017 8:28 · For: In which Eru gets Creative
Once again Cheekybeak, you had me laughing so much, my stomach hurt.
Firstly Maeglin; what a train wreck of a life that poor Elf had, wanting to be a counted as one of the Noldor, and win the hearts and minds of his uncle and cousin, only to be thwarted by a man.
Secondly Glorfindel; one of the most famous Elves, reborn, gorgeous, valiant, what else can you say about
him. Upstaged by Eagles at every turn, even his grave gets more of mention, you just had me in fits of laughter.
Tolkien must have had a man thing going on. Where men were put on pedestals and allowed to have free reign and boundless power to use at their will and to muck up the lives of every Elf within twenty yards.
Me, I'm an Elf lover, give me an Elf over a man any day.
Love it! :)

Author's Response:

Oh! Another great review from you! These reviews are making me seriously think about writing more of this. I got to the Numenorian part and came to a halt.....because.....Men, not elves! But I always wanted to push on into the ring making bit...maybe I will revisit this :-)

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: May 22, 2017 4:43 · For: In which Eru gets Creative
What is it with Elves? As soon as they acquire a bit of jewellery they seem to lose the ability to all reason and to think intelligently. Even Turgon, who seemed very up there on the wise scale, {Maybe a little bit too much}, slowly lost his ability to think straight, when handed the crown. It probably didn't help having the shining light that was Tuor ever present or stealing his attention.Poor Turgon.
I think the only man who didn't destroy an Elven realm was Aragorn, mind you he was brought up in Imladris by his very wise Step-dad.
Keeps me entertained and laughing.
Love it Cheekybeak. :D

Author's Response:

Ah, but when you think about it Aragorn DID steal Arwen—the Evenstar, most beautiful of all— and doom her to mortality thus seriously annoying her Dad in the process...So he kind of did stick two fingers up at Imladris. Not really the best way to repay Elrond for all that care and protection. 


As as for the jewels....yes serious, serious, elven weakness there. Every single one of them caves when faced with sparkly glittering things. And they say the dwarves are the ones who lust after gold............

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: April 26, 2017 4:34 · For: In which Eru gets Creative
Oh Cheekybeak!, my sides hurt so much. I didn't realise how many times Turin did not think things through and ended up accidentally killing someone.
I really like the inappropriately placed chasm poor Saeros fell into while Turin chased him naked, {a suspect eyebrow arched}.
What's going on with Thingol and his suspect way of weighing the severity of certain actions in his mind.
Maybe Tolkien lost the thread of where he was going with the storyline at times especially with Luthien and Beren, I think I've had enough of them to last a lifetime.
Love it. :D

Author's Response:

Hi! Sorry it has taken me ages to respond. Turin...poor Turin, such a clumsy disaster area. Why anyone got near him I do not know. And Thingol...or imposter Thingol...who has a random personality change whenever it suits the plotline.

glad to meet someone else fatigued by Beren and Luthien. Why Aragorn was so obsessed with them I'll never know! 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: April 14, 2017 10:33 · For: In which Eru gets Creative
Oh, Cheekybeak! It had me in fits of laughter. I'm another who does not know the super intricate details of the Silmars, but I'm learning. Love it! :)

Author's Response:

Thank you! So good to get a review on this older story. :-) I am glad it made you laugh! It's always so hard to tell...sometimes I know I think things are funny, but does everybody else?

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2016 23:36 · For: The End

Sorry Cheekybeak- I ain't interested in Men. Love elves.

Love your deadpan style, the cynical throw away comments aobut the Telri, the Valar, Galadreil- getting it all to hersef! Who canblame her for not sharing??? And Gil-Galad just knwing he aint gonna be all sparkly High King is he goes! But most of all I love your deapan cynicism about the world without Feanorians! 

Love this whole idea, whole fic. Write another please. Soon.

Author's Response: I know. I am not interested in Men either. I didn't know when I started reading the Silmarillian there was a whole segment just about the boring Numenorians with their stupid names and their grandiose ideas. Thing is I have to write their bit if I am going to get to the rings. And Celebrimbor. I REALLY want to write that. I guess I could just be very sarcastic....and make it very short.... "The Numenorians thought they were important. They weren't. They tried to get immortality......it didn't go well." Surely I don't need to write any more than that! I really want to write Sauron, Celebrimbor, Galadriel and the rings so I think I am going to have to suck it up and write the Men so I can get there.

Name: Alquien (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2016 22:12 · For: The End
And worst of all it is a world with no more Feanorians. All those spirited, beautiful, glorious Feanorians written into dust.
--I know, I know! ::sobs::

Do I carry on to the Akallab

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2016 8:56 · For: The War of Wrath

I am sooo looking forward to the next chapter! I love your deadpan sarky tone in this, and your HEAVY cynicism about the Valar. You do rather expose Tolkien's weaknesses in terms of the plot! WOnderfu comment about the eagles!!!

Author's Response: How can you be looking forward to the next chapter???? You know what happens and it's tragic!! I have to say by now the Valar are totally pissing me off...hence the cynicism. I have had a guts full of the Valar and maybe that's because I know what lies in wait for my beautiful Feanorians. Sob :(

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: February 13, 2016 13:09 · For: Here Come the Valar

They had sewn beautiful white banners for them to march under just so everyone would know they were the goodies. They convinced the Vanyar to come along. I am not sure how they did that.......told them they were the prettiest or something probably. The Vanyar I rather think were vain but dumb. The dumb blondes of middle earth.


I have missed this!!

They did send people and ships to sail the army over this time. They said it was because Elwing was a distant relation but I think it was probably more that they remembered what happened to them last time when they refused to send ships......and who could ever trust those dratted Noldor.

Made me laugh and laugh- you have such great comic abilty.


Author's Response: Yeah sorry it has been so long since I updated this. I got spooked by Maedhros and Maglor's deaths.....I just didn't want to write them. Anyway I have finally forced myself to confront it....have three more chapters written and I will post them quite quickly to make up for the wait! Glad you still like it.

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: October 23, 2015 2:02 · For: Manwë is the Boss. Don't you forget it!

And this is where it gets really odd because Tolkien now wants us to believe that Maedhros, beautiful, honourable, broken Maedhros driven to insanity by the oath forcing him to reclaim all the Silmarils, on seeing his precious Silmaril which he has killed his own kin for sailing across the sky says,


"Fair one guys, now everyone can see it, I'm really happy about about that."


Said no Feanorian EVER!!! 

Let alone Maedhros.


As if we would ever believe that.


Just fabulous! Yet agian, you have completely burst the Valar/Tolkien bubble!! Love this so much:)

Author's Response: Sometimes Tolkien does my head in. He spends all this time building characters, outlining their motivations and then does this!! Because......why?? How did he ever think it would be believable Maglor and Maedhros would just sit down and have a chat about how happy they are the Valar are messing with their Dad's Silmaril. If he wanted us to like the Valar maybe he should have just written them as nicer in the first place instead of messing with my favourite Feanorians. . End of Meltdown.......sorry about that!

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: October 21, 2015 22:47 · For: Manwë is the Boss. Don't you forget it!

Lol! I think you've got Mandos sussed - the brighter and shinier the elf, the more likely they are to end up with Mandos :)

"Fair one guys, now everyone can see it, I'm really happy about about that."

Said no Feanorian EVER!!!
Let alone Maedhros.

LOL!! So true!

And finally, spot on about the cruelty of Manwe, forcing Elrond to remember every time he looks at the stars just how useless his dad is.

Author's Response: Poor Mandos, someone else pointed out the only elves he ever gets to keep for extended lengths of time are the broken, damaged ones. The bright shiny ones slip right through his fingers as back to Valinor.....(Finrod and Glorfindel!) I don't get Tolkien sometimes. He spends all this time building up how obsessive the Feanorians are about the Silmarils then has Maedhros quite happy to share Eatendils silmaril with the rest of the world. It makes no sense Tolkien. No sense at all! As for Manw

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: October 19, 2015 15:00 · For: In which Eárendil shows his true colours

Poor Elrond and Elros indeed. If Earendil and Elwing were around now I think their children would have been taken into care.

I love your opinion of Earendil strapping the silmaril to his brow. A forerunner to the head torch, maybe? I agree, it must have looked dead weird!

Author's Response: I just have this mental image of him stumbling around, this big diamond strapped to his head with a bit of Sellotape. Very, very, odd. Could he not just have put it in his pocket at this point?! As for his parenting skills, yeah those were appallingly bad.

Name: Alquien (Signed) · Date: October 19, 2015 2:48 · For: Elwing. Mother of the Year.
It is apparent to everyone except Elwing what was gong to happen when she said "No." to the Son's of F

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: October 16, 2015 23:38 · For: Elwing. Mother of the Year.

Yeah, this is the point where I think Tolkien's just made up so many characters, he can't be bothered to give them proper personalities at all. They just exist to serve his plot.  I can't  understand why Elwing would - as you say - choose a jewel she has no right to over her sons. And a swan?!!! If that's what their mother and father are like, I think Elrond and Elros are better off with the  Feanorians. At least you know where you stand with them. Or rather, where you lie with your throat cut 😀

Author's Response: Sometimes I wish Tolkien had maybe written less characters but given us a bit more detail with the the ones he already had! Both Elwing and E

Name: Alquien (Signed) · Date: September 30, 2015 1:40 · For: Is Maglor really the Mastermind behind it all?
I feel sorry for Maedhros. He must have known the demand was futile and yet, he still held on to that fragment of hope (or was the post scipt added by Maglor? Hmmmmm...)

Author's Response: Oh maybe! Didn't think of that but maybe Maglor added that last bit... Yes poor Maedhros, reading this section of the silm you really get the feeling he doesn't want any of this. He tries so hard to avoid all the conflict and it never works out for him. He just wanted them to peacefully give his silmaril back and leave him alone.

Name: Narya (Signed) · Date: September 29, 2015 20:13 · For: Is Maglor really the Mastermind behind it all?
Oh, poor Maedhros! He needs a good advisor. And we can't be too hard on Maglor, he's probably all upset over Erestor...

Author's Response: Yeah Maedhros needs someone to help him with the letter writing. He doesn't want to have to attack everyone, he really doesn't. As for Maglor........oh yes, definitely upset about Erestor. However he is not being that helpful to his big brother at the moment! As we know the pair of them need some serious counselling help.

Name: Alquien (Signed) · Date: September 28, 2015 1:14 · For: Gli-Galad was an Elven King
Eventually Cirdan marched to the front dragging a poor elf behind him. "This is your new High King," he announced ....and his name is Gil-Galad. Ereinion Gil-Galad to be exact."

"Rubbish!" cried someone from the floor. "Who is he? We have never even heard of him."

"He is Fingon's son." Cirdan certainly sounded convincing. "And I have raised him as some kind of random foster son."

--So, who is really Gil-galad's father? I wonder if that was Cirdan's way of attempting a coup of some sort...

Author's Response: I did think of that and it made me laugh. Unbeknownst to the Noldor their High King was secretly a Teleri!

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