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The Price of Vengeance I by Encairion Explicit
A novella of the House of Finwë from the Darkening of Valinor through the end of the First Age. “Vengeance calls...
The song of tomorrow by Nuredhel Explicit
The past reaches out towards the future...A living mystery is being delivered to the king of Mirkwood as a gift and a strange...
The World breaks Everyone by mangacrack Explicit
Strength isn’t just about how much you can handle before you break. It’s also about how much you must handle...
Child of Frost by Nuredhel Explicit
ometimes the end is just that, the end. And sometimes it is a new beginning. When a prophecy seemingly seems to be a lie...
The Black Arrow by ziggy General Audiences
Thranduil strikes a bargain with his fiery neighbour. Smaug is dead and Esgaroth is devastated. Thranduil arrives with help The...
Elegy for N˙menor - Volume 1: Journey to Umbar by elfscribe Mature
The Númenórean King Ar-Pharazôn thinks he has won an easy victory when Sauron surrenders to him and...
Shadows Of The Past by Starfox General Audiences
After a disastrous incident in the mountains Elrond's past experience allows him to help Thranduil and Legolas cope with...

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Spiced Wine
07/26/17 07:57 pm
I hope you had a wonderful time, Alquien {{Hugs}}
07/26/17 03:23 pm
Hi everyone! I'm back, and I had a great time! Now to unpack, nap and eat some more lol -- back eventually! ::hugs to all::
07/25/17 08:53 pm
I was only thinking about her earlier today. It's such a tragedy. RIP Nightwing.
07/25/17 05:26 pm
Some v sad news for those long serving fanfic writers and readers; Nightwing passed away 2 weeks ago. Cancer. May she have rest now.
07/25/17 12:36 pm
Yay - Glad you're getting better, Ziggy. And a Black Arrow update - what more could I ask for?
07/25/17 12:33 pm
Hello sparkyTAs! You too:) And Spiced! Just posted a silly chapter of Black Arrow to say thank you to everyone:) I am loads better.
07/25/17 05:05 am
Ziggy, so glad you're back and doing well.
Spiced Wine
07/23/17 09:34 pm
I'm so glad to hear that, Ziggy! Take it easy :)
07/23/17 01:12 am
Thanks Spiced- yes, loads better thank you- slower than I expected but getting there:)
Spiced Wine
07/20/17 10:19 pm
I hope you had a lovely time, Naledi. And Ziggy, I hope you are recovering well
Shout Archive

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: July 21, 2017 3:55 · For: Twinsies
What I don't understand is, why did Elrond and Elros have to choose?
I mean couldn't they both have been Elven? It's not like there's a limit on the Elven populous or anything.

But if you really think on it, there wouldn't have been the Realm of Numenor if he had chosen otherwise.

So much of a laugh! CB. It must be fun to write.:)

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: July 18, 2017 9:20 · For: The End
Ah, yes the Valar, the ones who took all the credit for everything, when they only lifted a finger at the last minute. The Elves did more than the Valar ever did and as a result lost sooo much.
Poor Finarfin, Tolkien really left him 'out in the cold' as a character.
There is so much Tolkien left unfinished, and unexplained, it really is a tragedy.

Name: elfscribe (Signed) · Date: July 16, 2017 4:26 · For: Dont Shoot The Messenger

God I love this. "Now look here," he said, "All this talk of sailing to Valinor...its just not on."  Yes indeed. And the telling them in words of one syllable. I agree it must have been Eönwë and I can so see him saying "Manwë doesn't pay me enough to put up with this shit." After all, he does get sent to do a lot of the dirty work. Thanks once again for a good giggle.

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: July 13, 2017 0:02 · For: Dont Shoot The Messenger

"But we want it all!" The Dúnedain cried. "We want to live forever and we don't want to leave the Earth. Give it to us. Give us everything!" And they stamped their little feet. 




Enough was enough. Eönwë was over this. 




"Manwë doesn't pay me enough to put up with this shit," he said.




And he left.



Hahahahah! Stamped their little feet and he buggers off:)

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: July 12, 2017 8:04 · For: Dont Shoot The Messenger

Poor Eonwe. He's on a losing battle, trying to reason with those idiotic Numenorians! 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: July 11, 2017 12:26 · For: Chapter 62
Wow! This has to be one of the saddest chapters.
I guess Eonwe was just trying to do as Manwe ordered and must have taken pity on Maedhros and Maglor in the end, after all the Silmarills were theirs rightfully.
So sad. Sniff.

Author's Response:

I know. So sad. :-( This chapter held me up for weeks. I just didn't want to write it at all. 

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: June 29, 2017 8:14 · For: The War of the Herbs

Hehehe! Those elves were definitely taunting the Numenorians. They might just as well have gone "Nya nya- we're going to live our beautiful sparkly lives for ever and you're not!"

Author's Response:

I know! Could they have BEEN any more obvious. It must have been entertaining for them. I can imagine them planning their trips over. "What shall we take them next? Jewels? Special birds? Exotic virtuous herbs?? All three?" 

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: June 28, 2017 21:28 · For: The War of the Herbs

"Let's get those smelly, ugly Men to come to Valinor. The Valar will hate that. Not OUR part of Valinor obviously. They will lower real estate prices....but Tirion.....that would be funny. Let's get them to go to Tirion.


oh you give me such joy!!!!

Author's Response:

Well obviously they didn't want the smelly Men living down wind of them....but over with those kinslaying Noldor in Tirion, what could be better?! 

Name: Alquien (Signed) · Date: June 28, 2017 17:54 · For: Go West Young Man . . . Or Not.
Such perfect reasoning. ManwŰ has obviously never been a parent. ManwŰ doesn't know if you ban your child from doing something they instantly NEED to do it. So it was with the D˙nedain. (Also, they may not have been elves but they weren't that stupid).

Yes, I think (well, I like to think, anyway) that a whole lot of trouble could have been avoided if Eru had insisted that the Valar (and Maiar!) become parents before taking charge of anything else.

Then again, maybe not.

Author's Response:

Can you imagine the kind of sociopathic kids the Valar would have raised? They would have ended up having them taken off them and put in to fostercare!! 

Name: elfscribe (Signed) · Date: June 28, 2017 1:12 · For: Go West Young Man . . . Or Not.

Manwë does seem real good with that circular reasoning thing. And oh wow, I always wondered about the whole why Earendil thing and you just solved it for me. He was shiny!  Of course!  And that whole thing where men in M-e didn't know how to do jack before the Numenoreans showed up.  LOL!

Author's Response:

I know! Those Middle earth men were so dumb. At least that's what the Numenorian's would have us believe. But yeah, of course Earendil was the most absolutely shiny thing possible with that Silmaril taped to his forehead. The Valar simply couldn't resist him! 

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: June 27, 2017 1:00 · For: Go West Young Man . . . Or Not.

lol! So stupid!!


My favourite bits:

So Manwë went off to meet with the Dúnedain. Last time they met he gave them a new King. This time he inflicts a shipping ban upon them. 


and this bit made me chuckle!


Such perfect reasoning. Manwë has obviously never been a parent. Manwë doesn't know if you ban your child from doing something they instantly NEED to do it. So it was with the Dúnedain. (Also, they may not have been elves but they weren't that stupid).


Author's Response:

Manwe is the ultimate example of idiocy isn't he?? Just this weird, self absorbed guy who shows up every now and then to poke around and make things so much worse. He is like a rich guy with servants who wanders down to visit the peasants occasionally and wonders why they don't eat cake.

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: June 25, 2017 14:28 · For: Go West Young Man . . . Or Not.

Exactly! I bet Elros's kids were furious with their dad for choosing mortality. They would all have been elves if only their dad hadn't made such a staggeringly stupid choice. 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 25, 2017 14:09 · For: The War of Wrath
You would think that the mightiest of all the Valar would be hard to defeat, but it seems Morgoth was a bit of a pushover in the War of the Wrath. And why did the Valar wait so long to wage war on their brother, I mean they could've saved a lot more lives and looked pretty damn awesome in the eyes of the Elves and Men if they had. But no, as with everything Tolkien, everything is done without thought and way too late.
Wow! Earendil is not looking all that heroic in my eyes, blazing in to fight a Dragon but forgetting to say "Hi!" to his kids, disgraceful!
Awesome! :D

Name: elfscribe (Signed) · Date: June 22, 2017 14:28 · For: Elros, The King?

I'm so happy you are  continuing this totally hilarious and spot on take on the Silm. Yes, Elros choosing to be a Man when he could have been an Elf. Maybe he just really wanted to be a king and with elves you had to wait for one to die of unnatural causes, although considering the rate of that happening I would just have counseled him to wait. Patience Elros. Thanks for brightening my morning, Cheeky!

Author's Response:

Hello! So good to see you. :-)

You are right. Elros' chance for elven kingship would have come soon enough. It was only a matter of time before Gil-Galad succumbed to death by Balrog.....or Maia as it turned out. 

Silly, silly, Elros! 

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: June 22, 2017 8:25 · For: Elros, The King?

Why hasn't my review appeared?????

Never mind- So glad you are wrting this agian. I love this bonkers little fic which challenges all the gaps and holes and contradictions in Tolkien's stories.

What I want to know is, does that mean Elros was already 90 when he made this foolish, uneducated decision? Or did he run off screaming into the wilderness for 90 years when the penny finally dropped and he realised what he had done? 




Anyway, eventually he pulled himself together and began ruling over Men. Why he ruled them when there must have already been plenty of quite adequate rulers before Elros the Man came on the scene I do not know. 




I wonder how the Dunedain felt about this "recently an elf" usurper when he first showed up? 




You see what I mean?


YES!!! YES I do -exactly see what you mean! And yes, there would have been rulers so how come he just waltzed in and dsaid Hi, I'm here now, You can step over.


MAkes me chuckle. Love this. Please keepwrting it.

Author's Response:

I have a couple more chapters already waiting! Glad you agree. Elros' kingship is very dodgy! I know he's Earendil's son but Earendil was more an elf than a Man.....I mean he spent his whole life hanging with elves so hardly had a large claim did he! 


Still, I guess Aragorn did much the same. And nobody questions him do they? 

Apart from Denethor.

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: June 21, 2017 11:21 · For: Elros, The King?

I was going to quote back the bits I particularly agreed with, but then realised that would involve quoting the entire chapter!

I think you get to the heart of why I don't like the Silmarillion as much as LOTR or The Hobbit, which is that we don't get to see the characters' inner thoughts, feelings and motivations. In LOTR, we see the action through a character's eyes, in the Silm we're floating above the action in a valar-like way. That's why nothing ever sticks when I read it, I think. I'm not living through the action.

And, yeah - how could Tolkien do that to us? A decision that had major consequences for an Age to come, summed up in one line, with no reason given.

Author's Response:

Imagine what a story the Silm would be if we got more than just a sketchy outline of everything! 

The randomness of Elros' choice demonstrates it perfectly. A whole pile of potential angst there...and political issues, and all the rest. You could write a book just about Elros.....and all we get is that one line. 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 20, 2017 10:10 · For: Here Come the Valar
As you said, it seems the Valar spent more time putting their energy into looking the part 'as the pretty and mighty Army' than actually devising some kind of strategy to defeat Morgoth.
I like Finarfin, it's rather sad that he loses most of his family to Morgoth and the oath.
Great stuff! :)

Author's Response:

The Valar are all about appearances and shiny, pretty things. No substance to them at all......strategy? What's that? 

I like Finarfin. He is one of my favs and I think he gets a bad rap. Poor guy. What choices did he have after all? 

Name: Naledi (Signed) · Date: June 18, 2017 15:39 · For: Twinsies

Yes! I agree with you completely. What were the Valar thinking, and why did Elros choose mortality? At least with Arwen Tolkien gives a reason, even if it is incomprehensible (who would you rather marry, Arwen - a beautiful, wise, fragrant elf or stinky Aragorn?) And even then, why isn't that the last of the choices? Why do Elrond's children have to choose too? After all, they're far more than half-elven. Grrr....

Author's Response:

Yes this. Elrond made his choice, his kids should have been stuck with it......as Elros's kids were, (but more about that later) 

Double standards much???? 

Damn Valar. 

Name: Alquien (Signed) · Date: June 17, 2017 19:20 · For: Twinsies
Whatever the reason for Elros' choice it ending up causing a whole heap of trouble.

Which was probably the Valar's motivation all along.

--I think the Valar are secretly politicians at heart.

Author's Response:

Oh they are, they are! They just LOVE meddling and manipulating. Crooked politicians out for their own good and no one else's, that's the Valar for you.

so good to see you! 

Name: ziggy (Signed) · Date: June 17, 2017 15:50 · For: Twinsies

Oh I am SOOOOooooo pleased you have started this again- I love your wonderfully sarky style that is amused and knowledgably baffled by the inconsistenices of Tolkien!

Elrond chose to be an elf........because, who in their right mind, given this choice would not chose to be an elf. On the one hand; beauty, wisdom, super strength and living for ever, on the other hand; being very ordinary looking, smelling bad, and having to admit you were probably related to Turin. 

Made me laugh out loud!


And because I love you for writing this, I'll do you and Legolas, with Naledi and Nash.


Author's Response:

Glad you liked it. I had forgotten how fun this was to write....and how easy. Have two more chapters already.

I know you are not interested in the Men. I am not either. So I am trying to shove as many elves in this as possible. So far it's easy. Those Numenóreans, they just love those elves! 

Looking forward to Legolas. Not sure about having to share him! 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 14, 2017 10:51 · For: ManwŰ is the Boss. Don't you forget it!
Wow! The Valar make some serious mistakes, in their quests to feel important, lording it over everyone. What were they thinking sending a Silmaril into the sky. Did they ever think how that would affect Elrond or the Feanorions for that matter, obviously not. I can just see Feanor chomping at the bit to get out of Mandos to exact some revenge.
Talk about not thinking things through, or just not thinking at all.
Love it Cheekybeak! :)

Author's Response:

That's the Valar for you. They NEVER think it through. This whole story could have been avoided if the Valar had just "thought it through!!!" 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 09, 2017 11:13 · For: In which Eßrendil shows his true colours
I would really like to hear more on you Turgon and Finrod relationship.
What a mess the Sirion thing was. Where is Dr.Phil when you need him.
Everyone seems to be so bedazzled by a jewel that they seem to forget about'people' in general, and become so selfish. {A huge amount of counselling needed.
Love it! :)

Author's Response:

There is more Turgon and Finrod in the first chapter of a story here called "Family reunion" It is Turgon and Finrod together in Valinor.....poor babies.....They are such a messed up pair! 

I don't know what it is about the Silmaril. It just sucks all the humanity out of everyone. As soon as they touch it they lose all commonsense. 

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: June 01, 2017 8:28 · For: In which Eru gets Creative
Once again Cheekybeak, you had me laughing so much, my stomach hurt.
Firstly Maeglin; what a train wreck of a life that poor Elf had, wanting to be a counted as one of the Noldor, and win the hearts and minds of his uncle and cousin, only to be thwarted by a man.
Secondly Glorfindel; one of the most famous Elves, reborn, gorgeous, valiant, what else can you say about
him. Upstaged by Eagles at every turn, even his grave gets more of mention, you just had me in fits of laughter.
Tolkien must have had a man thing going on. Where men were put on pedestals and allowed to have free reign and boundless power to use at their will and to muck up the lives of every Elf within twenty yards.
Me, I'm an Elf lover, give me an Elf over a man any day.
Love it! :)

Author's Response:

Oh! Another great review from you! These reviews are making me seriously think about writing more of this. I got to the Numenorian part and came to a halt.....because.....Men, not elves! But I always wanted to push on into the ring making bit...maybe I will revisit this :-)

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: May 22, 2017 4:43 · For: In which Eru gets Creative
What is it with Elves? As soon as they acquire a bit of jewellery they seem to lose the ability to all reason and to think intelligently. Even Turgon, who seemed very up there on the wise scale, {Maybe a little bit too much}, slowly lost his ability to think straight, when handed the crown. It probably didn't help having the shining light that was Tuor ever present or stealing his attention.Poor Turgon.
I think the only man who didn't destroy an Elven realm was Aragorn, mind you he was brought up in Imladris by his very wise Step-dad.
Keeps me entertained and laughing.
Love it Cheekybeak. :D

Author's Response:

Ah, but when you think about it Aragorn DID steal Arwen—the Evenstar, most beautiful of all— and doom her to mortality thus seriously annoying her Dad in the process...So he kind of did stick two fingers up at Imladris. Not really the best way to repay Elrond for all that care and protection. 


As as for the jewels....yes serious, serious, elven weakness there. Every single one of them caves when faced with sparkly glittering things. And they say the dwarves are the ones who lust after gold............

Name: Gabriel (Signed) · Date: April 26, 2017 4:34 · For: In which Eru gets Creative
Oh Cheekybeak!, my sides hurt so much. I didn't realise how many times Turin did not think things through and ended up accidentally killing someone.
I really like the inappropriately placed chasm poor Saeros fell into while Turin chased him naked, {a suspect eyebrow arched}.
What's going on with Thingol and his suspect way of weighing the severity of certain actions in his mind.
Maybe Tolkien lost the thread of where he was going with the storyline at times especially with Luthien and Beren, I think I've had enough of them to last a lifetime.
Love it. :D

Author's Response:

Hi! Sorry it has taken me ages to respond. Turin...poor Turin, such a clumsy disaster area. Why anyone got near him I do not know. And Thingol...or imposter Thingol...who has a random personality change whenever it suits the plotline.

glad to meet someone else fatigued by Beren and Luthien. Why Aragorn was so obsessed with them I'll never know! 

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