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Beware the Starless Midnight by cheekybeak General Audiences
Legolas arrives in Minas Tirith expecting a joyful reunion with his friends. Instead he finds tension, prejudice, and insurrection...
I'll be Yours if You'll be Mine by NelyafinweFeanorion Teen
Modern setting AU. Maedhros/Fingon. Maedhros owns a bookstore. Fingon is in grad school. Expect appearances from varied members...
Melpomaen the Elfling by Glorfindel Explicit
Melpomaen is a reborn elfling. He has two fathers because Saruman cursed one of them to fall pregnant to the next elf they...
Shine by cheekybeak General Audiences
A bond between brothers helps a small elfling cope with his grief beneath the boughs of the Greenwood. prequel to “Light...
Hope in the Darkness by lotrfan General Audiences
How Thrain kept the map and key safe from Sauron in Dol Guldur. Written for the Teitho contest picture challenge where it...
Lonesome Rider by mangacrack Mature
In the Silmarillion Maglor is (allegedly) the sole survivor of his family.Here, it's someone else.
The Ways of Paradox by Narya Teen
How do you pass the time when you know you're facing eternity? Maglor agrees to appear in a student production of The...

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Reviewers: 219
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Shoutbox

Naledi
05/21/18 08:16 pm
Aragorn can't join - by emotionally blackmailing Legolas to accompany him on the Paths of the Dead, he's firmly on my blacklist!
cheekybeak
05/21/18 08:03 pm
SPCL? Society for prevention of cruelty to Legolas? RSPCL if Aragorn joins!
Naledi
05/21/18 06:02 pm
Yay, Nelya! We can be founder members of SACL. I tried to think of something with a better acronym - I'm open to suggestions!
NelyafinweFeanorion
05/21/18 03:25 pm
Naledi I'm with you on the Society Against Cruelty to Legolas (SACL)!! ;-) but who are we kidding--we read it all and love it anyway, despite the misadventures of our dear Elf!
Spiced Wine
05/20/18 10:38 am
I think it’s a sensible choice. Aragorn has a large backstory going back many years, so it was always going to be one of their first choices.
NelyafinweFeanorion
05/20/18 05:43 am
It's an expensive gamble they have taken--they have to nail this first season. Also the TolkienEstate is far more involved in this one I hear.
Formegil
05/20/18 05:31 am
A quite big "if", I'd say. Just look what mess was made out of the Hobbit movie. Nowadays I tend to be a bit cynical. So I say the series is good if it will be at least not cringeworthy.
NelyafinweFeanorion
05/20/18 04:49 am
As well as Elladan and Elrohir and the Rangers of the North. It could be a hit if done right. Plus the Arwen love interest.
NelyafinweFeanorion
05/20/18 04:48 am
I am actually relieved the Amazon series is starting with young Aragorn. There is much canon content to work with, he's a familiar character and chance to see Glorfindel, Gilraen
NelyafinweFeanorion
05/20/18 04:47 am
And that's how they learn about the weaknesses of dragons! From the little guy Aegnor adopted.
Shout Archive


Reviews For Stained Moon

Name: Encairion (Signed) · Date: February 01, 2014 21:01 · For: Chapter 1: The Dark Storm

 “That ties with my difficulties with story beginnings. It's difficult to find a balance between being too slow and jumping too fast in the middle of the action. In this story this is only emphasized, since this is a later edit of one of my first stories, and some crudeness of the original was left in.”

Story beginnings are difficult, I agree with you.  They are so terribly vital.  You lose or keep your reads in the matter of a few paragraphs, so what you make those few paragraphs are is a hard choice.  Going back to edit old stories is a challenge.  When you’re writing the original in the moment, you’ve sunk yourself into the character’s head and can taste their emotions as you’re writing, but going back to edit you can often be just that small step back.

But also, I tend to be over-cautious with veering into the realm of maudlin melodrama, which is why I still often use too bland descriptions of emotions.”

Ah, then it’s a writing choice.  I can understand that, everyone has their own style.  Maybe then it would work to just go with showing us visibly how a character is affected by emotions?  Like clenching hands, tightening mouths, stiffening shoulders ect.  But ultimately it’s up to you what you like best, and you make a good point about balance.  If you don’t want to take us as deeply into the character’s thoughts but let us infer from their actions what they are feeling, then you probably won’t want to spend a lengthy amount of time with this stuff, but at the same time you want the reader to see clearly the whole picture.

I am glad something I said could be slightly helpful, and it’s wonderful that you can see how much you’ve grown as a writer that you feel the need to go back and re-write :D  



Name: Encairion (Signed) · Date: February 01, 2014 18:41 · For: Chapter 1: The Dark Storm

I read your profile before I read this story and I saw you were asking for critic, and thought I’d give you my best shot.  Firstly, I’ve never set out to write a critic before of another writer’s work, so if I make a disaster of this or offend you somehow I apologize because that was never, never, my intent.  Secondly, I do not claim to be some amazing writer myself, this is just going to be my gut feelings from a reader’s POV.

I love how detailed your fight scene is, and yet you didn’t go over the top which is so key and something you mastered.  You didn’t give us a blow by blow of something that would be happening rapidly, and especially for the character caught in it, almost too quick to process.  This is something I think is a strength of yours.  You also have some great imagery like this: ”the first siege ladders were raised and the Orcs came up, like a black, poisonous wave rising against a sea-shore cliff.” 

I read this chapter twice, the first time I read it I will be completely honest with you: I stopped reading.  But then decided to come back to your story.  The reason I stopped is because I had no emotional tie to the character.  It was just a character going through a battle scene, and without the background of emotional involvement I lost interest.

The thing is though, when I came back to read it again and got past the fight scene, I discovered there was a ton going on with this character.  I loved the hints of walking the edge of sanity, the bleakness, the despair of these soldiers’ existence.  You have this great emotional stuff that can suck me in, it’s just a little late in the chapter.

So maybe, before jumping right into the battle scene you could give us a little taste of this hopelessness, and these soldiers’ incredible spirit to keep fighting despite it all.  I am not saying to dump Goerfin’s entire life history on us in the first few paragraphs, but show us what his character is like so we have some invested interest in his survival in the fight scene.  It could be something as simple as a conversation with the soldier standing at his shoulder before the Orcs come up, something brief, but powerful.

Goerfin was afraid” you had several statement of emotion like this, fear, pain, anger ect.  I think it would be more powerful if you made us feel this fear alongside Goerfin.  He’s afraid, what does that look like?  It could be something as simple as his hands trembling or clenching bone-white about his sword hilt.  Or you could go even deeper and make us feel that fear alongside him: it felt like his innards were being pulled up through his throat.  I think you could go deeper with his conversation with his commanding officer too, you show us a glimpse of the state of his mind with his chilling laughter, but I’d love for you to suck us deeper than that.  Shake his bones, press sickness to the back of his throat, have the despair uproot his thoughts and send them into disjointed waves crashing against the inside of his skull, just give us an idea of what walking in his shoes feels like.

I think this story has a lot of potential, and again, I hope nothing I’ve said offends you.



Author's Response: First of all, thank you for taking the time to write your insightful review! Secondly, you didn't offend me in any way. Quite the opposite, in fact. I'm delighted someone feels my writing merits putting thought into analyzing it. Then, let's get to your points: I actually think my action scenes quite carefully through, because for me they are among the most interesting to write. In those, I aim to give as vivid impression as possible while also preserving the big picture of the action. It's a bit of a juggle sometimes, but in this case it seems I succeeded. Yes, creating emotional bond with the characters from the very start is definitely one of my weak points. That ties with my difficulties with story beginnings. It's difficult to find a balance between being too slow and jumping too fast in the middle of the action. In this story this is only emphasized, since this is a later edit of one of my first stories, and some crudeness of the original was left in. Actually this chapter was the one I edited the least. Your suggestions to remedy above-mentioned flaws are good, and I will try to keep them in mind in the future. The statements of emotion thing comes partly from the admittedly a bit careless retouching process. But also, I tend to be over-cautious with veering into the realm of maudlin melodrama, which is why I still often use too bland descriptions of emotions. Again, the problem of balance. Your suggestions are good, and in my next project (probably a re-write of my very first fanfic) I'll be more liberal with emotional description. Thanks again for the review! I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story.


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